Chapter 23 Packy
packy
By the time I hung my suit in the closet, my hands shook so badly I fumbled opening the tie drawer. The house was too warm, and the living room seemed smaller than usual. It was useless trying to sit because I couldn’t stay still.
When I’d texted Nix to come over, I’d told myself it was no big deal. We’d have a snack and talk about our next PR trip. If something else came up, we’d deal with it.
Now, the “something else” was all I could think about.
I needed to know how he looked at me when the arena noise was gone and our teammates weren’t watching.
The edits online made our chemistry impossible to miss, but I didn’t need the internet to tell me what I felt.
His kisses had rewritten the meaning of need.
No wonder I couldn’t stop pacing. If we didn’t talk about what was happening, we could lose it before we figured out what it was.
My phone buzzed, and I nearly ripped my pocket getting it out.
NIX: Almost there.
I checked my reflection in the foyer mirror and winced. The sweaty man looking back at me did not look calm.
Headlights swept across the window, and a moment later, a car door thudded shut. Footsteps made the porch boards creak, followed by the knock I’d been waiting for. I opened the door.
Nix stood with his shoulders hunched and a parka zipped up to his chin. I moved aside, and then we were in each other’s arms. His hug quieted the chaos in my head, and his lips felt better than anything I could imagine.
“Let me take your coat,” I said, unzipping it before he could answer. I wanted to tear off his clothes, but if we didn’t talk first, we might not get the chance. He’d be on a plane tomorrow, and the idea of waiting again made my chest ache.
“Congrats on the hat trick,” he said while I hung his coat. “You played like the hockey gods had possessed you.”
I turned, smirking a little. “Something did, I guess. With all the excitement, it’s a wonder I remembered to text you.”
Why the fuck did I say that? Had to be nerves.
He groaned. “Don’t rub it in.” Leaning close enough for his breath to tickle my lips, he added, “You can rub anything you want in bed, though. Speaking of which, you want to…?”
God, yes. But not yet.
“How about food first?” My voice was rough. Before he could argue, I took his hand and led him to the kitchen.
I made grilled ham and Brie sandwiches. While we ate, I couldn’t stop looking at him. He kept glancing up like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. A muscle twitched under his eye.
The sandwiches disappeared, and so did my courage. I didn’t know how to say what I needed to.
While I loaded the dishwasher, he came up behind me and pressed close. His warm breath brushed my neck, and I froze. He kissed a slow line down my skin as his hard cock dug into my butt. My resolve faltered.
No, not yet. We need to talk first.
We couldn’t go straight to bed. I needed to be honest about what I wanted and what it meant. So I grabbed two beers from the fridge and opened them with shaky hands. Handing him one, I raised my eyebrows. “Living room?”
He grinned. “That’s what the kids are calling it now?”
“Some of us even talk there.”
He tilted his head. “Dangerous.”
“Extremely.” I started walking but glanced back. “But I’m willing to risk it.”
We sat on the couch, looking at each other.
“I was…” Nix stopped and took a long drink.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
He picked at the label on his bottle. My knee started bouncing, so I pressed my hand on top to stop it. “You’ve had boyfriends since you joined the Condors, right?”
“You heard?” He looked up and grinned. “Were you checking on me?”
“Guilty of curiosity. The league’s rumor mill is shameless.”
“True. Your divorce sounded rough. I’m sorry.”
“She was…” I let out a slow breath. “We had problems early on.”
“She left with Dirksen, right? The football player?”
“Yeah. I found out they’d been fucking for at least a year.”
His eyes blazed. “Goddamn cheaters. I’ve been through it too.”
“At least once it happens, you know you deserve better.”
He clinked his bottle against mine. “You can say that again.”
We went silent, the quiet full of everything left unsaid.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “There’s something I need to say, but I don’t even know how to start without sounding like an idiot. I’m terrible at this.”
“At what?”
My stomach clenched so hard I grunted. “Talking. Feelings. Whatever this is.”
“Pretty sure you just started. Go ahead.”
I stared at my hands and took two slow breaths before I could meet his eyes. “You were my best friend. I never thought about… this. Us. Which sounds stupid, considering how much time we spent together. I noticed everything about you and didn’t know why.”
His brow creased, and he nodded for me to keep going.
“I hated it when we fought. I always hoped we’d work things out, but we never did. Then life happened. We grew even further apart. I used to think I was mad because you never reached out, but I didn’t either. Yesterday I realized I was probably angrier at myself than at you.”
He nodded. “So we both sucked at communication? Shocking, given our reputations for say-nothing post-game interviews.”
I laughed, relieved the tension had eased. “Yeah, we were always real poets. Unless we were chirping, I guess.”
“Maybe that’s our true love language.”
I took a moment before saying, “When they teamed us up for this outreach thing, I wasn’t happy.
I thought it would be awkward as hell. Instead, once you were there again, it felt right.
” I hesitated, worried I’d said too much.
But if he wanted to talk, I had to keep going.
“I love what we do in bed, too. Not only the physical stuff, either. It’s you, Nix. That’s what makes it so…”
His lips twitched. “Exceptional? Award-winning? Five-star Yelp reviews?”
I rolled my eyes, smiling despite myself. “All of the above.”
“You… um…” He nodded. “Same, Pack.”
My hands started shaking again. “I’m so into you.
But before I let my thoughts run away, I should know what you want.
Hookups? Friends with benefits? Maybe something else?
” I looked away, afraid of seeing rejection in his eyes.
Why would he want anything besides casual sex with me? It was a wonder he wanted that.
“Something else, like what?” He scooted closer until our knees touched, then reached for my hand. “Tell me.”
I looked back at him. “Maybe… Could you want what I do? Someone who makes the noise stop. A guy who makes things feel okay.”
A little smile worked its way across his lips. “I’ve liked you since the day we met. Back then, I thought I was bi. I didn’t completely understand my feelings about you, but no one had ever come close to affecting me the way you did.”
“Really? I thought we were best friends.”
“We were, but for me, it was more. I thought I had a crush. Every time I looked at you, it was like watching the sun come up on a perfect summer morning.” He shrugged. “But crushes fade, and my feelings for you never did. When everything blew up, I wasn’t just pissed. I was hurt.”
“I know.” I squeezed his hand. “Me too.”
“These last few weeks have been a do-over I never thought would happen.”
I swallowed hard, and my voice came out rough. “I always liked you too, but I didn’t know what to call it. I thought I was straight, so best friends were the only words I had.”
He leaned so close his breath brushed my nose. “You asked what I want. That’s easy. I want you. I’ve wanted to be with you for years, and I’d like to see what happens if we stop pretending we’re not already halfway there.”
My heart rattled like a snare drum. “Me too. You’re gay, and I don’t know what I am. Fuck if I care. But I know I want to be with you.”
He brushed a kiss over my lips, then pulled back. His eyes were bright. “You mean you want us to date?”
“Yeah. I don’t know how this works with guys, but… yeah.”
He laughed and then caught himself, but his shoulders still shook. “I think you’ve already figured out how a lot of things work with guys, and I promise to show you more.”
I groaned. “You’re impossible.”
“Part of my charm.”
We went quiet, both of us still smiling. “I’m not interested in anyone else,” I said. “Haven’t been for a long time.”
He nodded once. “Good. Neither am I.”
My heart beat a little faster. “So… Does this mean we’re boyfriends?”
He winked. “Think the league will fine us for that?”
“Not a chance. They’d have to fine way too many guys.” I was so giddy I barely knew what I was saying. “Play video games for a while?”
He traced a finger across my cheek. “I’m up for games, but I had something more physical in mind.”
My breath caught. “Like seal-the-deal physical?”
He nodded slowly. “Up for another hat trick?”