Chapter Eleven
Emerson
Damn him. I was so angry, I didn’t even pay attention to where I was headed. I simply drove through the darkness of Appleton Falls, and finally, seeing the lights of Sweeny’s, decided to hell with it. A beer wouldn’t hurt.
The tables and booths were occupied, but the bar was pretty empty, and I took a seat. Theo came over immediately with a shy smile.
“Hi, Emerson. What can I get you?”
“Just a Stella on tap, thanks.”
He filled up the chilled mug and slid it to me, then placed a basket of pretzels and chips in front of me.
“H-how’s it going tonight? All quiet in Appleton Falls?”
I crunched on the snacks. “Pretty much, except for my car getting totaled in the storm yesterday.”
“Ouch,” he sympathized. “But you weren’t hurt.”
“No, I was lucky.”
“That’s what’s important.”
Jaxon Polaris walked in and took a seat two stools away. “Deputy Kane, correct?”
I nodded. “Yeah. The bad guys keeping you working late?”
He grinned, and Theo came to take his order. “Hi. What can I get you?”
“I’ll do a Grey Goose and soda with lime, thanks.”
Theo went to mix the drink, and as I drank my beer, Polaris moved to the seat next to me. “Tough tour?”
His deep blue eyes roamed over me, and I wasn’t certain if it was him being politician friendly, or if there was a glint of interest. I could see how his warm voice might sway a jury.
“No more than usual. Speeders, loitering, and a couple of shoplifting calls. Our weekends are busier.”
“I’m sure. And that makes me busy on Monday morning. I see your lieutenant made an arrest with your help. Guy confessed, and I’ll be going for five to ten.”
“Too bad he can’t get more. But good. Thanks for letting me know.”
Theo brought Polaris’s drink, and I raised my glass. “To keeping busy and out of trouble.”
“Is that what you’re doing here? Keeping out of trouble?” Again, I sensed a glimmer of interest. “Or looking for a bit of it?”
I chuckled. “I guess it all depends on what kind of trouble.” I drank some of my beer.
As angry as I was with Dominic for the stupid things he’d said, and no matter my response, I had no intention of finding someone else—man or woman—to sleep with.
For whatever reason, that damn bastard happened to be the only one who did it for me.
Polaris took another sip. “Not all trouble needs to be bad.” He arched a sleek, dark brow.
That clinched it. If I gave him a sign, Jaxon Polaris would be glad to show me the way to his bedroom.
I could read his body language. Gotta give credit to a man who made his desire known.
Unfortunately for him, I was stuck on an asshole who drove me crazy with his one step forward, two steps back. But the heart wants what it wants.
“I’m sort of involved right now. It’s complicated.”
Disappointment radiated from his eyes, but he took it in stride. “Relationships usually are. That’s why I steer clear of them.”
“Sometimes they’re worth it.”
“I think so too,” Theo joined in, and I peered at him over my glass. “I mean…” He turned red. “It’s nice to have someone to come home to and not have to be alone.”
Polaris turned on the charm. “I didn’t say that. I’m rarely alone, but eventually they start nagging at you to meet the parents, have Sunday brunch with their best friend from high school…all that boring shit.”
“Sounds kind of fun to me,” Theo said wistfully. “I’d love to have someone who was interested only in me and wanted me to meet their friends.”
It was fascinating to see the opposite ends of the dating pool, and I wondered why the two of them hadn’t hooked up.
Theo was cute and sweet and had a good business in the bar.
Jaxon was a little older and a bit of a player, but from my dealings with him, I knew him to be a good lawyer and a decent guy. In my eyes, they’d make a nice couple.
I finished my beer, laughing to myself. How did I become the gay matchmaker of Appleton Falls? Especially considering I couldn’t figure out my own life.
I was debating whether to have another drink or go home, when my phone buzzed.
I’m sorry. I was wrong.
And just like that, the knot in my stomach loosened.
“Good news from your…friend?” Polaris asked.
“Huh?” My head jerked up, and I realized I’d been smiling. “What? Oh…yeah. I think I’d better go. Here, Theo.” I gave him enough for the drink and a tip.
“Thanks, Emerson. Hope it works out.”
“Thanks. I think it will.” I hurried outside to the parking lot to answer.
Come to mine? I waited for his response.
I have mini hot dogs here.
I snickered. I’ve got a big one at my house.
The response was immediate: Be there in less than ten.
I pulled up in front of my house and had only time to unlock the door before I spied Dominic’s car parked a few spots away. His tall, shadowy figure approached, and I waited for him on the porch.
“Hey,” I murmured, and he reached for me. “Not out here,” I reminded him and turned the knob, drawing him with me into the pitch-black house.
His mouth hit mine, and I dug my fingers into his shoulders and sucked his tongue, hungry for him and thankful we’d put aside our pride and stubbornness. He framed my face in his hands and met my eyes.
“There’s a lot of shit I’ve lived with for years because of my father, and I haven’t learned how to handle it. I sure as hell never thought I’d be sharing it with anyone else. It’s going to take me a minute to learn to let go and talk about it.”
“It’s okay.” I cupped his cheek and rubbed my thumb over his jaw. “I understand. And I shouldn’t have stormed out like a child having a tantrum. I’m not pressuring you to give it all up to me at once, but I hope you know I’ll be here to listen when you’re ready.”
The first fully unguarded smile I’d ever seen radiate from Dominic hit me like a gun recoil, and I was all in with him, whatever that might bring.
There was no doubt I wanted to be with him sexually, but this wild need to protect him from all the damage inflicted by his father came from a deeper place.
Somewhere pure, like freshly fallen snow on a path I’d yet to venture on but was ready to take my first step and make my mark.
“I want to learn about you too. Tell me, Emmy. Who are you really?”
I couldn’t wiggle out of this with a joke because it was too damn important. Years of waiting came to this moment, and as much as I’d scolded Dominic for his silence, I’d be a hypocrite if I refused to talk.
“Can we sit?” I took his hand and walked him to the couch, flicking on a light in the far corner that cast a dim glow. I continued to hold his hand. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything.” He frowned. “I want to not play games anymore. You said it before, and you’re right. It’s fun in public, but here, when it’s just you and me, we should be able to be honest.”
I dipped my head. “My father was a drug addict. He tried to rehabilitate but failed, then got caught up in a sting and was sentenced to prison. Got ten to twenty. My mother had divorced him because of the drugs and cut him out of our lives. I never knew about his problems until I was older.”
Dominic’s hand curved around my nape and held me. “Jesus. I’m sorry. That must’ve been rough on both of you.”
“Yeah. I mean, I love my mom, but she’s kind of overbearing and smothering. Her biggest fear was I’d fall in with the wrong crowd and start doing drugs myself. That’s why she made me come home after school every day. I had to stay with my aunt and wait for her to come home from work.”
“And I’m sure you weren’t allowed to go to any parties on the weekend,” Dominic sympathized.
I snorted, but the painful memories still stuck with me. “It’s not as if I was ever invited. You know that.”
He kissed the top of my head, leaving his lips buried in my hair. “Yeah. I’m sorry. That was stupid of me to say. And I’m sorry for all the shit that went down in high school.”
I settled into the crook of his neck as naturally as if we’d been lovers for years. “Thanks. It was hard being one of the kids people laughed about. I never saw you doing it, but your friends did.”
“Yeah. Friends,” he said, sarcasm bleeding through his words. “I haven’t seen or spoken to those guys since graduation. I don’t have any friends. It’s hard when you keep so much about your life secret.”
The prince of our high school lived in a prison of a kingdom and wore a tarnished crown.
“I understand more than you know.”
His arm tightened around me. “Tell me.”
So I did. I spoke of finally meeting my father and how he’d insisted he was innocent and hadn’t started doing drugs again.
That he’d been framed because he’d become a CI for the cops and found out some were taking bribes from the drug dealers.
I told Dominic how I’d visited him and we’d forged a relationship, but I couldn’t tell my mother.
“How often do you see him?”
My eyes burned. “He was killed in prison. Shanked by someone—maybe a setup. Snitches get stitches and all that. That’s what the tow-truck driver’s friend said to me when his buddy got arrested.”
Dominic pushed away from me, a thunderous expression on his face. “What the fuck, Emmy. You got threatened and didn’t say anything?”
I shrugged. “He’s nothing. What can he do to me?” I tugged at his arm. “Forget about it.”
Still angry, Dominic pulled me closer. “I’m really sorry about your dad.”
Unable to speak, I nodded.
“Hey.” Gentle fingers stroked my cheek. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”
I gave him a watery smile. “I’m okay. But that’s my story. I don’t talk about my father because it hurts. Yeah, he did some stupid things when he was young, but haven’t we all? And I lost out on a father, and my mom became this worried, overprotective person who wouldn’t let me out of her sight.”
“That must be part of the reason you moved up here, I’m thinking. As much as you love her, you needed the separation.”
God, it was freeing to talk to someone who understood. “Yeah. I try and see her for the holidays, but even then she keeps harping on stories she reads in the news about upstate becoming more dangerous.”
“Like your shooting.” An involuntary shiver ran through me, and Dominic nudged my cheek with his nose. “It still haunts you, doesn’t it?”
That choice of words…I nodded. “Yeah. You put it perfectly. Killing someone is never easy, even if he was about to shoot your partner. He was only a kid.”
Dominic wrapped his arms around me. “A kid who made poor life choices and paid the price. Jet would be dead if it wasn’t for your quick actions. Think of that. And did your mother find out?”
“Hell yeah, she did. I had to go to the city and spend a weekend with her to reassure her I was fine.”
“Still, it’s nice she loves you so much,” he mused wistfully.
“Your mother’s in Florida? Do you see her at all?”
“Not really. She and her husband travel a lot—he’s older and retired. I’m happy for her because Tom treats her great and she deserves it.”
“I hear a ‘but’ in your voice. What is it?” I urged and put a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t want to push you, but it helps to say the words out loud to someone else. It’s cathartic, you know?”
“That’s an SAT word, Emmy. I remember my vocabulary.” But he exhaled and laid his head on the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling.
“I don’t know it as fact, but I’m assuming she wants to erase all the bad memories of her past. We’ve never talked about what happened that night.
She married Tom and moved not long after that.
” His voice wobbled. “I’d never want to force her to see me—I don’t want to be a reminder of a terrible time.
All the years she put up with him because of fear.
She needs time to work through it all, and I’m giving it to her. She’s been through enough.”
Dominic was big and gruff and had that granite-faced image he loved to project to the world, but deep down we were all little kids yearning for love.
Hearing him so emotional about his mother keeping him at arm’s length broke me.
That impenetrable facade he’d erected was crumbling before me.
And I was ready and willing to help him pick up the pieces so he could rebuild that fortress, only this time with windows to allow light into his darkness and a door to let me through.
“So have you, Dominic. It’s one of the reasons you left the city, isn’t it?”
In a startling show of tenderness, he framed my face in his big hands, drawing our lips close. I could almost taste the words as he spoke. “One of them, yeah. Do you want to know the other?”
I nodded, my heart pounding in a wild rhythm.
“You, Emmy. I came to find where you were hiding.”