Chapter Fifty-Four
Fifty-Four
‘I love you!’ Quaddra said it first – four months into their relationship.
The words had come out in a papery whisper, and just as they were done having sex, but not immediately afterwards… not in the heat of the moment. Quaddra had lain by Mary’s side for several minutes, regaining his breath, and getting his thoughts and the courage together.
He would’ve said it earlier… much earlier, in fact.
Probably just a month after he and Mary started dating, but he truly didn’t want to scare her away.
They had talked about her marriage and her divorce…
not in great depth, but enough for him to understand that to Mary ‘love’ had become more than just a scary word.
It had become a scary feeling – something that could so easily mutate from a glittery fairytale into a devastating nightmare in the blink of an eye.
But Quaddra had fallen head over heels for Mary. He knew that she already knew it, but he wanted her to know that he wasn’t afraid to say it – not to her, or anyone else.
‘I love you!’ he said it again, this time gazing deeply into Mary’s eyes, and as he did, he saw something change in them. Was it fear? Happiness? Sadness? Indifference? Despite all his people skills, Quaddra couldn’t tell.
Silence took over the room for a long moment.
‘Honey,’ Mary finally cut through it, her tone seemingly firm, but Quaddra picked up a slight quiver in her voice. ‘That’s just pillow talk.’ She gave him a peck on the lips before trying to joke it all away. ‘I’m good in bed, what can I say?’
As Mary tried to turn away, Quaddra placed a soft hand on her shoulder. ‘Mary.’
She paused, doing her best to fight the tears that were about to well in her eyes. It took a second before she was able to look at him again.
‘You don’t have to say it back… though I hope that one day you might, but I want you to know that I do love you with every atom of my being, and that I’m not afraid.’
Mary laid silent by Quaddra’s side for a long while before getting out of bed and taking a couple of steps in the direction of the bathroom.
Quaddra pulled himself up onto a sitting position, as a knot began tying itself around his heart before choking at his throat because he had lied.
He’d just told Mary that he wasn’t afraid, but the truth was that he was petrified, but not of saying that he loved her.
He could scream that from the rooftops. He was terrified of losing Mary…
and right then, he believed that his love for her had done just that.
The silence between them stretched, making time feel like it was standing still. And that was the first ever time that the silence between them felt awkward.
Quaddra really wanted to say something… anything that could make that moment untie itself, but what could he say? That he was sorry for having fallen in love with her?
Mary took a third step in the direction of the bathroom, but then suddenly stopped.
It’d been a year and a half since Nelson’s trial, and since then she’d been careful…
very careful, actually. With the exception of gangster-suit man back in Nashville, she had no indications that her ex-husband was catching up to her, so maybe…
just maybe… it was time to stop living in fear and finally start rebuilding her life.
All of a sudden, Mary turned around, jumped back into bed and into Quaddra’s arms.
‘Damn you,’ she said, holding his face in between her hands, her eyes glassy with tears.
‘Why?’ he asked.
‘Because I love you too.’