26. Myles
MYLES
The moment Jax wraps me up in his strong arms is when I finally feel like I can breathe again. It’s done, it’s over, and he’s safe.
Everyone is safe.
Well, the asshats who abducted me aren’t, but everyone who matters is.
I can hear Jace and Killian dispersing whatever crowd has gathered around us, but I ignore everyone as I sink into the comfort of Jax’s hug.
“I love you,” I whisper in his ear.
He stiffens, but I just kiss his neck and hold him tighter.
“I know you can’t say it back, but I don’t care,” I tell him, my voice shaking with emotion under my whispered words.
“All I could think while I was hiding from them was that I could die without telling you how I feel, and I refuse to hold it in anymore because not telling you is so much scarier than actually saying it.”
Jax doesn’t say anything, but the way he tightens his hold on me to the point one of my ribs cracks and pulls in a long, deep breath, like he’s breathing me in and trying to memorize my scent, tells me that he heard me, and he understands what I was trying to say.
“You’d better get him out of here,” Xave says as he comes up to us. “We’ll handle the cleanup and get the answers we need.”
Jax slowly lets me go and tucks me against his side, his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders.
Xave slips a set of keys in Jax’s pocket and gives me a crooked grin. “You did good back there, kid,” he says and holds my knife out to me.
I take the folded blade, a weird flush creeping over my cheeks.
It feels weird to be proud of stabbing someone, but I am. I did what Jax told me, and I’m still standing while that asshole is bleeding on the ground.
My stomach clenches as the reality that I might have killed him hits, but before I can look back to see if he’s still breathing, Jax leads me away from the carnage.
We stop in front of a sleek black and red Bugatti Chiron that’s parked close to where everything went down. Jax brings me to the passenger side and pulls open the butterfly door so it slides up and I can climb in.
The inside of the car is just as impressive as the outside, with big bucket seats and custom leather interior, and I can feel more of the tension leaving me as Jax slides into the driver’s seat and starts the car.
The inside lights up with what I’m assuming is a custom light kit, but Jax turns them off with the push of a button.
He doesn’t say anything as he puts the car in gear and pulls away from the curb.
I’m expecting him to turn right and head toward Boone House when we reach the first intersection, but he takes a left toward Hamilton House.
The drive is silent, but not uncomfortable, and I’m actually relaxed when he pulls into the lot behind the dorm.
Once we’re both out of the car, Jax takes my hand and leads me to the back entrance and right to the rear elevator.
We don’t say anything as we wait for it but given how Jax is holding my hand so tightly my fingers are starting to go numb, I know his silence doesn’t mean he’s indifferent to what happened.
When we’re finally in his room, Jax hauls me against him and gives me another bone-crushing hug.
I sink into it and soak up the comfort he’s offering me.
“I think I love you too,” he says, and it’s the first time I’ve ever heard him sound unsure of himself.
“And if what I’m feeling isn’t love, then it’s the closest to it that I can feel.
” He blows out a breath and lifts his head so he can look at me.
“You’re not just mine, Myles. You’re a part of me.
You’re the piece I didn’t know was missing. ”
I swallow the lump in my throat and offer him a wobbly smile. “For someone who can’t feel emotions the same way as me, that was the sweetest and most meaningful thing you could have said.”
His kiss is soft and sweet and so full of affection and promise that my knees go weak and my head spins from all the good feels flooding me.
When he finally pulls away, I’m sure I look like a starry-eyed mess as I gaze up at him adoringly.
“Do you need to sit down?” he asks.
I nod, suddenly exhausted as the reality that it’s over and I’m safe finally hits.
Jax brings me to the couch and sinks down on one of the plush cushions. I start to sit next to him, but he pulls me onto his lap so I’m sitting sideways and he can wrap his arms around me while I lean against his firm body.
“Does it bother you that I might not be able to love you the same way you love me?”
“No.” I nuzzle my cheek against his. “I think you can love people in your own way, and that’s enough for me.”
“In my own way?” He strokes my arm.
“Yeah. Like you love Jace, that’s just a fact.
It might not look or feel like the kind of love people are used to seeing between siblings or twins, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
The same with your cousins and your family.
The intense need you have to protect them and make sure they’re safe.
How you’d lay down your life for them without a second thought.
The way you show them who you really are because you know they’ll always accept you.
That’s love. You’re just processing it differently because you’re different. ”
He makes a thoughtful sound. “I feel all of those things for you too, but there’s something that makes you different from them.”
“What’s that?”
“You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel afraid.”
“Really?”
“When I turned around and saw that I was too late and that guy was already on you,” he says softly. “I felt something I’ve never experienced, and I’m pretty sure it was fear. I was afraid that I’d lost you.”
I try not to grin like a fool at his words. It might not be a declaration of love, but coming from Jax, it means so much more than those three simple words I said to him earlier.
I’ve already come to terms with the fact that Jax will never be a typical boyfriend, and all the things that society told me were important, like flowery words and grand gestures of affection, are never going to be part of my life.
But I’ve also come to realize that none of those things matter or mean anything if there isn’t something real behind them.
Of all the people in the world, Jax chose me.
A man who’s never wanted anyone, never even been interested in someone, and is incapable of forming superficial attachments to people feels all those things for me.
He might not be what other people are looking for, and definitely isn’t what I thought I wanted, but he’s mine, and I’m not going to let something as stupid as my preconceived notions of what a relationship or love is supposed to look like ruin the most real thing that’s ever happened to me.
“How did you find me?” I ask. “And when did you get back?”
“Our dad canceled on us, and we got back to our room about five minutes before the power failure. I checked the cameras when we realized it was a campus-wide blackout and saw those assholes drag you out of your room.”
I shiver involuntarily at the memories and snuggle closer to him.
“We were able to track them when the power came back on and Jace could link into the security cams.” He gently brushes his fingers through my hair. “But we didn’t find you. You found us. How did you escape?”
“I did what you and Jace told me to do and waited for them to drop their guard and fuck up. Once I saw my chance, I took it and ran.” I catch his hand and press a quick kiss into his palm.
“It was too dark to run through the woods, so I kept to the edges since they were too scared to follow me. I figured it was best to keep them in sight so I could get as much information as possible, then figure out a way to safely get my phone from my room so I could text Killian and Xave.”
I chew on my lip for a few beats. “Did I kill that guy?” I ask softly, my heart skipping a beat.
“I don’t know,” he says. “But even if he does die, you know he deserved it, right?”
“I know. And I don’t feel bad if he is dead, I’m just not sure how I feel about being the one who did it.”
“Do you feel guilty?”
“Yes, but not for the reasons I should. I feel guilty because I don’t feel bad about any of it.
If I did kill someone, even if they deserved it, shouldn’t I feel at least a little bad?
And what does that say about me that I only feel guilt at my lack of guilt and not at the fact that I might have killed someone? ”
“It means you know what you did was right, and you’re not going to punish yourself for doing what needed to be done.
You might think that’s a moral failing or that it means something’s wrong with you, but to me, it just means that your logical side understands and your emotions are at peace with it. ”
I mull that over in my head for a few moments. He’s right, and knowing that helps clear the last of my guilt as more of that exhausted calm settles over me.
I have no idea how long we sit like that, but the loud crash of the door flying open makes me jump a mile, and the only reason I don’t fall right off Jax’s lap is because he’s still holding onto me like he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he loosens his grip at all.
“Sorry about that, bro and non-bio bro,” Jace says as he comes into the room. “Didn’t mean to scare the bejeezus out of you.”
“What the fuck happened?” I ask before I can stop myself.
When we left him earlier, the only physical sign of his involvement in an altercation was his slightly messy hair. Now the front of his hoodie has dark stains on it, and there’s a fine splatter of blood over his neck and smears of it on his hands.
“Don’t you worry about me, kiddo.” He winks and goes to his desk to pull out a pack of wet wipes. “Things just got a bit messy while I was getting answers. I’m right as rain.”
“Are any of them still breathing?” I ask dubiously.
“All of them,” he says regretfully.
“Even the one I stabbed?”
“Well, Jax also shot him, so even if he did croak, it wouldn’t have been just your fault,” Jace points out as he pulls a few of the wipes free.