Chapter 58
Ida can’t help feeling guilty. It is the Thursday before Easter. She is home alone with Alice. Daniel went off to the station first thing this morning, before she woke up.
She is sitting on the floor in the living room, playing with her daughter and doing her best to concentrate, but her thoughts are all over the place. Distractedly she moves the brightly colored bricks—Alice wants her to stack them up so she can knock them down.
Ida is thinking about Gustav. About yesterday’s skiing, and the feeling of being free, of not being tied down. Like in her old life.
But back then she wasn’t Alice’s mom.
Ida shakes her head. How can she even think like this? She loves her daughter more than anything in the world, and yet she keeps on remembering the two of them sitting outside Timmerstugan. The tingle she felt when Gustav took her hand and gently stroked the palm.
“Stop!” she exclaims.
Alice looks at her in surprise, and her blue eyes fill with tears. Ida hadn’t realized she’d shouted. Or sounded so angry.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” she says quickly. “Mommy didn’t mean it.”
She stacks four bricks on top of one another so that Alice can knock them down, which immediately makes the little girl feel better.
The sun is streaming in through the south-facing window. If Ida cranes her neck, she can see Lake ?re. Several cross-country skiers are moving smoothly over the ice, and farther away she can just make out a couple of snow scooters that seem to be heading for Duved.
It must be wonderful up on Skutan today. It snowed overnight, several inches of powder just lying there waiting.
The sensation from yesterday when she sped down the slope still lingers in her body. She would do anything to be there again.
No, she tells herself firmly. This has to stop. It isn’t fair on either Alice or Daniel.
But she does need to get out into the fresh air; sitting indoors is driving her crazy. It is quite a project to get Alice into her snowsuit and haul out the stroller, but it will be worth it.
She is just about to get up when her phone buzzes.
A message from Gustav.
Ida’s pulse rate shoots up. She feels as if her blood is fizzing when she reads what he has written.
Thanks for yesterday. Fancy a coffee sometime?