Chapter 32
nico
Two Weeks Later: Miami
The sound of the ocean pulled me awake. Gray-blue leaked around the edges of the drapes, and Pack’s arm was heavy across my chest. The heat of his body against mine was only an echo of what we’d shared the night before.
Spending the night together had been a gift from the hockey gods.
The Warriors rarely got a free day in Miami, and since the Condors flew in early for our own game, Pack and I found time we shouldn’t have had.
With the league outreach mission winding down, we hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks.
The hunger, physical and mental, had affected my game.
A cart rolled by in the hallway. Pack moaned, then shifted enough to kiss my neck.
“What time is it?”
I checked the clock. “Five-thirty.”
“Shit. Breakfast is coming at six, flight at eight.” He shifted closer. “Goddamn front office.”
I slid my fingers into his chest hair. “There’s time. Sleep a little more.”
He rested his head on my shoulder. We talked about safe things like the Warriors’ upcoming home stretch, the Condors’ game against Miami tonight, and how wrong it felt to play hockey in subtropical heat.
But underneath the sleepy conversation, he was tense. He kept starting to say something and then stopping.
“So… um…”
Nothing.
Then: “Fuck. Never mind.”
I turned to face him. “You keep doing that. Starting, then bailing.”
“It’s nothing.” His chuckle was hollow. “Just stupid shit in my head.”
“Listening to stupid shit is the second thing in a boyfriend’s job description. You can tell me anything.”
The creases in his forehead deepened. “I don’t want to fuck this up, Nix.”
My stomach tightened because I had words of my own that I was too afraid to say. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk?”
“Later, okay? No time to get into it right now.”
“Okay.”
After he told me one of Holky’s latest dumb jokes, we traded lazy kisses. The whole time, the tangle of words inside me kept getting tighter.
I’d always been good at reading plays, seeing where things were going before they got there. With Pack, it was harder. He was a ball of nerves about us, but why? Was his cheating ex making it hard for him to trust? Was it because I was a man? Or did he simply not want a future with me?
I had to know.
“Can I ask you something?” My voice was thin. “Without you freaking out?”
He went completely still. “That’s a hell of an opening.”
“I’m serious.”
He propped himself on his elbow. His hair stuck up in every direction, and a pillow crease was stamped into one cheek. “Okay. No freaking out.”
Don’t do it. You’ll lose him.
But I was tired of guessing. If I knew about the future, one way or another, I could adjust my expectations and enjoy what we had now.
“If it ever made sense in your life, with your contract and everything…” I swallowed hard. “Would you ever think about living in New York?”
The AC hummed. Outside, a car revved its engine and then faded.
His eyes widened, and his mouth opened. Nothing came out. His hand slid off my stomach.
“I—” He cleared his throat. “That’s… fuck, Nix.”
My heart was thumping so fast it was hard to breathe. “It’s just a question.”
“I know, but…” He sat up, rubbing his neck. “My contract. Buffalo. The team.” He looked at me with something close to panic in his eyes. “You.”
The word landed like a fist. You. Not us or this. He’d said you, as if I were a problem he couldn’t solve.
“Hey.” Somehow, I forced myself to sound steady. “It was only a question. I swear I didn’t order a moving van.”
“I like you so much.” His voice cracked. “But I can’t think about moving in the middle of the season. I’m sorry if I’m fucking this up.”
“You’re not.” I took his hand. “I ambushed you. That wasn’t fair.”
“You’re allowed to ask.” He brought my fingers to his lips for a kiss. “I don’t have an answer right now. Could we talk about this after the season?”
After the season.
Not yes, or I want to. Just later.
“Sure.” I leaned in and brushed a soft kiss over his lips. “We’ll hold that thought.”
We beat the Miami Sunrise that night, though I did little to help. My head was still stuck in the hotel room with Pack twelve hours earlier. After a day of obsessing over every word of that conversation, I still didn’t understand it any better than when it happened.
The reporters were gentle after the game and didn’t bring up my rough night. When I reached the locker room, most of the boys were already dressed. A few nodded as I headed to the shower.
As I was pulling my pants on, Kai bounded across the room like a Dalmatian on speed. “We’re hitting the hotel bar. You in? Noah’s turn to pay.”
I was in no mood for socializing, but it might keep my brain from overheating. Before I could answer, Kai started play-punching my arm.
“C’mon, Captain. One drink. It’ll be a great time. Just the boys. Well, except Lindholm, who already left with a puck bunny.” Apparently worried that I still wasn’t convinced, Kai started dancing. He looked like a drunk in freefall.
“One drink,” I said. “I—”
“Have to call your man,” Jace said from across the room. “We know.”
The hotel bar was quiet when we arrived. As soon as we sat down, everyone started talking at once.
Noah leaned toward me. “Everything okay in Romeo Land? I’ve got a feeling your game would’ve been better if Paquette was there.”
“Everything’s fine.”
I ordered a Glenlivet neat, and Noah asked for a vodka tonic.
“Maybe he should’ve been there wearing your jersey,” Noah added. “Boyfriends do that sometimes.”
“They wear other things too,” Jace said. “Like that stuff you squirt on their face. Did you give him some of that this morning?”
“Like you gave Theo some?” I asked. “I saw him leaving your room. Looked like he had way too much gel in his hair.”
The guys cracked up, and Theo flipped me off.
“Warriors played Toronto tonight,” Kai said. “You two sync your pregame naps? Set a romance alarm?”
“Fuck off,” I said, making everyone laugh again. This was typical teammate banter, so I played along. “Packy and I are professionals. We only sext on off days.”
“Man, he’s got your number hard,” Theo said. “I haven’t seen you like this since last year when that Swedish winger showed up at your door unannounced.”
After a round of oohs, I deadpanned, “He was very persuasive. And Scandinavian men are very good with their hands.”
Kai hooked a hand beside his mouth like he was about to tell a secret and practically shouted, “And dicks.”
While we cackled, I checked my watch. Time to head upstairs.
McKay, one of the rookies, grinned. “Hasn’t Paquette always been straight? You sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend hidden on the side?”
The table went silent so fast my ears rang. McKay tried to laugh, but Jace elbowed him hard.
“Goddammit,” Theo said. “Not cool at all.”
McKay went pale. “Shit. I didn’t… I was kidding. Sorry, Rosco.”
“It’s fine,” I said, finishing my scotch. “I’m wiped, so I’m gonna head up. Big travel day tomorrow.”
Noah caught my arm. “You okay?
I nodded. “Night, boys.”
In my room, I changed into boxers and a T-shirt, then sat on the bed while the day bounced around in my head.
“He’s got your number hard.”
“I don’t have a good answer right now.”
“You sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend hidden on the side?”
I grabbed my phone before I could lose my nerve.
NICO: Miss you. This sport sucks sometimes.
Every time we get a night together, we pay for it with ten days apart.
I played like my head was hundreds of miles away.
Probably because it was. I’d rather be with you arguing about who’s stealing the blankets.
Are you in your room? Need to see your face.
I sent it.
While I washed my face, the doubts sneaked in. What if he went out? What if he met someone?
Fuck. When I reached the bed again, my phone was glowing.
PACK: Hey, babe. We’re at the hotel but they screwed up our rooms. I got paired with Harpy. Total clusterfuck at the desk.
Another message followed.
PACK: Can’t talk freely and don’t want to give him a free show. Let’s talk tomorrow when we’re both home? As long as we want. I miss you like crazy.
A selfie popped up. Pack and Blanton were making dumb faces, with two messy beds behind them. My stomach relaxed.
NICO: Totally get it. Tell Blanton thanks for cockblocking me. Tomorrow will be perfect. Sleep well.
I took a quick selfie with a sad look and tapped send. Pack wasn’t sneaking around. The guy could barely keep track of his gear, so there was no way he was hiding a secret life.
The bed was cold when I slid under the covers.
I missed Pack’s solid bulk keeping me warm.
I picked up my phone and opened some of the naughty photos we’d exchanged for the hard, lonely nights.
Ten minutes later, I used tissues to wipe up the worst of the mess, then turned on my side.
I closed my eyes and took a long breath.
In a few days, I’d try again. I’d ask the right question this time.