Chapter 77
Anton is in the men’s toilets staring at his own reflection in the mirror. He feels so stupid for having contacted Carl. First of all it took him forever to gather the strength even to make the call. Then . . . nothing. It went straight to voicemail, and instead of leaving a message, he hung up.
His courage failed when it came to the crunch. He’s going to have to look elsewhere for information on Bengt Hedin.
It is so frustrating. He splashes his face with cold water and shakes his head. There is no point in daring to dream. He ought to know better.
He switches off the light and closes the door. The corridor is silent and deserted. Raffe went home to Nilla a while ago, and Hanna and Daniel aren’t back from Storlien yet.
As he walks into his office, his phone rings. The name on the display makes his heart flutter.
Carl.
He’s not sure if he can manage to press the symbol to accept the call. He had just come to terms with the decision not to make any further attempts to establish contact. Just hearing Carl’s voice on the answering service had made him go weak at the knees.
And at the same time, the feelings of shame came flooding back, the realization that he had thrown away their burgeoning relationship last year.
He has to answer.
“Anton.”
“Hi, it’s Carl—I think you called me?”
At first Anton is confused, he didn’t leave a message. Then he realizes that of course Carl can see he’s had a missed call.
And from whom.
He could blame it on a butt-dial. Or mumble something noncommittal and hang up.
Carl has moved on; Anton has seen it with his own eyes. He doesn’t need to torture himself like this.
“Was there something you wanted?” Carl wonders.
The warm voice unlocks something within Anton. Carl sounds exactly like he did when they were together, when they lay chatting in the double bed before they fell asleep.
All thoughts of ending the conversation disappear, as does the original excuse of wanting to ask about Bengt Hedin and his work for the council.
The truth is perfectly simple.
He wants to be with Carl.
“I was wondering if we could meet,” he says, his voice rough with emotion. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”