7. Emma
CHAPTER SEVEN
emma
I hadn’t heard from Hunter since our texts yesterday, and Haley had yet to call me.
I hoped that meant Cam was keeping our secret.
I groaned as I rolled over onto my stomach. An empty ice cream pint sat on my side table next to a half-eaten bag of Doritos.
Sadness settled in like a heavy, dark cloud. I still hadn’t cried, though. I’d even watched Marley and Me , a movie that usually made me sob.
Except it hadn’t worked this time.
I couldn’t even remember how many years it’d been since I’d seen my dad. Nine? Ten? We didn’t talk, hardly kept in touch. Whenever I spoke about him, which was rare, I basically called him my sperm donor because that’s all he’d been to me after I’d divorced Josh.
Grief was all too familiar. I knew what it felt like to lose someone you loved. I knew what it felt like for everything to stop moving, for your entire body to twist so painfully around your heart that you felt like you were dying, too. I knew grief, but this felt different.
I wasn’t mourning my father, exactly. I was mourning the relationship I’d wanted. I was mourning the father I never had. In a perfect world, maybe the two of us could have reconnected later in life. Maybe we could have shared real conversations and feelings and could have patched up the broken road of our past.
But now, he was gone. I’d never get that chance. And instead of feeling sad, I was relieved.
I was relieved I’d never have to try.
Wasn’t that selfish? Didn’t that mean there was something wrong with me? I should have cried or screamed or curled up in a ball, but instead I just…
I just felt annoyed. I resented that Josh was the one to tell me. I hated that he’d come to my town, to my doorstep, and then stood there with his damn smug face thinking that he was still better than me.
I hated that my father had always taken Josh’s side. That after our divorce, he’d even graced me with a phone call to tell me I was being absurd for taking off to Baltimore. That my job was to get married and have plenty of children so the Madden name could carry on, especially since my sister was dead.
I was too much. I was too little. I’d never been who he wanted and never would be. Rage bled all over whatever grief I felt, turning it into ugly resentment.
A knock echoed from downstairs. I lifted my head and stared, my heart lurching in my chest. If it was Josh again, I was going to kick him in the balls this time. I owed that much to myself, right?
My entire body felt like lead. I’d planned to rot in bed with my bad decisions today, but the knock came a little harder.
Donnie leapt off the end of the bed and followed me downstairs. I unlocked the door and opened it.
Haley and Sarah stood on the other side.
Both of their expressions told me they knew. Fuck . Should have known better than to even consider Cam would hide something this big from Haley.
“Oh boy,” I breathed out. “He told you.”
“Yeah, he did. Emma, what the fuck? ” Haley seethed.
I wrinkled my nose and leaned forward, plucking my mail from the box next to the front door. There were two letters and a bill. I frowned at one of the envelopes. My name was the only thing written on the front, nothing else. I glanced up as a red car drove by slowly, but then turned to Haley and Sarah.
“ Really ?” Haley asked.
Her arms were crossed, her curls drawn up into a top knot. Sarah’s hair was in a similar style, her lips pressed into a disapproving line. Both of them were in leggings and T-shirts which made me think they’d found out this morning and immediately rushed over.
This was somehow worse than I’d expected.
“Well,” I sighed. “Come in. Might as well talk.” I stepped aside to let them both in, tucking the mail under my arm.
The right thing to do would be to tell them the truth, but now that felt harder than rolling with the lie.
“Can I at least make coffee before we start?” I asked.
“Um, no,” Sarah said. “You have a lot of explaining to do. I’ll make the coffee.”
I winced as I followed them to the kitchen. Haley turned around to glare at me. “We’ve been friends for almost a decade,” she started. “And I hear from my husband that you’re engaged to his brother? Do you know how shitty that feels? I didn’t even know the two of you were dating.”
“It’s new.” I couldn’t help but sound dejected.
“He said you’ve been dating for months . And that you hooked up at our wedding.”
Goddammit, Hunter, what the fuck? This yarn was spinning out of control. We definitely hadn’t hooked up at her wedding, though I’d considered it. I remembered drinking a little too much that night and thinking his ass looked good in a suit. But nothing ever happened.
I bit the inside of my mouth, deciding what to say next.“Well. Yeah… Okay, so we’ve kept it a secret. But there’s just been so much going on and…”
“Emma, nothing has been going on,” Sarah said. “Aside from my wedding and all the construction, it’s actually been normal for the last year. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I knew it would be a big deal. I’m not used to having everyone up in my business all the time.”
Haley gasped. “Are you serious? That’s your excuse? I tell you everything!”
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “To both of you. But yes, Hunter and I are engaged.” Liar, liar, silk pajamas on fire.
“When did he propose?” Sarah asked as she started the coffee maker. “And where’s the ring? Cam said there was no ring. It doesn’t sound like you to say yes without a ring.”
Dammit. I should have called him last night to get our stories straight. Now, I had no idea what they knew and didn’t know. I tossed the mail onto the counter and leaned against the fridge.
“He showed me the ring. It’s being custom made,” I said.
“I was asked about ring opinions,” Haley said flatly. She blew a stray strand of hair out of her face and shook her head at me. “Not buying it. This whole situation is weird.”
“Okay, so maybe this was a whirlwind decision,” I said defensively.
“Do you love him?” Sarah asked.
Silence settled over the kitchen. The storms of yesterday had passed, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel like I was trapped in the eye of a hurricane.
“Yes,” I lied. “I love him.”
“You, Emma Madden, love a grouchy, muddy farmer. Hunter Harlow. The man you’ve supposedly hated from day one.” Sarah crossed her arms as the coffee maker beeped. “I have doubts.”
“I didn’t have doubts about you, Sammy, and Colt,” I protested.
“Yes, you did,” Haley said. “Didn’t you threaten both of them?”
I definitely had. Then again, I’d also seen Sarah go through so much and it wasn’t just one guy, it’d been two. “You can threaten Hunter if you want,” I said with a shrug.
Haley frowned. “Don’t shrug at me like that. This is a huge deal. Cam said Hunter was casual about it, too. We’re all in shock.”
Sarah nodded in agreement. “Also, this is Hunter we’re talking about. He’s like Superman around here. Everyone knows and loves him, except for you. For almost three years, you two have fought, argued, and hated each other.”
“Things can change. Is it really so outrageous that we’re in love?” I massaged my temples as a headache threatened to settle in.
“Yes? It is? Because we all thought you hated each other?”
“Blame my ADHD for forgetting to tell you?”
Both of them shook their heads at me. “Emma, that’s the lamest excuse you’ve ever given,” Haley scolded. “I’ve known you for so long. I know how your brain works. You forget things like closing the fridge, putting a clip on bags of chips, folding your laundry.”
“Or you hyper-fixate on random hobbies, like thrifting,” Sarah said. “I did live with you for a while, so I know how your brain works, too.”
“I like thrifting,” I mumbled.
“I know. But you’ve gone through a lot of hobbies since I’ve known you. My point is, it’s things like that—not forgetting to mention a whole-ass relationship,” Haley continued.
I was feeling shittier and shittier about this. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
“We’d hoped that maybe the two of you could be friends, but now you’re engaged and have been dating behind our backs. It’s just… I don’t even know,” Sarah added.
“I need more caffeine before we continue this. Why aren’t you guys happy for me?” It’s not real. I had to keep reminding myself.
Maybe this was a terrible mistake.
I opened my mouth to tell them the truth and snapped it shut when I heard a knock. “I got it,” I said, spinning and fleeing. I bolted to the door and opened it. “Josh.”
Fuck my life. Not now. Now was not the right time.
Josh stood there looking just as put together as he had yesterday, but far more irritated. He was wearing a different, far more expensive suit, which meant he was pissed.
“Hey, Emma,” he said. “Listen, we really need to talk?—”
“Now isn’t the right time, Josh,” I said firmly.
He rolled his pretty blue eyes. “Then give me a time?—”
“Emma? Is that your fiancé ?” Haley called.
Dammit. The last thing I needed was for her to meet Josh. She’d start to suspect something was even more wrong.
At some point, I’d need to tell her about my dad, too.
Everything just felt too difficult right now. All my secrets were a tornado and everything was getting caught in their path.
“Emma?”
I could hear the snap in her tone. “Nope!” I called, stepping outside. I shut the door behind me. “I need you to go,” I said to Josh “Like I said, now is not the time. I told you to send me an email to set something up, not show up uninvited again.”
“Then, when? I can’t stay here forever, Emma. The lawyers are breathing down my neck.”
God, I wanted to fucking kick his nuts. “Come by tomorrow night at six, I’ll make dinner. What papers do you need me to sign?”
“I can’t just give you a rundown here,” he said. “Let me in.”
“No,” I said. “I have guests. Go away.”
He sighed, clearly even more agitated. He put his hands on his hips. “I’ll tell you tomorrow, then,” he said, shrugging. “Tomorrow at six.”
“Yep,” I said dismissively.
He went down the steps to his car. His body looked so stiff, I wondered if there was a stick up his ass. Then again, he’d always been too lame to let me peg him.
“Bye,” he called.
I bit my tongue before I shouted ‘farewell motherfucker’ at him in the middle of my neighborhood. I stepped back inside and slammed the door quickly.
I really, really hated him. Like, truly hated him.
It made me realize I didn’t actually hate Hunter.
Not like that, anyway.
Time could heal all wounds, sure, but that didn’t mean they healed without ugly, jagged scars. Every time I saw Josh, I felt nauseous, angry, and sad all over again.
At the end of the day, my dad had chosen him over me, right? Maybe that’s what hurt most of all.
My eyes started to water and I sucked in a breath. Was this it? Was I going to cry?
They dried up before any tears could fall. “Dammit,” I whispered.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent Hunter an angry text.
Me : You should have fucking told me what you told Cam yesterday. He told Hal, she told Sarah, and they’re both over. WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM????
Texting bubbles popped up and then disappeared.
Me : HUNTER HARLOW I need info now! Also Josh came by again. He’s coming over for dinner tomorrow.
Hunter : I’ll be there in five, stall them.
That was even worse. I looked like a drowned rat right now. My face felt puffy from sleeping like shit, my hair was an absolute mess.
I walked by the kitchen and held up a thumbs-up, saying the only thing that could get me out of this mess temporarily to Haley and Sarah.
“I’m going to take a shit.”
They both snorted, all too familiar with my hot girl tummy troubles.
“I’ll be back.”
“Take your time,” Haley said.
I planned to take all the time I needed until Hunter got here.