70. Chloe
CHAPTER SEVENTY
CHLOE
NOW
Warmth surrounds my aching body as I’m dragged from my peaceful dreams.
I spent so many years trapped in a revolving door of nightmares, but each night I spend in their arms is like they never existed.
They don’t have the same hold on me as they did before, not now that I truly feel safe again.
Kingston presses a soft kiss to the top of my head, and I look up from where I’m resting on his chest. “Hey, Mama,” he murmurs.
“Have you been to sleep?” I yawn.
“No, I didn’t want to miss a moment of this.”
“Of my snoring?” I giggle.
“No, of having you in my arms like this. I spent years preparing my life for you, imagining what it would feel like when you were finally mine, and now that it’s here, I don’t want to waste a single second.”
My lips part but snap shut again when no words slip out.
I’ve never been rendered speechless so much in my life as I have been recently, and it’s all thanks to the four of them.
“I spent so many years planning and plotting, building what I thought was your dream life, but I should have stopped to ask what it is that you want. Will you tell me now?”
A smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I lay my head back on his chest, the steady thump of his heart the perfect background noise while I allow myself to imagine a future I never dared to hope for.
“I’d like a big house on a decent plot of land where I can have animals. Not a farm or anything, but just a couple of goats, maybe some chickens.”
A rough chuckle rumbles through his chest. “I can just imagine Ryker chasing around a herd of wayward hens.”
I scoff at the visual, but it just makes me want it more. “I want a dog and maybe some cats. And I’d like to go back to school. I don’t know what I want to do, but it just feels like something I need to do. For me, and for my parents.”
The admission falls from my lips, a thought I’ve kept to myself all these years.
“I used to feel like I was failing them by hiding away. They were so full of life and love, and it felt like I was doing them a disservice by spending my life too scared to truly live. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I want to make sure they didn’t die in vain.”
Kingston presses a kiss to my temple, his arms tightening around me almost to the point of pain, but it’s what I need right now. “They would be so proud of you, Chloe. You were their greatest accomplishment.”
A tear falls against my cheek, my heart clenching painfully at the grief that still lives within me.
I don’t think you ever recover from losing a parent, regardless of the circumstances of their death, but watching them die in front of me, watching them be tortured for days on end, I’ll never be able to get those images from my mind.
“I know, but I want to live life for them as well, because they never got the chance.”
“What else do you see in your future, Mama? Marriage? Kids? Or just a houseful of animals and a handful of lethal men that will do anything for you?”
“Would it be okay if that’s all I wanted?” I whisper, my voice trembling as I ask the one question I should have asked before I allowed all of this to get so out of hand.
“Chloe, you could tell me you wanted to open a zoo, and I would make it happen. You could tell me all you want for the future is to eat ice cream and watch shitty reality shows, and I would do everything in my power to make that a reality. If you don’t want to get married, if you don’t want kids, then that’s the end of it.
You are my priority always, and giving you everything you’ve ever wanted is all that matters to me. ”
Pressing my eyes closed, I desperately reach for my composure. “I don’t know that I’ll be able to get pregnant again. The first time was a miracle, and I don’t want to rest my future happiness on the shoulders of it happening again.”
“That makes sense.”
“And I don’t know about marriage. Our situation is…complicated, and I wouldn’t be able to choose between you as to who I would legally tie myself to. So it might just be easier if we don’t go down that route at all.”
“You don’t have to decide right now, Mama. We can revisit it down the road, and if you still don’t want to get married to any of us, then we’ll table it.”
I bite down on the inside of my cheek to settle the emotions rolling through my chest. “How can you be so sure all of this is going to work out?”
“Because I’ve seen the way those guys look at you. I’ve seen the panic when you’re in pain and adoration when you do something simple like sing in the shower. And I’ve spent a decade dreaming about making you mine. There’s not a single thing on this earth that could stop me from keeping you.”
I press a kiss to the skin above his heart, reveling in the steady beat beneath my lips, and for the first time in years, I allow myself to believe in the future.