Chapter 5 #2
It’s still hard to think about her in the past tense when she’s the most influential person in my life. She taught me everything I know about being a great baker, cook, and person.
And now she’s gone.
I shove it away. I don’t want to feel it. I don’t even want to think about it. Even with the sting in my eyes, I can’t cry. I don’t know why. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Jane was sobbing, Hunter cried too. I just can’t.
Jamming my hands in my pockets, I head down another street. I have so much to do next week. Two weeks isn’t much time at all. What if I do all this work and no one shows up? I guess I’ll know for sure if I’m a failure or not.
I just want to bake for people.
It’s quiet on this street until I hear a car turn down the road. The headlights bloom in my path and my chest tightens. There’s no one else around right now. My spine stiffens as I hear it slow to a crawl, and my chest becomes tighter, but I look ahead and mind my business.
In my periphery I see a beat-up blue car slow to a crawl and then hear the windows roll down. “Sawyer?”
That voice.
I turn my head and see Aiden, half his attention on me and the other half on the road. “Oh. Hey.”
“What are you doing all the way out here?”
He pulls the car over and I walk to his window. “Horrible date. Had to walk it off.”
“Date?” He nods, pulling his attention toward the road ahead and then back to me again. “Kind of far from home, no?”
I shrug. “Fifteen-minute walk.”
“Want a ride?”
That dumbass feeling hits me right in the gut. I just need to get my shit together. I almost thought he was checking me out the other day, which was my sign to call Damien and see if he wanted to go out tonight.
The thing is, Aiden is what Hunter likes to call rich pretty. He looks expensive even in the plain T-shirt he’s wearing and driving this shitty, beat-up car. He looks like someone important. His features are sharp—sharp gaze, sharp cheekbones, sharp, solid set to his lips.
I don’t know Aiden very well, but it seems I’m feeling reckless tonight.
“Okay.” I open the door and slide into the passenger seat. It’s old as hell. The car rocks as I sit. The seats are torn a bit, and there’s an old tape deck where the radio is. “Is this safe?”
He pats the dash. “She’s old, but she’s reliable.
” I buckle up, even though I’m pretty sure the survival rate would be less than zero in an accident.
He starts to drive and I glance over, noticing the black T-shirt he’s wearing.
It strains around his biceps as one hand holds the wheel, the veins in his arms flexing as he drives.
There are pale little scars decorating his arms, and he smells like he just took a shower.
I love that freshly showered smell.
“What are you doing out so late?”
“I just went to the gym. Heading home now.” His violet eyes slide to mine.
They’re so odd—brown sometimes, then a hint of that violet hue when the light hits them just right.
This close to him I can see the scar on his face.
It drags from his temple all the way down to his cheekbone.
It’s thin and looks old. I can’t imagine what did that.
“So, was your date hot at least?”
I sigh. “About the only thing going for him.” Maybe I need to put the apps away. It’s hard to meet people, but the apps aren’t helping the way I thought. Dating is a shitshow. Most people just want to fuck. I thought Damien was different. Or maybe that’s just what I wanted to see.
He glances over at me and I realize I haven’t stopped staring.
“You’re not swayed by a pretty face?” A soft smile struggles at the corner of his lips before it gives up, falling flat. “Do you mind if I take the long way?”
“Long?”
“Route seven,” he says.
“Oh, uh.” Fuck, I hate back roads. Deer scare the shit out of me. I’ve never been in an accident, and I have no clue where this fear comes from, but it’s almost debilitating. Seeing wrecks makes me sick to my stomach. “Yeah. That’s fine.”
He turns down a dirt road and trees surround us on either side. “Tell me about your date.” He keeps his eyes trained ahead. “What did they do? Chew their food too loud? Laugh weird? Rude to the server?”
“We were supposed to go out last weekend and he canceled. I thought it was for work, but he told me today that he had a chance to go out with another guy he’s been seeing, so he canceled with me and went out with him.
” Silence settles between us, my gaze dropping to my lap.
“He figured I wasn’t busy because I just bake cupcakes. ”
I look up at Aiden, at his hand tightening on the wheel. Trees roll by outside our windows, and I don’t think I’ve ever been this relaxed in a car in my life. “What an asshole,” he says softly.
I want to forget about it. “What about you? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Partner?”
“Fuck no, to all three.” Something punches me. A slight little twinge his sharp words cause.
What is wrong with me?
“Blunt,” I laugh.
He shakes his head. “I don’t understand the point in it.” He switches his hands on the wheel. “You have one life. Why spend it answering to someone who makes you miserable, constantly wondering if they’re cheating or betraying you? If they secretly hate you? If they might kill you?”
“Damn.” I laugh nervously. “Very bleak.”
He shakes his head. “It’s too much.”
“Not if you trust someone.” If you trust someone, it’s the best feeling in the world. Unfortunately, to prove Aiden’s point, I did trust someone and he broke my heart.
“Yeah, well. I trust no one. Easier that way.”
That little flicker of pain grows into a flame.
“Well, I know my person is out there. I’ll find him.
” I’m not settling. I know if I’m patient, the right person will find me.
He’ll be the sweetest, most caring, loving man who has ever lived.
I want someone to look at me like I’m everything they’ve ever needed.
Hunter makes fun of me all the time for these romantic ideas I have, but what he doesn’t realize is all the things he has are the things I want.
He’s just lucky he found the love of his life when he was in college.
Same with Jamie and Noah.
Now Cam and Bo. Cam is literally obsessed with Bowen. It’s really funny and kind of sweet. “Safe to say you’ve never been in love, then.”
Aiden’s lips curl and he shakes his head. “Fuck no.” He pulls off onto another road, and I start to recognize the buildings as we pass. “Still. That guy was a douchebag. You can do better, even if I wouldn’t recommend it.”
“How can you feel that way when you’ve never even experienced it? Being in love is amazing.”
“Have you been in love?”
“Yes.”
“And where is he now?” The cold look in his eyes shocks me a bit.
The words hit hard, and I sink back into the seat, looking out my window as he turns down Main Street.
I hear him blow out a breath, while I can barely breathe through the tension.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly as he pulls into my bakery and parks.
I unbuckle, ready to get out of this car, and swallow hard, my stomach twisting itself into knots. Heat claws up my neck, embarrassment prickling under my skin. I need some air. I need to get away from him. I don’t want him to see the mess growing in my chest.
“It’s fine,” I lie, my voice thin as I reach for the door and open it.
I’m halfway out when his fingers wrap around my arm. Firm, with cold hands that jolt me.
“Wait.” His grip softens slightly as if he’s realizing what his touch is doing to me. He forces himself to meet my eyes, and something raw flickers behind his. If I’m not mistaken, it looks a lot like pain. “I’m sorry.” He drags in an unsteady breath. “I didn’t mean it like that. Not like that.”
I stare at him, my foot already on the pavement, my body halfway out of the car. I slowly pull my foot back in and shut the door. “You’re not wrong.”
“Still doesn’t make it right.” His fingers slip from my arm, but he doesn’t move away. It’s like he’s afraid to give me space, as if I’m going to bolt. I want to. His jaw works before he finally opens his mouth. “It’s just . . .” He exhales sharply. “I’m bad at this.”
“Bad at what?” I laugh.
His hands fall into his lap, his head tilting back onto the head rest. “People. Their emotions.” He laughs, the sound hollow. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m really sorry.”
The inside of this car feels too small, the air in here thick yet fragile. “I accept your apology.”
“It was a dick thing to say.”
I smile. “Yeah, but you’re owning it. That almost cancels it out.”
“Almost.” He smiles like he’s afraid to. The corners of his lips lift, and it’s like he catches himself then his mouth falls. He lolls his head toward me, and something softens on his face, unraveling all his edges.
For a moment neither of us speaks, and I look straight ahead.
It’s too warm in here.
The air’s too thick.
He’s still watching me. It’s dark in here, the only bit of light coming from the streetlight on the sidewalk and the tiny light on the door of my bakery.
My eyes swing back to his and I jolt. My pulse slams against my ears.
His gaze drops to my mouth then lands back on my eyes. My eyes mimic his, dropping to his lips. He leans in. I feel the air in the car shift.
Holy shit, he’s leaning in.
Do I lean in too?
Do I want to?
“Aiden?”
His eyes widen.
He jerks back to his seat, adjusting himself and the rearview mirror as if that had been his intention all along. “I um. Yeah, I wasn’t . . . I’m just, um . . . tired,” he whispers. “Long day.”
My heart is still hammering.
He wasn’t trying to kiss me.
Relax.
But . . . did he almost?
Aiden drags a hand through his hair, his eyes darting around. “I didn’t mean . . . I just. After everything . . . and you and I . . . You know what? I’m going to stop talking.”
“For the best it seems.” He shoots me a glare, and I can’t help the laugh that slips out. Nerves still buzz under my skin, and a tiny smile grows on his face.
“Thank you for the ride.” I grab the door handle and push it open. The cool night air is a relief, but somehow everything feels tighter. “I’ll see you next week, alright?”
His lips twitch into the smallest smile. “Okay.”
I watch him for a moment. Tension presses against my ribs. It doesn’t fade. It only settles, low and heavy somewhere deep inside me.
Hours later, in my bed, I can’t stop thinking about it.
I can’t stop smiling about it.
It takes me a minute to realize just what I’m feeling, and once I place it, I need to forget it.
Aiden is my employee.
He hasn’t even started working for me yet. I need to get a grip and stop seeing shit that doesn’t exist.
But . . .
It’s exactly what I’ve been missing.