Chapter Four #2
But I knew other things too. How he’d watched me in the shower after gym class. And how I’d let him because I’d liked seeing those big green eyes follow my hands as I’d touched my body. Navigating the shitstorm of my home life, it was the one thing I’d looked forward to. The only thing.
That secret remained unresolved, festering like a living, breathing thing, sucking up all the oxygen between us.
I couldn’t forget—and he hadn’t either. It didn’t help that I’d shown up at his home, acting the fool.
I burned with humiliation that in my moment of weakness, I’d run to him for…
what exactly? Solace? A friend in the darkness? I hadn’t a clue.
What had I been hoping for? I’d never been with a man, and as far as I knew, Emerson wasn’t into guys.
Yet each time we were in the same space, whether at Sweeny’s, at the station, or just passing each other in town, it was as if I were back in that shower in our smelly high school gym, gripping my dick as I jerked off, knowing Emerson Kane was watching.
“No. I don’t really know him. At all.”
**
We ended our tour around eight that night, and I went home, fully intending to turn in early, but all the discussion about Emerson and the memories it dragged up from the depths left me restless and edgy.
Unusual for me, I texted the group chat the deputies had set up to see who’d be up for a beer.
A bunch of guys answered, and we agreed to meet at Sweeny’s.
A shower, a quick brush of my hair, and a slap of cologne, and I was ready to wipe Emerson Kane out of my mind.
Teegan and Ross had a pitcher and a couple of platters of wings waiting on the table.
“Dom, what’s the good word?” Teegan asked, sliding a frothy mug in front of me. “What do you hear about those two losers who tried to rob the jewelry store?”
The cold beer soothed my throat. “According to the DA, they confessed to all the crimes, and they’ll be spending the next ten to twenty years in Green Haven.”
“Good. Dumb fuckers,” Ross cursed. “How’s your head? You took a nasty hit. That had to have hurt.”
“I’m okay. A little sore, but I didn’t even need stitches.” I touched the back of my head. There was a bump and a scab, but I didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m pissed I let my guard down. I should’ve been more careful.”
“Good thing Kane went in. You ex-NYPD folks are more used to shit like that.”
I raised a shoulder and drank more beer. “Depends. I never used my weapon when I was there. But I wasn’t in a high-crime precinct. Kane was. He probably saw more action that I did.”
We gnawed on some wings, and Krasinski and Malone joined us.
As usual, Krasinski began to moan about his love life, and I checked out of the conversation, scanning the bar to see who was around.
I did a double take. It was Natalie—Emerson’s girl, or so I’d thought.
She was hanging on some blond guy in a sleeveless tank, showcasing his muscles and tats. Seemed she had a type.
The pitcher emptied, I offered to go to the bar and get the next one. As I stood waiting for Theo, Emerson walked in. I darted a glance to Natalie and winced. She and the guy were lip-locked in a hot-and-heavy kiss. I turned, blocking Emerson’s view, and gave him way too hearty a greeting.
“Kane, we’re over there.” I pointed to our table, taking great pains to direct his attention anywhere but behind me. “I’m waiting for more beer, but there are wings on the table.”
Nonplussed at my excessively friendly greeting, Emerson narrowed his eyes. “Why’re you being so…pleasant?”
I smirked. “I’m a nice guy, don’t you know?”
“No. I didn’t. Uh, thanks.” The words must’ve sat bitter on his tongue because his gaze remained wary and assessing. But then he relented and left me to join our crew.
Theo took my pitcher. “Same as before?”
“Yeah, but make it two.” I waited, tapping my fingertips on the bar, keeping an eye on Natalie and her hunk.
“When’s Jet due back?” Theo asked as he held a pitcher under the spigot, tilting it so it wasn’t filled with foam.
“Not sure. I heard he extended his time away.”
Theo nodded. He was a shy man, and I could see it was painful for him to make small talk. And considering I was miserable at it as well, I kept quiet and took the pitchers from him with a quick, impersonal smile. “Thanks, Theo.”
“There he is. Finally,” Ross called out, and I set the pitchers on the table. “Lemme pour you one, Kane.”
“Thanks. I wasn’t planning on coming out, but since Natalie canceled our date, I saw your texts and figured why not. Said she had some stomach bug. Must’ve been the lunch she ate at the Blue Bird.” He took a deep swallow and licked his lips. “I was gonna do some laundry but decided it can wait.”
“Natalie’s hot.” Krasinski winked. “Lucky dude.”
“She’s a lot more than a pretty face,” Emerson protested and picked up a wing.
“She’s stayed a few days with me during my time off after the robbery, and I can see getting serious with her, more so than any other woman I’ve dated.
Nat’s kind and sweet. She told me how it was hard for her in Albany because her old boyfriend cheated on her and that’s why she left.
She was sick of players. She wants someone she can trust.” He grinned. “But yeah, she’s bangin’.”
I watched Emerson bask in everyone’s admiration for landing Natalie, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything nice about her, so I remained silent. Emerson wiped his fingers free of sticky wing sauce.
“You’re pretty quiet, Starr. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Not much to say.”
“Sorry I got to Natalie first, but she’s not your type.”