15. Chapter 14
Chapter 14
S ummer almost didn’t make it to the hall bathroom in time. She managed to flush the toilet after, sitting still as her stomach continued to twist. The tiles in Ramiro’s bathroom were chillier than hers had been. A small nightlight plugged in near the sink kept the bathroom from being pitch-black. As she lay down on the floor, the world felt so far away.
She wasn’t dizzy like the night before, but the cool tile against her cheek was soothing. She spread her arms out, letting them absorb the chill as well. Her frantic pulse slowed the longer she lay there, her nausea fading.
If Ramiro found her like that, he’d likely freak out again. She daydreamed about that happening. She wanted her morning sickness to disturb his sleep so he’d take care of her again. If she got dizzy enough, he might even hold her. He couldn’t resist her when she needed him.
Her stomach twisted at the thought. She was so pathetic.
Dragging herself up, she made her way to the sink, splashing water on her face. She brushed her teeth as well, spitting out the mint foam before it made her gag again.
The hallway outside the bathroom remained dark. Her morning sickness kept visiting before the sun rose, but there was no way she was going back to that guest room to try to sleep more. She hated that room so much.
Down the hall, Ramiro’s bedroom door stood open. It would be so easy to slip into his bed. Ramiro wouldn’t make her go away. He’d hold her. His arms around her would feel so good. She might even fall asleep again.
All it would take would be putting her needs above his own. Summer had always expected too much of him. She wanted him to be everything—her best friend, her family, and the man who loved her. As perfect as Ramiro was, he was just a man.
And she was just a burden.
Her feet carried her away from the bedrooms.
Summer had always wanted to live in Ramiro’s house, but she didn’t truly belong there. Her hand hovered over her stomach. She couldn’t imagine a child in this place either.
She forced her hand to drop. That was fine. She’d just get rid of it. It wasn’t Ramiro’s baby, anyway.
Would she want to keep it if it was? Her breath left her at the thought. Having a piece of Ramiro growing inside of her would be amazing. Even though he didn’t want children, they’d be forever tied in a way that would never break .
Of course, the baby would still have someone like her as a mother. Her eyes burned. No. She’d already done too much crying.
Summer looked through the doorway to Ramiro’s home office. Dark shapes were scattered everywhere in the room. Her hand found the light switch, and the disaster she’d seen before greeted her. This time, the discarded plates and mugs made her nose wrinkle. There wasn’t any smell, but imagining it made nausea swirl again.
There was a fluttering in her chest as well, though. All she’d been doing was taking from him lately. Here was a way she could give back. Ramiro loved how organized she kept the business office.
She stood straighter as she surveyed what needed to be done. She’d been thinking only about herself for too long. It was time to redirect her efforts to something better.
Summer smiled as she got to work.
R amiro normally wore nothing to bed. The pajama pants he’d found covered him well enough but felt ridiculous. He showered and changed into dress slacks and a button-down shirt, already grumpy because he hadn’t gotten any coffee in his system or seen Summer. The house was quiet, as if she wasn’t even there. He didn’t like it .
The sound of water in the kitchen had him walking faster. He took a full breath once she was in sight. He leaned on the edge of the kitchen island, soaking her in.
Summer was barefoot and humming in his kitchen. The sight wasn’t one he’d dreamed of, but now he wondered why when the scene looked so perfect. She still wore rumpled pajamas, and the smiling sunflower print made his lips twitch.
The tension in her body had faded more today. She wasn’t humming any music, just random cheerful noises, the ones he caught often in the office when she was doing her secretary thing.
She loaded the last dish into the dishwasher, using her hip to push it in so the latch clicked. He couldn’t resist her and drew closer, his arms snaking around her in a hug. She jumped against him, clipping her head on his chin, and he chuckled into her hair.
“Good morning,” he said, his voice husky, but not with sleep. He kept his hips from pressing against her. His arms hadn’t circled her waist. She was such a short thing. His arms fit under her soft breasts instead. If his fingers spread, he’d graze the top of her stomach.
The stomach where another man’s baby grew.
The thought chased away the contentment he’d been feeling. Her head tilted back on his chest and her hands settled over his. She made that happy hum again, and his chest squeezed tight.
“Morning!” she said, her voice the chipper secretary greeting he was used to. “The coffee is ready. I’ll pour you a cup.” She tried to straighten away from him, but he tugged her back, nuzzling her hair.
“Just a minute,” he murmured. She felt so good in his arms. She’d told him she loved him, and he’d confessed the same. That meant he was allowed to hold her like this.
So why did she still feel so far away? Her fingers even trembled against his.
Ramiro released her, watching her move over to the coffee maker. Her movements were exact as she poured him coffee, adding just the right amount of cream. The sight reminded him of being in the office with her, where he had her close, but not as close as he craved.
“I love you, Summer.”
Her hand faltered, cream spilling on the counter. She clutched at the counter, and he frowned, wishing he could see her face.
The rushing of the dishwasher drew his gaze. They hadn’t used enough dishes with the pizza for a whole load.
She moved to grab a sponge, cleaning up her spill. He noticed the dark smudges under her eyes.
Turning on his heel, he stalked toward his home office. It was as clean as it had been only once before, when he’d first moved in. All the used dishes and take-out containers were gone. No trash cluttered the space. The office was pristine and perfect.
And it wasn’t even eight a.m.
“You shouldn’t have let it get so bad,” Summer scolded from behind him.
When he turned, she held out his coffee. He took it, putting it on the desk without drinking any.
Exhaustion pulled at her eyes, paired with a strained smile. “I know you need to work. I’ll just—” Her words ended with a squeal when he grabbed her up in his arms.
“Did you sleep at all?” he asked.
“I’m fine, Ram. I wanted to do this.”
She didn’t look fine. Biting back the words he wanted to say, he kissed her forehead, forcing his gaze to take in the room one more time.
“It’s perfect. You’re amazing, Summer. This is amazing.”
Her smile eased into one that looked genuine as she soaked in his words, but the dark circles beneath her eyes wouldn’t go away with a compliment.
“Thank you for taking care of this. I didn’t expect it, though. You don’t work for me here. This is your home.”
Her smile fell away. “I wanted to do this.”
“And I appreciate it. It really is a wonderful gift.” He scanned the room again, seeing the piece of Summer that it’d become. “But there’s no way you cleaned up this pigsty in a couple of hours. How long have you been awake?”
Her lips pressed together as she stared at the buttons on his shirt.
He remembered her waking up in the middle of the night, the way she’d looked sprawled on the bathroom floor, and his heart thudded into his stomach. “Did you wake up nauseous?”
She stiffened. “It’s just morning sickness. I can handle it. ”
He didn’t want her to handle it. The idea that she’d passed out again, and he hadn’t been there, made him want to kick his own ass. “I should have been there.”
She bit her lip, her eyes squeezing shut.
“I could have held your hair back for you like I did before. Tell me you wanted that.”
She sighed, trying to hide her face in his chest. “I do want that, but it’s not fair to you. This isn’t your baby.”
Ramiro hated hearing her say it. She was his. The baby should have been his.
Not that he wanted a baby at all. He only wanted to take care of Summer, and even her voice sounded tired.
“You’re taking a nap,” he decided, carrying her out of his office.
As he approached her room, she grew stiffer in his arms. When he strode right past, she let out a soft gasp against his chest, and her tension faded away.
He’d needed her to choose him, needed her to voice her desire, but that wasn’t what was best for her. Summer never asked for what she wanted. He should have remembered that.
His bedroom was dark, the curtains blocking out the morning sun. Instead of setting her on the bed, he lay down with her still clutched against him.
“You don’t have to stay with me,” Summer said even while she clutched his shirt.
His hands soothed over her back. “Stop fighting it, baby girl. Sleep. I’ve got you. ”
It took long minutes of gentle massages for her clutching fingers to relax. He didn’t stop even after her breathing evened out. Summer was there in his arms, and he decided to let himself enjoy it, whether it was good for her or not.