Chapter 14
The pleasant but loud hum of conversation at Boqueria means that Inspector Anton Lundgren can hardly hear what the waiter is saying as he pours the full-bodied Rioja they have just ordered.
The restaurant is full, and behind the wide counter, the bartender is mixing colorful cocktails just as fast as she can.
Carl, Anton’s boyfriend of nine months, is sitting opposite him. Over the past year he has allowed his blond hair to grow out. When they first met it was cropped short, but the new style suits him better.
They have spent a wonderful day on the slopes, skiing off-piste at the back of Skutan. It is one of their main shared interests; they are both experienced skiers with season passes.
“Sk?l,” Anton says, raising his glass. “Here’s to a wonderful evening.”
The waiter returns with a generous sharing platter of olives, charcuterie, Manchego cheese, and fresh bread.
“Here’s to us,” Carl responds, reaching over to cover Anton’s hand with his.
The tender gesture makes Anton freeze immediately.
He simply can’t help it, but he forces himself not to pull away as Carl squeezes his fingers.
He really doesn’t want to worry about them being spotted, about someone noticing the evidence that they are more than friends, but he finds it incredibly difficult to relax.
What if someone he knows sees them?
Not even his parents, his sister, or his closest colleagues—Daniel, Hanna, and Raffe—know about Carl.
At the same time, he doesn’t want Carl to pick up on how uncomfortable he is.
“This looks delicious,” Anton says. “I’m starving!”
He frees his hand and pushes the platter toward his boyfriend. “You’d better help yourself before I eat the lot!” he says with an awkward smile, hating himself. Carl is the most important person in his life. They love each other.
“Take the best bit,” he adds, pointing to the Serrano ham as if that might compensate for his cowardice.
He hopes that Carl isn’t aware of what he is doing, but he can see that little frown between the blond eyebrows.
The same frown that appears whenever Anton refuses to hold hands with Carl in the street, or pulls away when Carl hugs him in public.
The last thing Anton wants to do is ruin their evening.
And yet it is so hard to stand up for who he is.