Chapter 64
Hanna’s phone rings as she is hanging up her padded jacket in the hallway. She answers without checking to see who it is.
And realizes her mistake as soon as she hears the voice of her mother, Ulla.
It is no coincidence that there are long gaps between their conversations, because almost every single time they speak, Hanna ends up feeling unwanted and like a failure. Her mother has made her feel that way ever since she can remember.
“Hi, Hanna!” Ulla says with unusual enthusiasm.
Hanna is immediately suspicious. What’s this about?
“Why didn’t you tell me and your father about your new boyfriend? I want to hear every detail! Did you really fly in a private plane?”
Not her as well.
Hanna has barely gotten over the shock from the conversation with the journalist who called earlier. It is only twelve hours since the article was published, but the whole world seems to be interested in her relationship with Henry.
Including her parents, who moved to Spain’s Costa del Sol years ago and spend most of their time drinking rosé and enjoying long lunches with other expat Swedes. While bad-mouthing the Swedish tax system and the terrible climate.
“It’s all pretty new,” Hanna mumbles. “I haven’t gotten around to it.”
She kicks off her boots, goes into the kitchen, and sinks down at the table. How can she end this conversation? The last thing she wants is to discuss Henry with her mother.
“When do we get to meet him? Surely the two of you can hop on board that private plane and come down for a visit?”
Ulla’s voice is positively fizzing with joy.
Hanna shouldn’t be surprised—no one is as keen on knowing the right people and moving in the right circles.
Her mother’s greatest talent is name-dropping.
For years she has complained about Hanna’s choice of profession, constantly comparing her with her successful sister, Lydia, who is a partner in a prestigious law firm and is married to an equally successful man who works for a venture capital company.
Ulla has never approved of Hanna’s life choices. And when Christian finished with Hanna, her mother took his side. She also carried on seeing him and his new girlfriend, Valérie, even though he was the one who cheated on Hanna and dumped her in the most brutal way.
Nor did she hesitate to point out to her daughter that she was running out of time to find a new partner, as she was fast approaching forty and—terrible thought—menopause.
Hanna has just turned thirty-seven.
The constant reminders that it will soon be too late to have children hit Hanna right in the solar plexus. Her mother was never there for her, the late arrival who was neither planned nor wanted. She didn’t even step up when Hanna was the victim of a sexual assault in Barcelona.
Hanna still remembers sitting on the edge of the bed, shaking, when she called home to tell her parents about the rape. About the hands roaming all over her body, the weight of her boss when he forced himself on her.
She has never felt so alone as she did when she realized that her mom and dad had no intention of coming to help her.
Instead it was Lydia who flew down and brought her home, Lydia who held her when she had terrible nightmares.
Lydia who arranged treatment and therapy, and promised that everything would be okay.
While her mother was ashamed and refused to discuss the matter. It was too embarrassing, too stressful.
But today Ulla is thrilled, of course. A well-known financier is joining the family—this will raise her status among her circle of acquaintances!
Hanna stares down at the table and wishes Morris were here. She could do with feeling his soft nose against her cheek.
“I knew you’d sort your life out eventually,” Ulla chirrups in her ear. “It’s fantastic that you’ve managed to catch Henry Sylvester. A man like that could have anyone he wants!”
It shouldn’t hurt, but it does. The fact that her mother is openly astonished that Hanna, the family’s ugly duckling, has somehow snared a man like Henry.
Didn’t that journalist say something along the same lines? She said that Hanna and Henry were an unusual couple.
Is she really so nondescript that no one can understand why they’re together?
“I have to go,” she says wearily. “I’ll speak to you some other time.”
She ends the call before her mother can say another word.
She swallows hard several times, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. Why does this affect her so much? She has already cried way too often because of things her mother has said over the years.
She can’t allow her self-image to stand and fall by her mother’s love. She is an adult; she ought to know better. Her mother will never treat her the same as Lydia, who has always been her favorite.
She probably doesn’t even realize it herself. Ulla is simply incapable of loving the child she never wanted.
It is what it is.
But the lump in Hanna’s throat won’t go away.