17. Chapter 16
Chapter 16
S ummer woke up in the middle of the night, just making it to the bathroom in time to hug the toilet. This time, Ramiro was with her, holding her hair back. The soothing slide of his hand rubbing her back calmed her.
Unlike the morning before, Ramiro bullied her back into bed. With his body spooned around her and his arms curled over her stomach, Summer fell back to sleep almost too easily.
It was Monday—a workday. She’d normally be up and in the office early, making sure everything was just so and waiting with a coffee, the way Ramiro liked it, in her hand. Instead, she stretched awake in Ramiro’s arms well after it was time to leave.
“We could have gone in like usual,” she said, nerves churning in her stomach, or maybe that was the return of her morning sickness. She breathed through it .
“I’m right where I want to be,” Ramiro murmured in her ear. He had his husky, sleepy voice, one she so rarely got to hear. She loved it even as she squirmed inside.
All the sweet moments were adding up. Bringing her to his home, having her stuff brought over to make it more hers, the way he’d touched her last night, taking care of her through her morning sickness, and now continuing to hold her and whisper sweet things in her ear—all these things should have soothed her anxiety, but instead, it was doing the opposite.
He gave and gave, but she still felt so empty.
Summer slipped out of his arms, feeling them tighten for a moment before letting her go.
A quick trip to the bathroom, and then she was hurrying toward the kitchen. Coffee. She could do that the same. He loved the way she made his coffee. She’d studied what he liked to get it exactly right.
Ramiro already stood in front of the counter with a cup in his hand.
Summer stared at that cup, hating it.
The single brew machine was chugging along, clear liquid flowing into a mug with the string of a tea bag folded over.
“I had the boys pick up some decaf tea for you,” Ramiro said, making everything worse. He’d planned ahead. He’d been thinking of her while she had been trapped inside her selfish worries yesterday .
Her fingers dug into her sleep shorts. “I can go to my appointment alone.” She cringed at the way her voice sounded—snappish with an undertone of annoyance.
She was annoyed. Why did he have to be so perfect all the time?
Ramiro lifted an eyebrow. “You know that’s not happening.”
“You don’t like babies, Ram.” She needed to stop, but the words kept pushing free. “There’s no reason for you to go to my doctor’s appointment. It’s my problem, not yours.”
Ramiro set his cup down while her heart raced in her chest. He took a step toward her, crowding her against the island, his arms caging her in on either side.
The kiss he placed on top of her head made her eyes water. Damn him.
“Where you go, I go, baby girl.”
She shook her head, but her hands wrapped around him, tugging him closer. “You don’t know what you’re doing.” The words were muffled by his chest.
“What am I doing?”
She rubbed against his chest hair with a sigh, liking the way it tickled her cheek. “Making me feel so safe and cared for.”
He let out a soft hum. “I thought that’s what I always do.”
She leaned back, looking up at him. “It is. It’s just, I already love you so much. If—” She broke off, trying to pull away.
Ramiro’s hands kept her right where she was. “If?”
She swallowed again, meeting his eyes. “If you keep treating me this way, I’ll cling and cling. I’ll never let go. ”
He leaned down, giving her a swift, hard kiss. “Good,” he said, the word brushing over her lips.
Summer’s throat felt too tight to say anything else.
Ramiro released her and turned her toward the hallway with a small pat on her ass that sent tingles through her body. “Now, go get dressed. The tea will need time to cool.”
Her feet moved. At the hallway, she looked back. He was big and strong and masculine and confident and everything she’d always wanted.
“It’s not good, Ram,” she choked out. “What if I decide to keep the baby?”
His lips tightened, but she didn’t wait for him to say anything. There wasn’t really anything to say.
Her hand curled into a fist, not moving toward her belly at all as she collected what she would need for a shower. There was no way she was going to a pregnancy appointment while still feeling the way he’d made her fall apart the night before between her legs.
R amiro sat in the too small chairs in the waiting room and fidgeted. He didn’t normally fidget, but all around him were women at different stages of pregnancy.
When he’d told the nurse he wanted to go in with her, Summer had told him he didn’t have to, but she was wrong. He had to hear every part of what to expect. That would make it seem more real.
He hadn’t forgotten, even before her words in the kitchen. He’d been there for her while she struggled with her morning sickness just hours before. Still, there was a difference between taking care of Summer and thinking about a baby growing inside of her belly.
His mind couldn’t quite wrap around that.
The nurse who had taken Summer back poked her head out of a door. “We’re ready for you.”
Ramiro felt out of place following her. He was too big and overdressed compared to most of the women in maternity clothing or nurses in scrubs. The hallways barely fit him. The room wasn’t much better, but the way Summer relaxed when she saw him made it all worth it.
He dragged the chair near the platform she sat on.
“The doctor should be in again shortly,” the nurse said, slipping back out.
Ramiro stroked the back of Summer’s hand where it clutched the edge of the platform wrapped in paper. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
He wasn’t reassured. She’d tell him the same thing, whether she was or not.
The doctor didn’t make them wait long. It was a woman with a messy ponytail who looked like she never slept by the bags under her eyes. Her smile was warm, if small .
“I’m Dr. Balanky,” she greeted Ramiro, but her eyes were on Summer. “Hello again.”
Summer gave a tight nod.
The doctor’s small smile faded. “As I was telling Summer, the tests confirmed the pregnancy.”
“Oh,” Summer said, her eyes dropping to stare at her knees.
Dr. Balanky studied her. At least she didn’t say congratulations. “You mentioned you weren’t sure whether you wanted to keep the baby,” the doctor said.
Ramiro could feel the doctor’s eyes shift to him, but he stared at Summer’s bowed head. He should have been relieved. He wasn’t. “You told her that?” he murmured.
“I—” Summer swallowed, continuing to stare at her knees. “It’s the truth,” she mumbled.
Ramiro’s chest squeezed.
“You weren’t sure about the date of your last period and mentioned it could have been more than a month ago?”
Summer still didn’t raise her eyes. “I’m not very regular. I didn’t notice at first.”
“That’s fine,” the doctor said, her tone reassuring. “There are ways to estimate how far along you are. I’d like to recommend a dating ultrasound.”
“Ultrasound?” Ramiro asked. “I read that those happen during the second visit.” He’d researched on his phone while Summer slept in that morning. The vast number of sites that popped up when researching pregnancy was ridiculous, but most had similar information .
He expected Hayes to rag him about his search history later.
Dr. Balanky smiled at him this time. “I see the future dad has been studying.”
“He’s not the father,” Summer said, the words swift and brutal.
Brutal? She was only telling the doctor the truth.
“He’s just… a friend,” Summer finished, pulling her hand out from under his to rest it on her thigh.
The doctor cleared her throat. “Well, it’s true that ultrasounds are usually performed around the eleven-week mark, but a dating ultrasound can be recommended when the due date is uncertain. Is that something you’d like?”
Summer’s fingers dug into her thigh. “I’m not sure.”
“Knowing how far along you are will help you determine how much time you have to make a decision,” Dr. Balanky said gently.
“Okay,” Summer said, the word barely louder than an exhaled breath.
“Just to set expectations a little, if you’re not very far along, the ultrasound might not be very clear. It’s perfectly normal not to hear a heartbeat this early. That’s more likely when you’re around ten to twelve weeks, though not impossible earlier. If you don’t hear it, that doesn’t mean anything is wrong.”
Summer nodded. She looked way too remote. It was as if she wasn’t even in the room. Ramiro wanted to grab her hand again and squeeze it, but he didn’t .
“Before I send in the sonographer, do you have any questions for me?” the doctor asked.
“Will I have to get undressed again?” Summer asked.
Dr. Balanky shook her head. “They can do it with your normal clothes on, with a little rearranging. I know those paper robes can be drafty.” She waited, but Summer didn’t ask anything else.
Ramiro cleared his throat. “Did she mention passing out on the bathroom floor a few days ago?”
Summer tensed.
“No,” the doctor said, studying Summer for a beat before looking at him. “That can be scary, but it isn’t uncommon. Lightheadedness can occur in the early stages of pregnancy and is usually a sign of low blood pressure. Her blood pressure looked great today. Did it only occur once?”
“Twice,” Summer murmured. “It’s what made me take the test, after I searched online.”
She’d mentioned it had happened before, but the thought of her passed out on the bathroom floor without him there made Ramiro’s insides crawl all over again.
“Well, it’s good to monitor it, and if feeling dizzy, find a way to sit, even if it’s on the ground. The feeling should pass, but if it persists, we can do some additional tests.”
“Is there anything we can do to help with the morning sickness?” Ramiro asked. “The things I read online mentioned medicine? ”
“It’s not that bad,” Summer said. The way her fingers dug into her thigh looked painful.
Ramiro grabbed her hand, enveloping it in his. Her skin felt cold.
“Every pregnancy is a little different. Morning sickness can occur only in the first trimester or linger throughout the pregnancy. If you end up finding it difficult, some people have luck with medication, but that’s for extreme cases, where the sickness is constant. Is that what you’re experiencing?”
“No,” Summer murmured.
The doctor waited a beat, then continued when no other words followed. “Well, I recommend eating a banana in the morning, since the potassium can help. There’s also saltines and dry toast. It’s always better to have something in your stomach, even something light, over nothing at all.”
Ramiro hadn’t seen bananas show up in his research. He’d have some delivered.
“Anything else I can help answer?” the doctor asked, but in a gentle way, not in an I’m-in-a-hurry type of way.
Ramiro’s head spun, but he couldn’t think of anything specific to ask. He’d need to look more up himself first.
Summer continued to remain quiet.
“Well, there are a few apps you can use once you know what week you’re in, for keeping up with general milestones. A lot of them compare the baby’s size to fruit, to help you picture how big the baby’s getting. Now, let me get the sonographer in to complete the ultrasound. She’ll also let you know the date.” The doctor paused, studying Summer again. “It was a pleasure to meet you.” Then she slipped out of the room.
Ramiro rubbed his thumb over the back of Summer’s hand.
She pulled away. “I’m fine,” she said.
He believed it even less.