21. Myles
MYLES
I rub my cheek into Jax’s strong chest as the world around us comes back into focus.
What the actual fuck just happened?
One minute I’m coming back to my room after a shower and feeling sorry for myself while simultaneously chastising myself for even entertaining the idea that Jax could be my stalker. Now I’m cuddled up in Jax’s arms after having the best sex of my life with him.
“Are you with me?” he asks in a low, teasing voice.
“I think so.” I clear my throat. “That was…”
“Yes,” he agrees. “It was.”
I wait for him to untangle himself from me and get dressed now that I’m functional again, but he just rubs my back in a way that’s both soothing and possessive.
“I don’t understand what happened,” I tell him after a few beats of silence.
“What don’t you understand?”
He doesn’t sound exasperated or annoyed with me. That has to be a good sign, right?
“How any of this happened.”
I know I’m not making a lot of sense right then, but my brain is still scrambled from not just my orgasms, but also the big reveal that happened before the orgasms.
“What do you mean?” Now he sounds amused.
“Any of this. How you started observing me, how you, of all people, find me interesting. How we ended up like this.”
“I started observing you because you were helping someone kill Felix. He’s family, so a threat against him is a threat against me. Once we knew who you were, I started observing you to see if you willingly participated in what happened and if you were still a threat to us.”
“You didn’t do it because you were trying to find a way to take me out for what I did?”
“No.” He puts his fingers under my chin and tilts my face up so I’m looking at him.
“I would have if I thought you truly were a threat, but I went into this assuming you weren’t.
The backdoor you put in your code made me think that you were either asking for help or trying to help us catch the real threats by leaving us breadcrumbs.
” He brushes a soft kiss against my lips. “And I was right about both, wasn’t I?”
I nod, my head spinning with good feels and a mess of questions.
“How did you know about the code?” I ask. “Do you know the hacker who’s been fucking around in my system?”
He chuckles, his eyes bright with humor.
“You do know!” I accuse. “Who is it? I’ve been trying to nail that fucker for months, but he’s always a half step ahead of me.”
“You want to know?” he teases.
“Yes, dammit. Tell me before I lose my ever-loving mind.”
“My brother.”
The entire world goes quiet, and I’m rendered completely speechless.
Jax laughs at my stunned silence.
“Are you shitting me?” I shake my head. “You mean to tell me that I had no idea that one twin was stalking me and the other was hacking my system? I’ve been trying to figure out who you guys are for months, and no offense, but until I saw you disarm that guard today, I never would have guessed either of you could do those things. ”
I wince at how that sounds, but he just smiles.
“We’re pretty good at what we do,” he says mildly.
I snort-laugh. “You definitely are.”
“And to answer your next questions, I find you interesting because you are interesting. And we ended up like this because you’re mine.”
“You said that before,” I say hesitantly. “That wasn’t just sex talk?”
“Think of it this way,” he says in that same mildly amused tone. “Would I have told you that my brother and I are diagnosed psychopaths if you weren’t mine? Do you really believe I’d give you that kind of ammunition if you weren’t mine when no one outside of our family knows?”
My brain does the mental equivalent of a record scratch. I never thought of it like that, but he’s right. Why would he tell me that and reveal himself to me if he didn’t at least trust me and think of me as more than just the guy he’s stalking?
“I…I didn’t think of that.”
“Now do you believe me when I say I mean it, and you’re mine?”
I meet his eyes and nod.
He presses another soft kiss against my lips, and I can’t stop my sigh when he pulls back.
“Do you have to go?” I ask.
He shakes his head and kisses me again.
I want to ask him if he likes cuddling or if he enjoyed the gentler and more intimate version of sex as much as what we do when we’re in the woods, but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a moron.
I did some research on antisocial personality disorder and what makes someone a sociopath vs. a psychopath vs. someone who just falls under the umbrella term, but it didn’t really answer a lot of my questions.
He already told me he doesn’t fit into either description, and he doesn’t act how a lot of the literature I read described. He’s calm and calculating and strategic, and he’s also incredibly smart and fearless, but he seems to have real feelings of affection for his family.
Do people with no empathy enjoy cuddling? Do they like kissing and eye contact and the more intimate parts of sex? Or was he just doing that because it’s my birthday and he thinks that’s what I needed after what happened earlier?
“You’re looking at me like I’m a puzzle you’re trying to solve.” He gives me a sexy little smirk that makes my insides feel funny.
Jesus H. Christ, he’s gorgeous. Like, how does he just walk around being that hot all the time?
“Sorry,” I say quickly. “I was just thinking.”
“About?”
“It’s nothing.”
He raises one eyebrow in a look that says he clearly doesn’t believe me.
“Wait,” I say as something occurs to me. “If you and Jace know I was involved with what happened to Felix, does that mean Felix and Killian know too?”
He nods.
“And they’re together, right?”
He nods again.
“Then how am I still breathing if Killian knows what I did?” I ask incredulously. “And why the hell would Felix jump in front of a gun to protect me if I’m one of the reasons he almost died?”
“Because Felix isn’t like me or my cousins. He’s like you. He’s a good person who got wrapped up in some shit that wasn’t his fault. He never blamed you, especially not after we found out that you were being blackmailed. Same with Killer.”
“Killer?”
“It’s one of Killian’s nicknames.”
“That’s not hella intimidating or anything.”
“Killian didn’t blame you because you did what you could to help us. Your clues are what helped us figure out what was going on, and you saved Felix’s life when you didn’t have to.”
“I guess that makes sense. But I still don’t understand why Felix would risk his life for me.”
“It’s because he’s a good person,” he repeats and rubs my arm gently. “Do you want to talk about what happened this afternoon?”
“No.” I sigh. “I just want to forget it.”
He presses a soft kiss against my temple, and the simple, affectionate gesture makes me smile. “Would it make you feel better if I told you the guard got what he deserved?” he asks.
“Did he get fired?”
“Yes, but that’s not all he got.”
I look up at him, and the intense look in his eyes from earlier is back. “Did you do something to him?”
“Would it bother you if I did?”
I shake my head as a smile tugs at my lips.
“I showed him what happens when you threaten someone who belongs to me.”
“Is he still breathing?”
“Yes.”
“Is he in one piece?”
“Define one piece.”
I grin. “There has to be something really fucked up with me that the idea of you doing terrible things to him makes me happy.”
“Are you happy that I took care of things, or that he was taken care of?” he asks.
“Two things can be true.”
He huffs out a soft laugh. “There’s nothing wrong with you. If he’s going to stick a gun in your face because he’s on a power trip, then he deserves to pay for it. Being happy he got what he deserves doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” I rest my cheek on his firm chest and try to cover up the little sigh of contentment that escapes my lips.
I’ve never really cuddled with anyone before, and never as the little spoon. I didn’t think I’d like it, but I was wrong. Being wrapped up in his arms like this is almost as good as the sex. Hopefully he thinks so too, because I’d hate to be the only one enjoying this.
“Tell me about what happened when he pointed that gun at you,” he says. There’s a firmness to his voice that’s not quite a command, but close enough that the urge to obey him kicks in anyway.
“I froze,” I say softly. “I was texting with my friend, and the next thing I knew, he was freaking out and pointing the gun at me. Then you guys intervened, and I stayed frozen like a statue while you took care of things.”
“Why did you say you froze like it’s a bad thing?”
“Because it is?” I look up at him. “I almost pissed myself because he pointed a gun at me while Felix and Killian both jumped in front of me without a second thought, and you disarmed him like you do that on the regular. Then that back and forth you and Jace did made him and the other rent-a-cops run away and hide when they were the only ones with weapons.”
“Not the only ones,” Jax interjects. “But the only ones with visible weapons.”
“I know that should scare me, but it doesn’t.”
“It’s always best to be prepared,” he says casually. “But circling back to what you said.” His tone is serious again. “You froze because that’s a normal human reaction to having a gun pointed at you.”
“You didn’t freeze.”
“Because it wasn’t pointed at me.”
“And if it was?”
“I wouldn’t freeze,” he concedes. “But I’m also not normal. I don’t react to things the same way as other people, so you can’t judge yourself based on what I do.”
“Felix is pretty normal, and he didn’t freeze,” I point out.
“He also just dealt with multiple attempts on his life,” he reminds me. “It’s desensitized him to that sort of thing.”
“I suppose.”
“Did what happen trigger memories from when you were kidnapped?”
I lift my head and stare at him. “You know about that?”
He nods.
“How?” I ask. “I wiped all the records and sealed the police file.”
“Xave found a hard copy of an article in your student file. He showed it to me and Jace, and Jace found the police record.”