~Chapter 17~
I take a deep breath.
Once.
Twice.
It doesn't help.
I stare at the door for a few seconds. I just stand there.
I know. I can't help it anymore.
"I need to talk to them.
.." I mutter softly, and pull away from Cedric's embrace.
He hugs me even tighter than before, not letting me go.
"Noo..." He mumbles, his head nestled in the crook of my neck.
"Cedric..." I say a little more annoyed.
He calms down a little, but not enough to suffocate me.
"CEDRIC!" I scream now, annoyed.
He quickly takes his hands off me, and whispers something softly that I hope is an 'excuse me'.
I roll my eyes and head for the door.
And out I go
The stairs seem longer than before.
Each step... harder.
More calculated than before.
The voices are already coming from below.
Low. Tense.
When I arrive, I stop for a second.
My mother is there.
She wasn't there before.
She's standing next to my father. Her gaze immediately jumps to me.
Confused. But… attentive.
Samuel is leaning against the wall. Arms crossed. Jaw clenched.
"...Idris." my father's voice hits me directly. It's not warm. It's not angry. It's... decisive. "Sit down, please"
I don't move.
"No." I say simply.
Silence.
Samuel raises his head slightly. Surprised.
Mom looks between us.
My heart is beating too fast. But I don't back down.
"We need to talk." I say and I give him a moment to gather himself.
"But humanly. Not our kind... noisy" I mention and my mother looks at me and my father in confusion.
Then, Cedric comes down the stairs and appears in my mother's line of sight and his eyes darken a little.
"Come here, and shut up" I say and I gesture for him to sit at the table where I am now, with my parents.
Cedric doesn't answer right away.
He just looks at me.
For a second it looks like he wants to say something.
But he doesn’t.
He slowly approaches the table.
Too calm.
Too sure of himself.
He pulls out the chair.
The sound of it on the floor… breaks the silence.
He sits down next to me.
Not too close.
But not far either.
I can feel his warmth anyway.
My father doesn’t sit down.
He remains standing.
His gaze moves from me… to Cedric.
“I don’t think he should be here.
” he says simply.
“I don’t think you’re in a position to comment.
” I reply immediately. Too fast.
Samuel lets out a short laugh.
Humorless.
“Really?” I ignore him.
Mom still doesn’t say anything.
But she looks intently.
At me.
At Cedric.
At… everything.
The silence becomes heavy.
Oppressive.
I swallow hard.
“What happened outside…” I begin.
My voice isn’t as steady as I want it to be.
But I continue. “…it’s true.”
My father immediately tenses.
Samuel shifts his position.
Cedric…
doesn’t move.
But I can feel his attention completely fall on me.
“I’m not going to drag it out.” I add more slowly.
I clasp my hands under the table. “He…” I point slightly at Cedric without looking at him “…he’s my mate.
He’s the father of the child”
Quiet.
Total.
Mom blinks slowly.
The confusion on her face turns into something else.
Something more… serious.
Samuel reacts first.
"No." he says directly.
"It's not possible."
"It is.
" Cedric answers calmly.
My father turns his head suddenly towards him.
"I didn't ask you."
Cedric doesn't back down.
He doesn't look down.
"I know.
" he replies simply. "But it doesn't change anything.
"
The air becomes heavy.
I feel the tension rising again.
My mother takes a step closer to the table.
"Idris..." she says softly.
Her voice is different.
Softer.
"Are you sure?"
I look up at her.
For a second... I hesitate.
Then I nod.
"Yes."
Samuel blurts out.
"It's a big shit, Idris.
" He takes a step forward. "You don't even know him, and already.
..!"
"You don't have to!" Cedric answers immediately.
He stands up from his chair.
His movement is quick.
Controlled.
But clear.
"That's not how it works.
"
My father takes a step too.
Now we're face to face.
"In my house, it works the way I say.
"
My breathing quickens.
"That's it!
" I say louder than I intended.
Everyone stops.
Their eyes turn to me.
I place a hand on my stomach out of reflex.
And... I feel it.
The reaction is small.
But enough
"You guys are so stressful!
" I mention, and my father mumbles something
"He didn't even have the right to leave you when he's his partner.
Pregnant!" my father states loudly and grits his teeth, his cheekbones are getting paler now and my mother tries to calm him down.
"I tried to look for him! I barely found him, it's not my fault.
.!" I mention Cedric, furious but before he can finish I get up from the table and the commotion stops.
My breathing is chaotic.
But I don't back down.
"Enough." I say below.
But it's enough.
It feels good.
I run a hand through my hair, frustrated.
"It's not about who had the right to what.
" I continue. "It's not about rules. It's not about.
.. your perfect pack."
My father's gaze darkens.
"Be careful how you speak."
"No.
" I answer immediately. I look at him directly.
For the first time without blinking. "Because it's my body.
"
Silence.
Heavy.
Oppressive.
Mom gently puts her hand to her mouth.
Samuel freezes for a second.
Cedric… He doesn’t say anything. But he moves.
He approaches me slightly. He doesn’t touch me yet.
But he’s there.
“You’re not going to sit here and decide for me.
” I continue.
My voice trembles a little.
But I don’t stop.
“You’re not going to sit here and talk about me like I’m not even in the room.
”
Samuel clenches his jaw.
“We’re trying to protect you…
”
“I don’t need to!” I interrupt.
Silence. “If you really want to know, here you go. I’M NOT KEEPING THE CHILD!
” I say loudly and start to walk away, walking past Samuel but he grabs my wrist.
“Idris…” he starts but I take his hand off me.
“Take your hand off me, Shit” I say and walk away.
I put on my shoes so quickly that I almost fell, and then I leave the house.
The cold breath from outside hits me directly in the face.
A few moments ago it was warm...
and now the wind is blowing.
The air feels lighter.
..but at the same time it doesn't help at all.
My heart is beating chaotically.
I clasp my hands to my sides, trembling slightly.
"Perfect..." I mutter through my teeth.
I hear the door open behind me.
I don’t turn around right away.
I already know who it is.
Footsteps.
Calm.
Sure.
Cedric.
“Idris…” he begins.
His voice is low.
But I can’t anymore.
I turn around suddenly.
“No.” I say immediately.
A step back. “Don’t say anything now.
” He stops. He looks at me. Almost… surprised.
“What were you going to do there?” I continue, my voice rising a little.
“Fight my whole family? Prove what?!”
Cedric clenches his jaw.
But he doesn’t answer right away.
“I can’t control myself,” he says quietly.
“Not when it comes to you.”
I roll my eyes.
But it’s not anger.
It’s… too much.
“That’s exactly the problem,” I say more quietly.
“You don’t see the consequences.”
He approaches me.
A step. Then another one. It doesn’t touch me.
But it’s too close.
“I can see them,” he says.
His gaze softens a little. “And I choose to stay.”
My heart tightens.
For a second…I have no answer.
I look away.
“You don’t understand…” I say quietly.
“This isn’t just about you or us.”
Cedric doesn’t answer.
But I feel him.
His attention is 100% on me.
“Your father wasn’t kidding.” he says after a few seconds.
“He’s not going to let it go.”
I swallow hard.
I know.
Too good.
“And you?” I ask him suddenly.
I look straight at him. “If you have to choose… between me and your pack?” Silence.
For the first time… Cedric doesn’t answer right away.
His gaze drops for a second.
Then he looks up at me.
More serious.
Harder.
“I don’t have to choose,” he says.
“Because my choice is already made.”
I look at him.
Confused. Cedric takes another step closer.
This time… he raises his hand and touches my cheek lightly. “You.”
My breath catches in my chest.
“And if that means I lose everything…” he continues, more slowly. “…then I lose everything.”
Silence.
Complete silence.
Just the two of us.
I don’t know what to say.
Because…I believe him.
I collapse into his chest, and often slowly.
He hugs me and comforts me.
“I just…want a break from all this,” I say softly and he looks at me and I look at him for a moment, but then I turn back to the house.
“I want to talk to Maria. I need My friend, Cedric,” I say, and he nods and brings my gaze back to him.
He cups my cheeks with both hands, and leans his face closer to mine.
“An hour, baby,” he says and I nod. He smiles softly, and kisses my lips.
After a few seconds, he sticks his tongue out of my mouth and bites my lip.
"An hour," he repeats again and I pull away from him, shy, ashamed.
My breathing calms down a little as I pull away from him.
Just a little.
Cedric stays there, looking after me.
His gaze isn't relaxed.
It's..
.
As if trying to keep me safe even without touching me.
"Be careful," he says softly.
It doesn't sound like a command.
It sounds... like real concern.
I nod my head slightly.
Without saying anything.
I turn around and start walking towards Maria's house, which is a 10-minute walk away.
---
I arrive in front of her house. A two-story house, painted light cream and with all kinds of flowers in every window. Mrs. Thud is a great cook and I love spending spring planting hydrangeas with her and Maria, laughing.
I walk slowly until I reach the door. I ring the bell and wait a few minutes.
Mrs. Thud appears, smiling and with an apron around her waist.
"Excuse me, mama's boy.
I was making cookies, Poppy is in the pack" she says happily and I smile a little.
"Maybe I'll get a chance to see Maria's girlfriend too.
But right now I really need to talk to Maria" I say and she opens the door warmly and still smiling.
The warm air inside hits me immediately, mixed with the smell of vanilla and something sweet.
Mrs. Thud makes way for me to enter, without asking questions.
“Maria is upstairs,” she says softly.
I swallow hard.
“Thank you…” I mutter softly.
I climb the stairs.
Slower this time.
They seem quieter than mine at home.
But inside me… it’s just as chaotic.
When I reach her door, I knock lightly.
I don’t have to wait long.
“Come in,” her voice says.
I open the door.
Maria is sitting on the bed. She doesn’t get up right away.
She just… looks at me. As if she already knows.
“You came,” she says softly.
I close the door behind me and approach.
“I needed you…” I admit. Maria crosses her arms. But she’s not cold.
“And you have to explain something to me.” She’s attentive.
“Then say it,” she says.
I stop in front of her.
For a second…
I don’t know how to begin.
“First time… I don’t think I’m keeping the baby” Maria doesn’t react immediately.
She doesn’t seem surprised.
Just…
sad.
“Why?” she asks slowly.
She puts a hand to my stomach.
“Because… I can’t…” my voice cracks a little.
“Not now… not like this… not with almost everyone against me…”
Maria approaches.
Slowly. Unhurriedly.
“Idris…” she says.
Her voice is different now. Warmer. “You’re not alone in this.
”
I look up at her.
“Yes…” I say slowly.
“At that table… I was alone.”
Maria nods.
“I can imagine,” she admits. “But you weren’t. ”
Silence.
I purse my lips.
“Cedric…” I say slowly.
"He wants me to keep them, I don't. The others do, and Dad doesn't seem too thrilled that I'm the mate of a leading Alphaq, or rather, that he's not from my pack.
"
Maria tenses slightly.
"And that scares you.
" It's not a question. It's a statement.
I shrug, frustrated.
"I don't know what's worse.
.." I mutter. "The fact that he wants me to have him.
.. or the fact that I really..." I stop.
I don't finish.
Maria looks at me closely.
"Really what?" I swallow.
"...I don't want to lose him. "
Silence.
Maria takes a deep breath.
Then she lowers her shoulders slightly.
"Then it's not him," she says softly.
"It's the choice."
I look at her.
Confused.
"And what do I do?" I ask.
Maria tilts her head.
"You don't choose under pressure," she says.
"Not from him. Not from them. Not out of fear.
" She puts a hand on my shoulder. "You choose when you're sure.
"
I look at her.
But...
"What if he doesn't let me?
" I ask softly.
Maria purses her lips.
"Then he has to learn," she says. "But don't take revenge on a child.
Your child. Your only child. Your legacy.
..and I can go on," she says and takes me in her arms.
She lets go of my hug, and motions for me to sit on the bed.
"Is there anything else you want me to say?
" She asks and I smile a little and nod.
I sit up straighter in bed and look at her, who is biting her gel nails.
Weird
"How do you know him? And why didn't I know your girlfriend came to the pack?
" I ask now sulking that I didn't know this from my best friend.
"Well...where to start" she murmurs and moves closer to me.
"Do you know when we went out to that cafe?
" She asks.
"Yeah. The first time you said you found your mate, Poppy" I say and she smiles and looks back at her desk.
Choosing the right words.
"Well, I met her, at the Moonridge Pack.
" She says and pauses "She's an omega. So, I first met Alpha.
..sorry. Cedric. At that wedding where I went to my friend's, and Cedric was there too.
Because he's the Alpha of the pack and he had to be.
But in short, I think you figured out how it happened" she says and I nod.
"And about Poppy, I found out today. After I left you"
A few minutes pass. Five, ten, maybe more.
Maria sighs softly and puts her hands in her lap.
“It’s not just a coincidence, you know…
” she says more quietly.
I raise an eyebrow.
“What do you mean?”
She looks at me directly.
Serious.
“That Cedric’s pack… isn’t just any pack.
” Silence.
“What does that mean?” I ask.
Maria hesitates.
This isn’t something she says lightly.
“It means… things don’t stop at ‘mate’,” she continues.
“For them… this connection is much deeper. More… instinctive.” I swallow hard.
I can already feel where this conversation is going.
“And the child…” I mutter. Maria nods slowly. “It’s not just your child.”
Silence.
I feel the air rushing out of my chest.
“It’s his too,” she says calmly.
“And that changes everything.”
I put my hand to my mouth.
No… I didn’t want to hear that.
Not like that.
“You mean…?” I ask quietly.
Maria tilts her head.
“So Cedric won’t let you make decisions like he’s not involved.
”
My heart beats faster.
“I don’t want to exclude him either…
” I say quickly. “But I can’t be… pushed into something I’m not sure about either.
”
Maria looks at me closely.
Then she says something that hits me right in the heart:
“It’s not just about choice, Idris. ” Pause. “It’s about connection.”
Maria continues.
“When you’re attached to someone like Cedric…
your body reacts differently.”
I lower my head a little.
“And the baby…” I mutter.
“He’ll feel everything.
” She confirms.
Silence.
That… scares me.
More than anything.
“So I can’t escape this…
” I say softly.
Maria places a hand over mine.
“You don’t have to ‘escape’,” she says.
“You just have to understand.”
I look up at her.
“And if I don’t want to keep the baby?
”
Maria doesn’t answer right away.
She chooses her words carefully.
“Then it has to be your real choice. Not influenced. Not forced. Not out of fear.”
I swallow hard.
For the first time… I’m actually thinking about this.
Not just emotionally.
But… real.
Maria leans closer to me.
"But… Idris…” Her voice is softer now.
“Whatever choice you make… don’t make it to prove something.
”
I look at her.
Confused.
“Not to Cedric. Not to your father. Not to the pack.” she says “But… to you.” she whispers the last sentence
For a few seconds…
I don’t say anything.
I just… sit.
And my head is in chaos.
But somewhere, deep down… Maria is right.
I rest my head on her shoulder and she looks at me, and she looks at me.
We laugh. Both of us. Without any logic or meaning.
“Thank you so much,” I say after we calm down.
She nods and runs her blue-painted nails through my blond hair.
“When are you going to get matched again? Like when we were in high school…” She murmurs and smiles a little, showing her dimple.
"I don't want any more. I've had enough colors, I prefer my natural color.
.." I continue, and that makes me feel better.
Happier, not stressed. I just needed a break.