Chapter 24
ELODIE
“It wasn’t the best morning,” I relay to Savannah and Sutton as I peruse my old apartment to survey the work that has been done. A distraction from me reeling for the past two hours. I’ve noticed that I subconsciously keep saying “old” apartment as if it were part of the past.
“At least you have a new ceiling,” Sutton highlights, and we all stare up at the pristine white paint that makes it appear like nothing ever happened. The extra support from my friend has been a bonus since she started working at the office the other week.
I’m heading into the office in an hour, and Savannah was waiting here for me on the sidewalk when I arrived, complete with coffee in hand. Sutton followed a minute later. Updating them on what happened with Hayes, they didn’t say anything, only nodded and hummed.
I appraise the work that the contractor has done, and the place now looks new, or just foreign. Sure, there are still the personal touches I made, and Lola’s toys have been pushed to one corner. Not that it matters, she has an entire toy store at Hayes’s.
“Time to chat,” Savannah encourages by touching my arm and guiding our steps to the couch in the living room.
Plopping down next to her, I sigh. Sutton sits on the floor, resting against the coffee table with her coffee, keen and ready to listen.
“It’s a misunderstanding,” she says bluntly, and it causes Savannah to gawk at Sutton.
Savannah smiles at me, supportive yet nervous. “What she is trying to say is that it is a serious matter. If Hayes truly means it is a misunderstanding, then perhaps you really need to consider it.”
“Even lawyers screw up. The guy probably just lost one of his major clients, and potentially his track to partner, which will make his wife unhappy, but humans screw up,” Sutton, the lawyer herself, points out.
“Boyfriends screw up, too,” I deadpan.
“Are you sure you really want me to send a list of lawyers that might help you? I mean, I have a friend from college who handles custody cases here in the city, but it’s a route that you need to be ready for,” Suttons asks.
I asked her because my headspace has been pulled in too many directions. “I need to be prepared for worst-case scenarios. He once mentioned 50/50 custody. I can’t even imagine having Lola only half of the time.”
Sutton shifts to get more comfortable in her position.
“Look, I don’t want to play the legal card right now, or sound like the worst friend ever, but you can’t be mad at him, as he actually has every legal right to ask for a custody agreement if he really wanted to.
You’re not married to each other, and even perfectly content parents still have one.
I understand how scary it can be and how it can cause an array of emotions.
That’s why it is really important for me to tell you that you don’t need to worry.
It can be a normal step. But I also know BS, how else would I deal with my profession?
With full confidence, I can say that all indications from what I’ve seen or heard about Hayes is that he honestly has no intention of doing anything other than to make you his wife one day. ”
“Totally agree,” Savannah says, adamant.
My eyes travel between them and bring my hand to my heart, my pulse to my palm. “In a split second, it’s like I had a heart attack. The very idea that Lola would get taken away from me just unleashed me.”
“Um, not sure it’s really that.” Sutton winces.
Savannah glares at her again. “Really, don’t want to soft land her into this?”
Sutton rolls her eyes. “We don’t have time for that.” She turns to me. “Either you feel you don’t know him enough to trust he won’t hurt you—”
“Or you do,” Savannah adds, “but confrontation about a permanent future scares the hell out of you because you believe it’s going to happen with him.”
“Can’t a girl just be angry?” I complain.
“For sure, but this isn’t an angry he left a dish in the sink kind of issue,” Sutton reminds me.
I huff out a big breath. "The only thing he has continued to do is show me how much he wants Lola and me. It's just, gosh, why did I have to get that email?” I shrug my shoulders in exasperation. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Give it a day. Decompress. Talk to him when you’re calm,” Savannah advises, shaking her cup to gauge how much coffee is left.
Sutton brightens. “Ooh, go back to Everhope this weekend. There’s a donut festival—a perfect escape from the city.”
“Great. Carbs and misery,” I say, sarcastic.
“And your alternative would be?” Her challenge drags on.
She has a point.
The knock on the door, with the sound of my building's super, prompts me to call out that he can come in.
“Sorry to interrupt.” He’s already talking before he rounds the corner to my living room, and once in view, his smiling face and large frame greet us. “I won’t be long. Just wanted to check if the work is up to standard or if I need to call the contractor back.”
“It’s all fine. Wouldn’t realize at all that there was water damage.”
“They were very careful to ensure everything dried out so that mold couldn’t form.”
Savannah and Sutton contort their faces from the image of it.
“Appreciated.”
“The leasing office also wanted to know if you’ve reviewed the lease renewal? There’s new language about building liability after the incident.”
A long exhale leaves me. “Not yet. I’ve been a bit… occupied.”
“Alright, well, have a nice day, and let me know if you need any help moving anything back in.” He happily bids us a good day and leaves.
I feel my friends' eyes heavy on me.
“Uh-oh, that was just added to your mountain of current life choices,” Sutton taunts in a loving way.
I rub my forehead, already exhausted, and I haven’t even made it to the office yet.
Savannah affectionately touches my shoulder. “You’ve already made the choices, you just need to safely wallow in them before admitting it.”
The problem is that my brain and heart are so fogged up right now that I’m not sure I’m even wallowing.
I’m curious as to how long Hayes has been staring out his office window to the sky with flurries of snow, hands in pockets, deep in thought.
“I think your work avoidance is my fault,” I announce from the door.
He glances briefly over his shoulder at me. “I'm not sure it's a good sign when you drop by my office. You are a fan of office boundaries.”
Slowly, I close the door and step into his office. “Boundaries, rules, laws—does it matter? You make your own.”
He turns around, and his gaze is sharp, going straight through me. “It was an error from the lawyer,” he repeats with insistence. “When I first found out about Lola, it’s what any smart man would consider.”
I sigh heavily. “Fair enough. But those documents are a little reminder that you can dangle taking custody over my head like a fucking carrot.”
“And one could argue that you’re with me only so that I don’t use the fucking carrot,” he seethes, clearly hurt from my words.
I cross my arms to keep my body in check; he might see how much I hurt right now. I’m doing my best to stay firmly in place because I’m not weak.
He pinches the bridge of his nose out of frustration for his turn of mood, and with one sigh, he returns to somberness. “I wouldn’t. Deep down, you believe it, too. We’re past that stuff. Now it’s you and me, on the same road together.”
I run my tongue along my teeth to give me a second.
A little more cooling down is still needed.
“Anyhow, I just wanted to say or ask, considering that’s how joint custody would work,” I mock, “I want to take Lola to Everhope. My parents have seen her less than normal since they’ve been giving us time to let us three bond, fall in love, all that jazz,” I say dryly.
“Do I have your permission?” Now, I’m plain flippant.
He rolls his eyes. “You never need permission when it’s about her family. Your parents will love seeing her.”
“Good. We’ll be back sometime later in the weekend.”
“Sure.” He lifts his shoulders.
My eyes squint because I’m skeptical as to why he is so calm. “That’s it?”
“Should I be doing something else? I’ve explained what happened.
I’ve said sorry. I’ve made it clear already for a long time what I want.
You don’t need to worry about the document.
And I love you,” he says. “That means the ball is in your court, and if you need a little space, then fine. I’m not a fan of that approach, but it’s what I’ll do for you…
only you.” He taps his fingers on his perfectly clean desk.
It makes me angrier that he is remaining calm throughout the last five minutes, and he hasn’t even once touched me.
I miss his touch. It feels cold between us without it.
Maybe I was expecting him to rush and try to persuade me to forgive him this very instant.
I’m not used to Hayes being the one with patience.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “I just need time. Do you know what it feels like to run through every scenario for two years, and then you get the one you want only for a flicker of the bad? Because that's what this is.”
He doesn't respond.
For a moment, our eyes catch and linger. It’s not even tense; it’s somber, yet hope is laced somewhere in it.
Sighing, I straighten my shoulders and turn to leave.
“Drive safe,” he calls out softly.
“Will do.”
That was that.
Why do I feel disappointed? Is it the situation, or Hayes respecting space and not lunging forward to hold me in his arms and tell me it will all be alright?
Deep down, I know the answer.