Chapter 14 Nico
nico
Packy opened the door and tried to smile, but it didn’t work. Without a word, he stepped aside and pointed at two chairs by the window.
We sat, and once again, he said nothing. Someone had to say something, so I went with what I had. “Hey.”
“Hey,” he said.
No jokes or easy banter, only a repetition of what I’d said. The tension stretched to the breaking point. I bounced my knee so hard I put a hand on it to stop. Desperate to get us talking, I said, “I’m starving.”
He nodded. “Room service is on the way. Any minute.”
That got the words flowing, but we avoided what we needed to say. Instead, we discussed our teams’ schedules, how cold it was in Buffalo, and our flight times the next morning. It was all empty talk, and we soon ran out of things to say.
Packy stared past me at the wall, biting his lip so hard it looked painful. This wasn’t the same guy who used to be my best friend, or the one I’d battled with for years. He was hell and gone from the man at the charity game and locker-room press conference.
I’d had enough. “We were good today,” I said, “so why are you acting like someone stole your stick?”
He exhaled slowly, keeping his eyes on the wall. “People are getting it wrong.”
“Getting what wrong?”
“All of it.” His voice hardened. “The chemistry crap. Packo. Bromance. They think I’m your boyfriend.”
I laughed, but not because he was funny. If he was trying to make me feel bad, I could be an asshole too. “Maybe because you act like it half the time.”
He jerked his head around and glared at me. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means stop hiding behind jokes and silence. If you have a problem with me, say so.”
His eyes flared, and I braced for a fight as he opened his mouth. The knock came at the worst possible moment.
He answered the door, and the room-service waiter wheeled in a cart with burgers, fries, and beer. Too hungry to talk, we ate in silence. The stress was like a thundercloud in the room.
Pack finished first. He wiped his hands, then looked at me. “You want to talk? Let’s do it.”
“You go first,” I said. “I’m not finished eating.”
“Fine.” He dragged a hand through his hair and huffed out a breath. “Why the fuck would you say I act like your boyfriend? I can’t stand the sight of you.”
My stomach twisted, and I had to work to swallow a bite of burger.
I pushed my plate away. “I said it because it was true enough to get your attention. But you don’t act like any boyfriend I’ve ever had.
” My nails were biting into my palms, so I forced my hands to relax.
“Why does it bother you so much? Everyone knows you’re straight. ”
His face turned red, and then he detonated. “You jumped me in the locker room in college. Why didn’t you talk to me first? You just came at me in front of everyone.”
“Because you spent a week running your mouth about me when—” I swallowed to slow myself down. “After the thing with Kayla, I’d walk into the room and find you laughing with the guys. It happened over and over, and Ogden finally told me why.”
The color drained from his face. “I was bragging, Nix. Like you always did.”
“You were spreading lies,” I shot back. “Stuff about the cops dragging me out of her place.”
“I never said that. Not one time.”
“Well, whatever you said was enough.” My voice was so hoarse it hurt my throat. “The rumors never went away.”
“You’ve got to believe me. The only thing I said, and it was during our fight, was that her neighbors had to pull you out of her apartment. I swear I never said you were arrested.”
If he was telling the truth, one of the things I’d been furious about for years never happened.
“Why didn’t you say something about it then?” he asked.
My eyes burned, and I struggled to keep my voice even. “Why did you sucker punch me in our room?”
“Oh, like you did me in the locker room?”
“I admit that, but why did you do it?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t. All you said was that I should learn to keep my mouth shut.”
“Bullshit.” He slammed his hand on the chair arm so hard it made me flinch, then went on. “You told the team I forced her to have sex. That she didn’t want it.” His voice broke. “That could’ve destroyed me. I could have gone to jail.”
My brain locked up as I tried to understand. “Pack… I didn’t. I wouldn’t say that about anyone unless I was sure they were guilty. You were my best friend.”
“Don’t,” he said, his voice still raw.
I stared at him, trying to understand how he could’ve believed I’d say that about him. “I swear to God, whoever told you that is a fucking liar.”
“Nix, I know…”
Shaking my head furiously, I said, “I didn’t. I know we’ve had our differences, but you knew me better than that. You knew… Fuck, you knew how I felt about you.”
Our eyes locked. He chewed his lips and tugged on a strand of hair until I nearly screamed at him to stop. Eventually, he exhaled. “You’re telling me the truth now?”
“Yes.”
He spoke so softly I barely heard him. “Stewie told me.”
I shot to my feet. “I’ll fucking kill him.”
Packy jumped up and grabbed my arms. “Stop.”
“That bastard cost us everything,” I shouted. “Years. I didn’t want to lose you. I…”
The room went dead quiet. Even the noise in the hallway faded.
Slowly, he let me go. “I’m so fucking sorry, Nix. I shouldn’t have believed it.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me?”
His laugh was bitter. “We were one bad night away from murdering each other. Talking wasn’t exactly an option.”
I looked into his eyes. “I hate that we let all this destroy what we had. All along, I’ve been wanting… And now I feel… Is there any way we can fix things?”
He took a moment to answer. “I don’t know. We’ve hated each other for a long time, and…” The sentence died.
“We could try,” I said.
He sank back into his chair and studied the ceiling. “There’s something else we should talk about. When the alternate captain position opened up, you told people you’d been coaching me. That without you, I couldn’t play worth shit.”
I narrowed my eyes. “No.”
“Don’t lie.”
“I’m not. I said you got too far in your head sometimes, and if they gave me the A, I’d keep you loose. Look, I wanted the A, and I was still pissed about Kayla.”
He sagged in his chair and started biting his lip again.
I leaned toward him and lowered my voice. “I was an asshole.”
“Agreed.”
“I’m telling you the truth, Pack.”
The light caught his eyes, and I saw tears there. “I’d have liked to wear the A too.”
“I know.” That brought something else to mind, and I said, “Speaking of wearing things, what about my clothes? Why did you throw everything I owned in the mud?”
“Fuck.” He rubbed his chest. “Because of the A. And everything else. It was too much, and I lost it.”
“You took it out on my wardrobe.”
He rolled his eyes. “I washed your clothes.”
“No. You sweet-talked your girlfriends into washing them.”
His mouth twitched. “Same thing.”
“It was absolutely not the same. You can’t have someone else make amends for you.”
We fell quiet.
“I was an asshole too,” he eventually said. “But you were supposed to be my friend.”
“I know.” My voice was small. “And you were supposed to be mine.”
The past was heavy between us. I’d never wished so hard that I could go back in time and change something.
“I shouldn’t have slept with Kayla,” he finally said. “I told myself we were all adults, and you told me you broke up with her.”
I stared at the floor. “I lied. Sorry.”
“I figured that out, but not before I slept with her.”
“Fuck. I shouldn’t have said all that bullshit about you.” My throat ached, but I forced myself to go on. “I wanted the A so much I forgot whose name I was shitting all over.”
He nodded once. “I shouldn’t have trashed your clothes.”
“I shouldn’t have put you on your ass in front of the team.”
We looked into each other’s eyes. Nothing was fixed, but the air was lighter.
After a long moment, he scrubbed his hands over his face. “Well, since we’ve established we’re both assholes… Truce?”
“Another one?”
He raised an eyebrow.
I nearly laughed. “Truce.”
“Okay.” He picked up his beer and tilted it toward me. “To truces.”
“To truces,” I said. Warm beer never tasted so good.
I said yes when he suggested a movie, but when he climbed onto the bed and patted the spot beside him, I hesitated.
“Come on, Nix.” He patted the bed again. “We either have a truce or we don’t. How many times back in the day did we lie on a bed and watch movies? We didn’t jump each other’s bones then, and I’m pretty sure we can control ourselves tonight.”
I laughed. “You’re right, but I’m—”
“My friend again. Now get the hell over here.”
We lay on opposite sides of the wide mattress. In my mind, the bed became a hockey rink. I was on offense, and he was the goalie. He stayed in his crease, behind a line I couldn’t cross.
“You care what we watch?” he asked.
I shook my head, and he stopped scrolling when he found a sports documentary. Safe.
We pretended to pay attention to the show. The glow of the screen brought out the shadows on his throat and the sharp notch of his collarbone. My eyes kept going there, no matter how many times I looked away.
How would he taste if I licked him there?
“Stop staring,” he said, keeping his eyes on the TV.
“I’m not.”
“Good.”
He stretched his legs and moved a little closer. Accident or on purpose? Half a minute later, I did the same to find a better viewing angle. Our legs brushed, and the spark shot straight to my dick.
Neither of us moved, but Pack said, “I was a jerk.”
“Same.”
He looked over. “Call it even?”
“You know I suck at math. Is that how it works?”
We laughed. The tension heightened when he scooted even closer, and I shifted nearer to him. Nothing was happening, I reminded myself.
Bullshit. It’s been happening since freshman year.