~Chapter 11~
I'm lying in bed still with a few tears in my eyes.
I instinctively put my hand to my eyes just as a tear wants to leave its place, I wipe it away but others flow and I cry again.
Since Maria left an hour ago, forced by her lover, I've been alone. Between these big walls and with an icy heart, thinking about what I should do with my life from now on.
Two knocks are heard at the door and then the door opens a crack, and Samuel's head appears.
"Get out, Samuel. You've hurt me too much today, Keep it for the next few days too.
.." I mutter and blow my nose.
"Me?
Are you kidding, Idris? Am I the one who fucks and doesn't use protection? " He said angrily and entered the room.
I stop and look at him.
It's... true.
It's not his fault.
Only mine. That stupid Cedric who doesn't...
Nor his... I realize
I didn't tell him I was drunk Or..
I start crying even harder and move to the side with my back to Samuel.
"Idris... I'm sorry..." He begins and his footsteps can be heard walking around the room "you know I'm talking nonsense... sorry.." he whispers and the bed drops behind me.
The bed drops slightly behind me.
I feel his presence without seeing him.
His warmth.
His breathing heavier than usual.
But I don't turn around.
I can't.
I tighten my arms around myself, as if trying to hold myself together.
.. not to break completely.
"Go..." I murmur, my voice barely audible. "Please..."
Silence.
He doesn't leave.
Of course he doesn't leave.
I feel him move slightly on the bed, closer... but he doesn't touch me.
Not this time.
“You’re right,” he says softly. “It’s not my fault.” His words hit me, even though they’re true. I close my eyes tighter.
“But it’s not just yours,” he continues, further down.
A bitter laugh escapes me through my tears.
“Yes,” I whisper. “It’s mine… I was stupid… I thought… I didn’t say…”
My voice breaks. “I didn’t tell him I was beta…”
The words hang in the air.
Heavy.
Real.
Behind me, Samuel says nothing for a few seconds.
Then the bed moves slightly again.
He moves closer.
He still doesn’t touch me… but he’s close.
“Idris…” his voice is different now.
“That doesn’t make you stupid.”
I squint.
“Yes,” I say through my teeth. “Look at me… look where I’ve ended up…
” I suddenly turn on my back, tears flowing uncontrollably.
"I'm pregnant, Jesus!" I burst out.
"In this house! With him there! With my father.
."
My voice breaks completely.
My breathing becomes chaotic.
Samuel reacts instantly.
Not suddenly. Not aggressively.
But firmly.
His hand grips my wrist lightly.
“Hey.”
One word.
But he stops me.
“Breathe.” I try.
It doesn’t work. “Breathe,” he repeats, closer now.
I feel his hand moving gently up my arm, steady.
Calm.
He’s not forcing me.
It’s just…
there.
I take a deep breath.
Then again.
And again.
Until… I don’t feel like I’m choking anymore.
The camera zooms in.
He hasn’t let go of me.
But he’s not squeezing me either.
He’s just holding me there.
Anchored.
“You’re not alone in this anymore,” he says softly.
I turn my head to him.
His eyes are on me.
Serious.
Tired.
Real.
“Don’t say that…” I whisper. “Because I know how it is here… I know how my father is… when he finds out..”
“He won’t find out now,” I interrupt.
“You’re saying that after you told him to get down Samuel, it doesn’t make any sense…
”
“I know,” he says more firmly. “Because I’m not going to let him. ”
I look at him, incredulous.
For a moment, I really want to laugh.
But I can’t.
“Why?” I ask. “Why would you care?”
Silence.
Samuel blinks slowly.
Then he looks away for a second…
as if searching for the words.
“Because you’re my brother.
” Simple. No drama. No raised tone. But he hits me squarely in the chest. I’m left without an answer.
He sighs softly and runs a hand through his hair.
“And because…” he continues more slowly.
“…even though I’m an idiot sometimes…” He glances at me briefly.
“You don’t deserve to go through this alone.
”
The tears won't stop.
But they're not the same anymore.
They're not just panic anymore.
It's… something else.
Pain mixed with something I don't want to name.
"I don't know what to do..." I whisper again.
Samuel doesn't answer right away.
He looks at the ceiling.
Then back to me.
"Then don't decide today.
"
I take a deep breath.
"What?"
"Don't decide today," he repeats.
"It's too long. It's too early." Pause. "Tomorrow…
we'll see." he says "rest, calm down.
.. I want to see my grandson in A few months"
I look at him.
For the first time…he doesn't just look threatening.
Or cold.
He looks… human.
Tired.
Like me.
I swallow hard and nod my head ever so slightly.
Not because I have a plan.
Not because I’m okay.
But because…
It’s all I can do right now.
Make it until tomorrow.
---
Cedric pov:
I can’t.
I can’t anymore.
I’m going completely crazy.
It’s only been a few hours since he left, but already my wolf is longing for him, for his confused gaze and for something…something my wolf doesn’t know yet
I’m leaning against the wall and I feel my whole body tense, as if I’m waiting for something that won’t come.
Idris.
His name is in my head like an echo that won’t stop.
I run my hand through my hair once more and curse under my breath.
“The hell with this…”
My wolf is not at peace. Not at all. He's agitated, nervous, like he's feeling something I can't quite touch yet...
And that's driving me crazy.
Because I feel things. I always do.
But with him... it's like something slips through my fingers so easily.
Otis appears in my office (or my dad's) with a glass of water.
He hands it to me and I thank him. I really needed it, I haven't eaten or drunk anything in almost a day.
"How are you holding up?" Otis asks and sits down on the chair, behind him was Rowan who just nods his head at me and follows the same example as Otis.
"If I don't ejaculate thinking about him every hour then I'm going crazy, I'm going to tear this whole academy apart," I whisper and Rowan laughs softly.
"Poor Loxley," Rowan says.
"Ha-ha-ha, I forgot to laugh, Mr. Rowan Vale, excuse me, you have your match right in the academy, Elian Synn," I hiss and roll my eyes and he swallows hard and falls silent.
Otis laughs softly, but doesn’t continue the joke.
“Okay, so it’s really serious,” he says calmly, looking at me intently.
I run my hand over my face and exhale heavily.
“It’s not ‘serious,’” I mutter.
“It’s… annoying. It’s in my head non-stop and I don’t understand why.
”
Rowan leans back in his chair and studies me.
“Have you tried leaving him alone?” he asks simply.
I look at him immediately.
“I’m not leaving him alone,” I say dryly.
Otis raises an eyebrow.
“That was pretty clear.”
I clench my jaw.
“Not in that sense,” I shake my head.
“I mean… I’m not leaving him alone because something’s missing.
”
There’s silence.
Rowan gets more serious.
“What do you mean?”
I look back out the window.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “But I feel like he’s… breaking.”
Otis isn’t laughing at all now.
“Cedric… have you talked to him?”
I let out a short, humorless laugh.
“If ‘talked’ means catching him for a second between doors and eyes and feeling like he’s running away from me for whatever reason…
then yes.”
Rowan crosses his arms.
“Maybe he’s actually running away from you.
”
I turn to him abruptly.
“No,” I say immediately.
“That’s not it.”
Otis sighs.
“Then what is it?”
I run my hand through my hair again, nervously.
“It’s like…” I swallow. “Like he wants me close, but at the same time he can’t stand to see me.
”
Silence.
Rowan looks at me differently now.
“And what do you want?”
I’m stuck for a second.
The question is simple.
Too simple.
"On him. His whole soul. His whole life and I can go on"
Otis sits up a little.
"So you're a psychopath?"
I clench my fists.
"It doesn't help me."
He shrugs.
"Even the truth doesn't always help. "
Heavy silence.
"Why don't you go through your dad's files and maybe find the phone number or the pack he came from?
" Rowan asks and I put my hands on my head, then I sigh dramatically, slumping in my dad's chair with my hands on my head.
"Do you really think I'm that stupid, Vale?
I've tried, once, three times, even since he left I've tried to find something or hack the database but dad won't show anything.
NOTHING!" I start softly and end with a too-strong tone at the end and the veins show along my neck and continue on my forehead.
Rowan shrugs slightly, not scared by my tone.
"Okay... calm down," he says slowly.
"I didn't say it was easy."
I run my hand over my face and exhale jerkily, trying to regain control.
Otis leans forward a little.
"Cedric," he says more seriously now, "if your dad blocked access... it's not just routine protection."
I freeze.
I already know where it’s going.
But I don’t want to go there.
“What do you mean?” I ask, even though I know.
Otis exchanges a brief glance with Rowan.
“Maybe he doesn’t want to be found.”
I feel something pressing down on my chest.
“No,” I say immediately. “No. It doesn’t make sense.”
I suddenly stand up from my chair.
“I’ve known him for 3 weeks. I feel him.
He’s not the kind of guy who just disappears for no reason.
”
Otis rubs his forehead.
“Then explain to me why every door you open about him… is closed.”
Silence.
Hard.
I look at the desk, at the papers, at all this chaos that tells me nothing.
And… I don’t answer. I clench my jaw.
“I don’t care what’s in the papers,” I say quietly.
"I don't care about his pack, the system, anything. " I look up. "I want him..."
Rowan sighs.
"Cedric..."
"No," I interrupt.
"There's no 'no' here anymore."
I grab my jacket from the back.
Otis stands up.
"And if you find him and he rejects you?
"
I stop.
Just for a second.
Then I answer honestly, without thinking:
"Then I'll come back.
" Pause. "But I'm not leaving without him.
"
And I leave the room.
Because my instinct is no longer just noise.
It's direction.
And it's pulling me straight towards him.
Even if it takes hours, or days.
---
Samuel pov:
I'm stupid.
So stupid.
The first time I saw him after 3 weeks, I knew something had changed, and I was right.
But it didn't bother me... ever.
I never thought about Idirs in that way.
But the fact that he went to the Alpha academy and mated with the Alpha...that makes me jealous
I sigh and look at him sleeping on my hand. It's already the third time he's slept since. When he got home and I don't think he put anything in his mouth to eat or drink.
When someone in the family expects the most from you.
..you don't have time for yourself anymore.
To think.
To assimilate.
And..
.you end up like me.
To get angry at the only person who was there for you even though you always made fun of him.
..but me? Me? I'm just a future Beta of the pack who always thought about him, and only him.
Even though deep down I knew Idris had to be the beta. Now he should be the dominant one, not me.
I’m just a coward.
I watch him breathe in his sleep and realize how quiet this room is… compared to the chaos inside me.
I don’t know when I came to hold him so close without realizing it.
My fingers still lightly touch his wrist, as if if I let go…
he’ll disappear. As if if I relax my hand for a second, I’ll never find him in this state again, vulnerable, tired, torn to pieces.
“Idris…” I whisper involuntarily.
He doesn’t answer, of course.
He’s asleep.
But I still feel like I have to say something.
I glance over at him and clench my jaw.
It should be simple. He’s Idris. I’m Samuel.
He’s the big brother. Future Beta. That’s all.
But it’s not.
Because every time I see him like this… I feel like everything I knew about myself changes a little.
I lower my hand, slowly, and rest my forehead on my other palm.
“What are you doing to me…” I mutter, almost voiceless.
I want to laugh, but I can’t.
Because the answer is simple and I don’t like it much: nothing I do is just “normal” anymore when it comes to him.
I remember how he was shaking earlier.
How he said “I’m pregnant” in that broken voice, as if reality was hitting him every second anew.
I close my eyes for a moment.
I don’t know how something like this can be fixed.
I don’t know if it can be fixed.
I just know that if my dad finds out… it won’t just be panic. It’ll be control. It’ll be decisions made about him. Idris will be pushed around like he’s not allowed to breathe on his own.
And the thought of it makes me nauseous.
I run my hand through my hair and slowly get up from the bed, not waking him.
I look at him one more time.
“I’m not leaving you,” I say quietly, more for myself than for him.
It’s not a nice promise.
It’s a warning.
For the world.
For my dad.
For whatever comes next.
Because it doesn’t matter what I “should” be anymore.
All that matters is that he’s here.
And for the first time, I can’t pretend I don’t feel anything anymore.
I grab my phone and quietly leave the room, closing the door behind me.
But even in the hallway, the silence is no longer silence.
There is tension.
And I know one thing for sure: from now on, whatever happens to Idris… starts to involve me too.