13. Chapter 12
Chapter 12
R amiro thumped his head into the wall outside Summer’s apartment door.
She wants you. Take her like you’ve always wanted. The whispering voice inside his head made his body shake with the effort of holding back.
Summer had always been vulnerable. She’d make her whole life all about him if he let her. Just like his mother had for his father.
His father had broken his mother, over and over again. For a while, Ramiro hadn’t cared. Why should he care about a mother who made it clear she didn’t care about him? There was no room for anyone but his father in her heart.
Summer had just spouted that same toxic shit.
So why was the thought of it so very tempting?
His mother had been right to not care about him. He’d waited until he stared down at her corpse before doing anything to help her. He deserved to rot in hell for all he hadn’t done.
Instead, Summer kept offering him heaven. A touch of something sweet and innocent and breakable, just like his father had gotten.
She’s yours. Take her.
The thought filled his ears with a rushing that made him dizzy. The inner voice even sounded like his father’s.
Taking her would be so easy. All he had to do was go back inside. Summer would forgive him anything for even a scrap of affection.
His fingers curled against the wall as his body shook with the effort of staying where he was. He sucked in a breath, holding it to the count of three. He exhaled, followed by another breath, another count.
The rushing in his ears slowly faded.
The vibration of his phone sounded loud in the silence. He dragged it out, finding Hayes’s message.
‘Don’t be an asshole. Get back in there.’
Ramiro clenched his teeth. ‘You watch Summer?’ That he did caused Ramiro’s blood to boil. He was going to have to teach the voyeur a lesson. He—
‘GO BACK INSIDE. NOW.’
The all caps shouting from Hayes cut through the anger in Ramiro’s head. Hayes never shouted like that. Hayes’s next text took away his air .
‘I’ve never seen her cry this hard.’
Summer was crying, and Ramiro wasn’t there.
He really was an asshole.
As soon as he opened the door, her sobs were all he could hear. He nearly tripped over her when he raced to her room. Summer was no longer on the bed. She was curled into a ball on the carpet, and the way her sobs hitched in her throat twisted his stomach.
Ramiro scooped her up, tucking her into his body as he settled them back on the bed, wishing he’d done that all along.
Hadn’t he always promised to take care of her? He’d failed at that.
He remembered all the times she’d cried over the years. Would she have cried half as much if he’d stuck by her side and let her love him, just as she’d always wanted?
“It’s okay, baby girl. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
This time, maybe it wouldn’t become a false promise. He’d only ever given her pieces of himself, too scared she’d break if he gave her everything. What he’d allowed her to have had never been enough. She’d broken anyway.
If she would break either way, why shouldn’t he have her?
Even pressed up against his chest, Summer wasn’t quieting this time. If anything, her sobs grew louder.
“I’m sorry,” he said into her hair, closing his eyes when she just cried harder. “You’re not toxic at all. I’m the one who’s toxic. ”
“N-no,” she protested, the word barely escaping her lips. “My… fault.”
She was always doing that. Blaming herself when she’d done nothing wrong. Arguing would be pointless, though. Once she took on the blame, it was almost impossible to ease the guilt she carried.
The way he’d run had already added one more scar to her heart. How many scars existed because he was trying to save her from herself? He’d still been treating her like a child, someone incapable of knowing her own heart.
Summer’s heart had always been full of him. She loved him, and she’d finally told him. He’d known. For years, he had known. So when she’d said the words, they’d felt like something he’d already heard, but he hadn’t.
She’d said she loved him, and he’d called her toxic.
The lash of guilt dragged out his own pained groan. He pulled her in tighter, wishing he could go back in time.
“I love you, Summer. I love you so fucking much.”
Her body stilled as she choked off the next sob. She reared back, the top of her head smacking into his chin. She stared at him with drenched and swollen eyes. Another sob escaped, her lips trembling.
“What?” she choked out.
He used his thumbs to catch her tears, brushing back the hair matted to her damp cheek. “Say it again.”
She stared at him, her eyes too red to look hopeful or loving. She looked exhausted, broken. He’d done that to her .
“I’m sorry, baby girl. I promise to get it right this time. Tell me how you feel about me again.”
More tears welled out of her eyes. Her nose was stuffed with them, making her voice croak as she obeyed. “I love you. I’ll only ever love you.”
Ramiro kissed her trembling lips. “I love you, too. So much. I have for a long time.”
Her lips still didn’t move against his when he kissed her a second time. She stared at him so blankly that his heart stuttered in his chest and he lifted his head away.
The painful sobs of hers that ripped out his chest had stopped, but tears still fell from her eyes. She squeezed them shut, shaking her head. “Stop it. D-don’t lie to make me feel b-better.”
He gathered her into his arms again, rocking her body as she rested against him. “When have I ever lied to you?”
“Never.” Her breath hitched, a sob bursting out, muffled by his chest. “S-so when you said my love was toxic”—she swallowed—“you meant it.” Her fingers dug into his shirt, another sob breaking through, followed by the next.
Fuck. He was only making things worse.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“It’s okay,” she broke in. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? Don’t tell me you’re sorry for loving me. I’m not sure I can handle that.”
She stilled against him .
“I’m not a good man. That’s why this is toxic. You shouldn’t love someone like me, Summer.”
“You’re the only one I can love,” she whispered.
She felt so breakable in his arms. “I’m moving you in with me. No arguments this time.”
The tension left her body, and she melted into him.
“I’m going to take care of you,” Ramiro promised. “You and your baby.”
He still wasn’t a good man, but he’d never hurt her. Ramiro wasn’t like his father. He was much more like his mother. His entire world narrowed down to the woman in his arms from the moment he’d met her, and there was no use fighting it. Summer was all that mattered.
Which made the thought of her keeping the baby more terrifying. Besides not liking kids, he doubted his heart would make room for anyone besides Summer, even for her baby.
She hadn’t decided to keep it yet. All he could do was take care of her for as long as she let him.
Her breathing slowed and deepened. He’d never get tired of holding her while she slept.
Eventually, when he held her like that, her bloated stomach would be between them.
Nerves skittered along his skin at the thought, and he breathed through it, resting against the headboard and closing his eyes. Summer had the right idea. The best solution to this drained feeling was to rest .
Then he could relive one of his most treasured moments—waking up with her in his arms.