Chapter 124
Alice is asleep in Daniel’s arms as he carries her from the car to their apartment. They have been at Ida’s mom’s for a belated Easter dinner.
“Would you like a cup of tea?” Ida asks once Alice is settled in her cot.
She gives him a sad look which is impossible to interpret.
She has been quiet ever since he arrived home on Saturday, not at all her usual energetic self.
She is probably as exhausted as he is. He still has a great deal to process following the events in Storlien, and dinner with Elisabeth was an effort, however well meaning his mother-in-law might be.
The emotions from Saturday, the feeling of sheer despair as the hostage drama neared its conclusion, wash over him again. Those moments when he didn’t know whether Hanna would survive inside the gloomy hotel.
Ida is already on her way to the kitchen to make tea. Daniel would really like to go to bed, but if she wants them to sit up for a while, then he ought to do it for her sake. They hardly saw each other during Easter week, and he knows how that kind of thing can damage their relationship.
“Sure,” he says, following her.
Ida places two mugs on the table, then lights the candles while he fetches milk from the refrigerator.
“We need to talk,” she says when they are sitting down and she has poured the tea.
Daniel feels an overwhelming sense of weariness.
He knows what this is about. Ida has never liked his job.
Or rather, the way he allows himself to be swallowed up by his work when the situation is critical.
He has almost been waiting for her to kick off.
They have had this discussion frequently in the past; they have talked about her anxiety and her perception that she comes second.
Each time he has done his best to reassure her that she and Alice mean everything to him, whatever happens.
He is doing his best.
What more does she want from him?
Ida blows on her tea, both hands wrapped around her mug. She looks as if she is building up to something.
Daniel is beginning to wonder whether he has read her correctly when she comes out with it.
“I don’t know if I’m still in love with you.”
He stares at her, utterly confused. This was the last thing he’d expected.
Okay, so it’s been a struggle since Alice was born, and he is well aware that a large part of the problem is down to him.
But he has taken responsibility, he has started to see a therapist, made an effort not to bring his work home.
Ida’s eyes are shining with unshed tears. She looks desperately unhappy.
“I think we need to be apart for a while,” she continues. “To work out what we want.”
She touches the long braid hanging over her shoulder, stares into her mug as if the answers might be there. Then she dashes away a tear with her index finger.
“Sorry,” she whispers.
Daniel can’t take it in. He hears the words, but he doesn’t understand what they mean.
Nothing in his life has prepared him for this.
Ida is looking at him as if she is expecting a response, but Daniel has no idea what he is supposed to say. All he knows is that a debilitating exhaustion is taking over his body.
He feels groggy, dizzy, even though he is stone-cold sober.
When he gets to his feet, he is so disorientated that he can hardly stand, let alone react to what Ida has just said.
“I’m going to bed,” he mumbles, staggering out of the kitchen.
“Shouldn’t we talk about this?” she calls after him.
“Later.”
Daniel can barely keep his eyes open; it is as if the shock is shutting down his system. It is all so bewildering, and he is totally worn out after the past week.
He dare not even consider what Ida’s announcement will mean for Alice.
All he wants is to lie down. Fall into a deep slumber that will obliterate reality.
Tomorrow he will try to sort out his life.
Right now he has to sleep.