Chapter 30
SUTTON
This has been the longest day of my life. Lila asked for space and promised to talk to me tonight so I resist the urge to text or call her despite how badly I want to. I need to know I haven’t lost her.
This is the day I’ve looked forward to for so long and all I can think about is her. After I finish moving the last of my things, I spend some time putting the finishing touches on the dollhouse Amos and I found in the shed.
My plan is to give it to her for Christmas. I want her to have it no matter how things turn out between us. Amos said it was her favorite thing growing up until he destroyed it. I found a picture online of the original and it’s taken a lot of work, but I’ve succeeded in restoring it.
I haven’t heard from Amos, and while I’m still pissed about him telling Lila out of spite, I do feel a little guilty. We’ve been friends forever. I should’ve told him earlier. Just like I should’ve told Lila the truth about my wilder days.
Being with Lila has made me realize I’ve never been in love before. I thought I was, and I’ve gone through some breakups that hurt, but I’ve never felt anything like this. Not even close. It’s like she’s holding me hostage while I pray she’ll decide to never let me free.
My heart races when I hear her car pull into the driveway and I step out into my yard.
This wasn’t how I envisioned things going my first night in my new house.
I wanted to make her dinner, tell her how lucky I am to have her, fuck her nice and slow in front of my fireplace, then carry her to my bed.
Instead, I’m holding my breath that she isn’t going to tell me to go to hell. Even if she cares about me, she’s so beholden to her family. Amos is going to be in her ear about what a bastard I am for sure.
Dusty dives through her door as soon as she opens it.
I’m happy to see she’s brought him and that her bag is slung over her shoulder like she plans to stay.
Big, fat snowflakes begin to fall. She pauses to look up into the night sky and I’m nearly knocked off my feet by how beautiful she is in that moment. The subtle joy on her face.
I’m not sure what to expect when I walk to meet her. Before I can say a word, she throws her arms around me. She hugs me tight, and I cradle her head to my chest as she says, “I hated today. I don’t want to fight with you.”
The unbearable tension that’s gripped me since last night loosens. My body relaxes as I hold her, running my hand through her hair. “Me too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
Nodding, she moves back a little and touches my face. She raises up on her tiptoes to press soft, cool lips to mine for a few seconds. Tears spill down her cheeks. “I’m in love with you, too.”
The words nearly knock me off my feet. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.” I pull her back into my arms. “It’s going to be alright.”
“I know.” She steps back and looks me in the eye. “But we still need to talk.”
“We do. Come in. It’s freezing out here.” I take her hand and call to Dusty, who’s darting around, snapping at the snowflakes.
“He’s crazy,” she laughs, and calls him again. He reluctantly gives up his game and follows us inside. Lila joins me in the living room while I build a fire, and Dusty settles down on the dog bed I bought him in the corner.
“Have you had dinner? Are you hungry?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“I haven’t had much appetite today.”
I know how she feels. “Me either. I missed you.” We sit on my new couch and I get right to it. “I want to tell you what happened that night with the car.”
She nods. “I assumed there was more to it.”
“Not anything that excuses me, but I want you to know why I used to get in so much trouble.”
She kicks off her shoes and tucks her feet beneath her. “I’m listening.”
It’s not an easy thing to talk about. I’ve always been ashamed even though I know I shouldn’t be. “I stole the car, but not for the fun or the thrill. Mom and I needed it to sleep in.”
She blinks, her lips parting, but she doesn’t interrupt.
“We were homeless off and on since I was fourteen. You know my dad died before I was born. Mom held things together as long as she could but she lost her job for missing work when she injured her back. We got evicted. She could only manage part time work with her injury, but she wouldn’t let me drop out because she didn’t want it to screw up my future.
So I worked part time jobs when I could get them after school while she worked half days as a receptionist and did some housekeeping on the side. ”
Lila moves closer to me, slipping her hand into mine as she tries to digest what I’m telling her.
“We made it work, sometimes staying in our car, sometimes in a hotel or someone’s house temporarily.
Until that day. Mom got into a car accident while I was at school.
She wasn’t hurt, but the car was totaled.
We only had enough money to stay one night in a hotel and we were going to be on the street.
So I stole the car from a parking lot downtown.
I’d noticed it had been there for weeks and thought it might not be missed, at least not quickly.
It was stupid, but all I could think about was where we were going to sleep. ”
“Jesus, Sutton, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t feel sorry for me. Things worked out in the end, but I’m sorry that Amos got dragged into it.
He was a good friend back then. He kept my secret.
He helped us with food sometimes. I did a lot of shit I’m not proud of but it was for survival.
That night, Mom was working, cleaning a house for this long haul trucker.
Amos asked if I wanted to go to a party and I picked him up.
He knew I stole the car, but he saw it as exciting, I guess.
The same way he thought it was cool when I shoplifted. ”
She lets out a huge sigh. “Because he could afford to take the risk. He had a house to come home to and a parent that could save him.”
“Anyway, when we got pulled over, he didn’t hesitate. He told me to switch seats, that his mom would bail him out and it’d be fine.”
“But he got locked up for three months,” Lila finishes.
Guilt settles over me again and I can’t look at her.
“I felt awful about it. I really did. But I knew he’d be out and back home like nothing ever happened.
With no adult record. If I did time, I’d never be able to pull me or Mom out of our situation.
I didn’t think it’d ruin his life the way it would mine. ”
Lila puts her hand on my chin, turning my head to make me face her. “It didn’t ruin his life. He came out with an expunged record and every opportunity that he always had. He even graduated on time. Taking the blame might be the only thing I’ve ever respected him for doing.”
“He saved me in that moment,” I agree. “Which is why I couldn’t say no when he wanted to move in with me as soon as he turned eighteen. I owed him.”
“Yes, but you don’t owe him forever. It’s enough now. He has to decide who he’s going to be, the same way you did.”
I pull her into my lap. She lays her head on my shoulder and asks, “What happened after the cops took Amos and the car?”
“They let me go because he swore he took it and I didn’t know it was stolen.
I walked back to the house where Mom was cleaning and told her everything.
The guy who lived there overheard us. He offered us a place to stay.
He and Mom got together in the first week of us living there.
He paid for her back surgery and she was a lot better.
As soon as I graduated, I got a job as a flagger on the road crew.
A month later, I got my own apartment and saved every extra cent I could to buy my own place. ”
“And now you have,” she says. “And I hope your mom is as proud of you as I am.”
“How did I end up with someone so understanding and sweet?” I murmur, kissing her forehead.
“By kissing me stupid in a bar then fucking me into a thoughtless puddle.”
“Ah, that’s right. Now I remember.”
She plays with my hand in her lap. “If there’s anything else you’ve been keeping from me, now’s the time.”
With a deep breath, I nod. “Okay, there’s one more thing.”
Sitting up, she looks me in the eye.
“You know when Dusty dropped the cup in the toilet? He didn’t. The lid was closed. None of them were ever in the toilet.”
The worry drops off her face and she slaps my chest. “You asshole!”
“Wait, you have to see this from my point of view.”
A grin climbs across her face and her eyebrows raise as she crosses her arms. “Go ahead. Defend yourself.”
“It was just…so funny.”
She can’t restrain her amused expression as she shakes her head. “You’re an awful person. Do you know that?”
“Yes, but you love me.”
“Maybe I should rethink that,” she jokes.
“Nope, too late. You love me. Just look at you, all over me. You love me so much I’m almost embarrassed for you.”
My teasing is stopped by her next words. “Are you going to fuck me in front of that fire or what?”
Amos better get used to the idea, because I’m going to marry this woman.
Other than a scathing message her mother left the day after Amos walked in on us, Lila hasn’t heard from her family for a week.
It’s been a wonderful, peaceful time where we’ve both settled into our new living arrangements.
We still spend every night together, sometimes at her place and sometimes at mine.
The peace is broken on Saturday when Lila’s mother leaves another voicemail.
“Mom wants us all to meet. To try to smooth things over,” Lila says as we’re finishing lunch at her apartment. Reluctance is clear in her voice.
“What do you think?”
“Everyone has had some time to cool down. It’s probably a good idea. But I’m not going to sit there and be lectured. If it gets ugly, we can leave. I don’t care.”
She does care though, and I hope they can at least pretend they do too. “We’ll storm out together,” I assure her. “Do they want to have dinner or something?”
“No, she asked if we can come to her apartment.”