Chapter 1 #3
“But I’m taking this seriously.” There’s a clarity in his eyes I’m not used to. For the first time ever I’m seeing Noah without all the bullshit. “I mean it. You’re incredible. This . . .” He waves at the empty containers of desserts they all have. “This is amazing. Everyone needs to know it.”
Something tight hits me. Something uncomfortable.
It’s not that I don’t know what I make is good.
It’s just that day in and day out my customers rarely hit the double digits.
This sense of impostor syndrome screams the loudest when I’m alone.
I know what I make is great. Then I think about that and I don’t know, I feel . . .
Shame? Insecure?
I feel like I’m not good enough. I just want some reward for all the hard work I’ve put into this. I had to start over when we sold our old place, and I knew it would be hard. I just didn’t realize it would be this hard.
And I’m doing it all without her.
Maybe Noah’s right. “Okay.” Maybe this will help. “I um . . . can’t on Saturday night, though. I have a date at eight. So as long as we’re done by then.”
“I always support romance. We’ll be done by then. I get off at two from the library and then I’ll be over.”
“I can’t really pay you, though. If you want to plan this thing. I can’t ask you to do it for free.”
“You’re not asking, I’m insisting. I’m doing it for free because I believe in you.”
“Take the help, Sawyer,” Jamie says. “He loves to plan shit. You’re doing him a favor. And me, honestly. I’ve forgotten what silence is like.” Noah glares at him.
I think it over. “Okay, well, fine. But I’ll make you any desserts you want. I don’t want you to do it for nothing.”
“If we can get this place packed, it won’t be for nothing.” Noah smiles at me kindly. “You’re great, we just need to get the word out.”
My door chimes and I watch Jane glide into the shop. She’s holding a box of things. I wish she hadn’t brought it now. I thought she was coming with it tomorrow. “Really?”
“I’m sorry. The realtor called right after I talked to you.
They’re showing the house today and I just want to make sure these things aren’t accidentally broken or stolen.
” She sets the box down on the counter, her long, pin-straight black hair swishing with her movements.
She’s a few inches taller than me without heels.
Noah peeks inside it. “Uh, no offense, but I don’t think anyone is going to steal this.” He pulls the ceramic sculpture out of the box. He’s not wrong. It’s nearly ten inches tall and the ugliest fucking thing known to man. It was also one of my mother’s prized possessions.
The entire elephant is cobalt blue with unnerving red eyes.
It looks like parts of it have been glued together once or twice.
Gold filigree is threaded in intricate designs, it’s missing half an ear, its face is twisted and deformed on one side .
. . Honestly, it looks like it survived a nuclear blast. Melted.
Then whoever got the remains decided to resculpt an elephant from memory.
And now it’s mine.
Yay.
While I don’t exactly want it, but my mother loved this thing. Jane didn’t want it. Throwing it away felt wrong. She loved this ugly fucking thing. The upside I guess is that every time I look at it I’ll be reminded of her.
I take it from Noah and walk to the back, quickly putting it on the prep counter next to the door leading to my apartment upstairs. One of the perks of this place is that I’m never far from home.
I’m on Main Street in downtown Pulglass. It’s nice enough. I thought when I leased it after selling my mother’s restaurant that the location would bring in lots of traffic.
I was wrong.
The stress is starting to bottleneck.
I’m going to drop tonight.
I come back out to the counter. “Oh, Sawyer. Game night two weeks from Friday. Don’t forget! Third Friday of the month.” Noah looks at my sister. “You’re welcome to come too.”
“What do you usually play at game night?” my sister asks.
“Strip poker.” Noah beams.
“Will Sawyer be there?” she asks.
“No,” I say.
At the same time Noah says, “Yes.”
Jane laughs. “I’ll pass. I’d rather soak my eyeballs in bleach.” She smiles, then switches to Thai to tell me again how sorry she is about earlier. She wraps me in a tight hug that I return instantly, and my anger deflates.
What’s done is done, and being angry at Jane won’t help me.
“Love you,” I say back, just as my doorbell chimes and two men walk in.
I’ve never seen them before. I would definitely know if I had.
One man has silver hair, and walks in front of the other, his eyes darting around the room before they land on my sister with a slow, predatory gaze. He looks young, barely twenty maybe.
Then he moves, and my eyes connect with the other man.
Whoa.
He’s . . . stunning.
That’s the only way to describe him. He’s wearing a black silk dress shirt rolled up to expose the veins in his forearms. His rich tawny skin is smooth save for tiny white scars on his arms and one trailing down next to his right eye.
Violet eyes?
Or are they a brown hue?
They’re smoky, heavy. He’s taller than me by a few inches.
“Uh, hello,” the younger one says, his mouth twisted with mischief. His hands shoved into the pockets of his torn-up jeans. “Can my friend and I get some service?” I realize now that I haven’t stopped staring at his friend.
“Hello, beautiful strangers.” Noah holds out his hand. “And what are your names?”
The silver-haired one inspects Noah, a dash of heat in his eyes. “My name’s Koda.” He grins, taking Noah’s hand and kissing the top. Jamie pulls his hand away with a glare. “This is my brother, Aiden.”
“I’m not your brother,” Aiden murmurs. “Can I have four of those lemon bars? And two strawberry cupcakes.”
“Maybe I want a cupcake.” Koda pouts.
“Then get your own fucking cupcakes,” Aiden says, his voice laced with boredom.
I’m almost too stunned to move, but my brain comes back online enough to get their desserts. Service. Service him. No, not service him. I mean, not that I’d mind, but holy shit, get it together. The man needs service. Right. Dessert. “These are for Katya,” Aiden says looking back at Koda.
A girlfriend? Damn. Not that it matters. It’s not like I’d have the balls to ask this guy out or anything. I’d like to think I’m a good-looking guy. I workout with Hunter despite my busy schedule. Honestly, if I didn’t, I don’t know that I’d ever even step outside.
It’s a routine we’ve kept since college. We have to get up at the ass crack of dawn to do it now with our busy schedules, but it’s a routine I crave. Something I do just for me. A few months ago, we switched to Cam’s gym. It’s open twenty-four seven, which is perfect for both of our work schedules.
It doesn’t even matter.
This man is ethereal and I’m a mess.
“These lemon bars are my favorite.” I glance up at Aiden who’s giving me a bored stare. “They’re um, my mother’s recipe.” Again, nothing.
Okay then.
“Would you two love to come to a riveting game of strip poker?” Noah asks.
“Noah.” Jamie pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Depends.” Koda looks him up and down. “How bad are you at strip poker?” He smirks and Jamie glares, tugging Noah onto his lap.
“I’m actually amazing at strip poker.” He grins.
“You’re literally the worst.” Hunter shakes his head. “I think you lose on purpose.”
“What about you?” Koda says to my sister. “If you’re not busy later—”
“I’m the busiest anyone has ever been.” Jane hops off the barstool. “Busy for the foreseeable future.” She comes behind the counter to give me a hug. “Goodbye, boys. Have a good time at your sausagefest.” Koda watches as she walks away, and it’s almost instinct to tell him to fuck off.
Jane is an adult, though, and this isn’t college anymore.
My sister can more than take care of herself.
Besides, he’s way too young to be hitting on her as it is.
I can’t help sneaking glances at Aiden as I finish ringing up his purchase.
He comes up closer to the register, and I nearly swallow my tongue.
Up close I can see the thin scar that only just misses his eye.
A slight imperfection in a gorgeous landscape.
He’s painfully handsome. Full lips and heavy eyes.
“What’s your favorite dessert?” He blinks at me. “Uh, never mind. That um, comes to twenty-nine even.” He swipes his card. “Uh, thank you. I hope you’ll come back. My name’s Sawyer.” Fuck, he does not give a shit what my name is. “Um yeah, have um, a nice day.”
“Mint chocolate anything.” His deep voice catches me off guard. There’s a slight accent. It’s so faint and I don’t know where it comes from. I would have missed it had I not been so hyperaware of him.
“W-what?”
“My favorite desserts. Don’t care what. I love mint chocolate.”
I smile wide. I feel like I won something. “I love mint chocolate too.”
“You hate mint choc—” I glare at my best friend.
“You have good taste.” Hunter snorts.
I think I see his lip twitch into a smile, or maybe I’m losing it and imagining things.
“Have a good day, Sawyer.” His voice is smooth, and easy.
“Thanks, uh, you too.” I swallow, not trusting myself to make any more words. I’ve embarrassed myself enough.
He takes the bag, not waiting for Koda to leave the store, and Koda blows Noah a kiss before trailing after him. As soon as the door closes Noah pushes off Jamie’s lap. “You know what being all caveman like does to me.” Noah glares. “Behave yourself.”
I’m still staring at the door. “You want to come over tonight and watch the Otters game?” I faintly hear. “Sawyer?”
I peel my gaze away from the door and focus on Hunter. “What?”
“The Otters game at seven. You said you’d come over and watch it.” Right. Hockey. My first instinct is to say no, but maybe a change of scenery will be good for me.
“Yeah. Can you pick me up around six?”
“Of course.” Hunter gets off his stool, followed by his boyfriend, and I say goodbye to my friends. Then I blink into the silence they leave in my bakery once they’re gone. I feel empty. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this bakery going.
Or myself for that matter.