Chapter 17
Against All Odds
“Back to Black” plays through my headphones.
I have been lying in my bed staring at the ceiling since we arrived home, a million thoughts rummaging through my head after that terrifying car chase and what we witnessed after.
I can’t believe Commissioner Sedgwick is dead.
Did my brother do it? Or was he in one of the cars chasing after us and is now dead on the side of the road as well?
It’s all too awful to process. I don’t want to see him again after what he did to me, but I don’t want him dead either.
The car ride home was deadly quiet. I was dying to ask Jagger if he was okay, but Asher attempted and got his head bitten off, so I guess the answer was a big fat no.
As much as he tried to deny it, in the past Olivia meant something to him.
And when he left her there stranded on the side of the road, there was no way he thought he would find her dead when we got back to her. He was shocked and hurting.
There is one thing for sure, after what Dante has gotten up to the past twenty-four hours, if he’s not dead, my family isn’t going to give up on getting me back.
I have tried running, tried hiding, so there is really only one thing left to do.
Give in and go home before anyone else ends up with a bullet between their eyes.
I can’t let the boys die because of me. I’m not worth it.
A heavy tap comes at the door. I reluctantly glance over to find Cruz leaning into the doorway, his hair swept off his face, still wet from a recent shower. “Food,” he mouths.
I shove my headphones down to my neck, not bothering to switch off the song. “I’m not hungry, you guys eat without me.”
He moves into my room and plonks down on the bed beside me. Taking my hand in his, he laces our fingers together. “Hiding away from us isn’t going to make you feel any better.”
I chew the dried skin on my bottom lip. He’s right, nothing will make this pain better. I’ve seen too much. I was a sheltered little princess, and now I’m nothing, no one, a dead girl who’s not dead. Everything is upside down and inside out, and I can’t face them.
He brushes my hair out of my eyes. “You haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
My stomach grumbles, telling me it’s true. “How can you eat after today? I’m sick to my stomach.”
He lifts a shoulder. “We’re all still here, what is there to feel sick over?” He seems genuinely perplexed by my question. A detachment only a true psychopath could have.
I move to sitting up, cuddling my legs into my chest, an emptiness sinking its way under my skin. “But an innocent woman died.”
“Was she innocent, though? Your family wouldn’t have been able to blackmail her if there weren’t a few skeletons in her closet. She did something she was trying to cover up, you know it as well as I do.”
“She didn’t deserve to die,” I whisper, my eyes filling with fresh tears.
He stands and scoops me up in his arms like a baby, pulling me in so close to his chest I know there is no escaping him. I’m too weak to even try. Then he marches from the room on a mission.
“What are you doing?” I complain.
“You won’t hear reason, so I’m making sure you eat.”
“Just leave me be, Cruz,” I mutter, my body practically turning to jelly in his arms.
He glares down at me, a look of determination on his face. “No, if you have too much alone time you’ll start to overthink everything. This shit will eat you up inside. You need us to lighten the load, even if you don’t think you do.”
As we get closer to the kitchen, the scent of something spicy and kind of delicious-smelling drifts down the hall. “At least let me walk on my own.”
He lets me slide down to standing but grabs my hand tightly as he drags me through the hall and into the living and kitchen space.
It’s like he thinks if he lets go, I’ll run back to my room and lock myself away again.
I couldn’t be bothered now that I’m in here already, and whatever it is they have for dinner does smell enticing.
Once we make it to the kitchen, he takes up a couple of plates, of what I don’t know, little hard sandwiches?
And passes one to me. I pull a face as I inspect it more closely and see lettuce and tomato and ground meat in a hard shell. “What is it?”
“My specialty.” He grins at me, all proud of himself. “You’re serious, you’ve never had a taco before?”
I shake my head. “It smells good.” I shrug.
“If you like the smell, the taste is going to blow your fucking mind.” He chuckles lightheartedly, making it all seem so normal. Making their life seem trivial or something. How do they just go on like normal after what happened?
His light mood is so carefree that it finally brings a smile to my face. Maybe he’s right and I do need them to pull me out of the dark haze I was falling into. “If you say so.”
“Come on, the boys are chilling in front of the TV and they miss you.”
“I’m sure they don’t.” I follow him into the living room, taking a seat on the empty three-seater cross-legged with the plate on my lap, wondering how I stop all the filling from falling back onto my plate.
Jagger’s full focus is on the reality show playing, but Asher glances my way and offers a lop-sided smile.
Their food was clearly devoured already, their empty plates discarded on the coffee table beside a couple of open beer bottles.
Cruz plonks down next to me, digging straight into his. I watch as he collects the thing up and shoves it in his mouth, not caring that it makes an awful mess as he goes. So that’s how you do it. You just go for it.
“Oh, fuck off, Abby,” Asher yells at the television screen.
I turn my attention to the show playing for us, to see a couple of women in a dance studio. “What on earth are you watching?”
“Dance Moms,” Cruz answers for Asher who is engrossed in what looks like a cat fight between two grown women.
“Dance Moms?” I ask, confused. What is Dance Moms, and why would they be into it?
“Ash has shit taste in entertainment.” Cruz laughs, shoving his second taco in his mouth, the juices running down the sides of his lips. He licks them clean then winks at me like it’s something else he’s imagining licking.
I flick my attention back to the scene playing out.
It moves on to a dance performance on a stage, with flashy costumes and all.
There are snippets of a group of pre-teen girls dancing routines, but the main focus seems to be on the bitchy scowls of the women sitting in the audience.
God knows I love dance, but this looks bizarre.
“Sorry, Ash, I think I have to agree with Cruz, this looks ridiculous.”
That breaks his attention. “No way, once you start watching you’ll be just as addicted as we are. You get sucked into their stories. We all hate Abby, she’s a mega bitch to the girls who dance for her studio. You’ll see.”
Cruz points at his brothers as if to tell me it’s them that have this opinion, not him.
This whole time Jagger has been fixed on the show, but he doesn’t even look like he’s watching.
He looks strange, like he’s in a daze. And I think sad, maybe.
My heart sinks for him. I was a little jealous of Olivia before today because I felt like she got a part of him I never will.
But now that she’s gone it feels completely unjust. Even if they did have something in the past, he left her there today to try and save me.
And now she’s dead. Maybe he feels guilty or maybe it’s more complicated than that.
“Don’t like tacos?” Asher points to my full plate.
I look the thing over again. “Um, I’m not sure.”
“You need me to feed you, baby?” Cruz grins cheekily, and I know he’s up for it.
I glare at him. “No, Cruz. I can feed myself.” I quickly pick up one of the shells and bite into it, munching as the flavors of the spicy meat and salad all mix together. It’s a delicious combination, fresh and fiery at the same time. I wipe my mouth. “It’s not bad.”
“Not bad! It’s fucking delicious,” Cruz corrects me.
Asher laughs. “You better tell him it’s as good as Jagger’s dinners, it’s the only thing Cruz can make.”
Cruz throws him a filthy look. “It’s not the only thing.”
“Scrambling eggs and throwing down some bacon doesn’t count, baby bro.”
Cruz grimaces back at him.
“They’re good, Cruz, I’m impressed.” I take another bite, showing him how delicious I think they are since it seems like a big deal to him.
Truth is, tonight I could be eating cardboard and I wouldn’t know.
All I can think of is how much I need to absorb this moment, memorize every little detail for the lonely nights when I’m back in Italy married off to Leone.
Tears well in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.
I’m lucky because I know what it feels like to fall in love now.
A concept I never would have entertained even a short time ago.
This love may not have a happy ever after, but the memories of what I shared with these boys will stay with me forever.
When I finish my food, I stand, and collecting my plate and the others, I take them into the kitchen and fill the dishwasher.
Then I move to stand by the glass bifold window, staring out into the night and over the outdoor patio.
I already know they will never let me leave this place without one of them at my side.
If I tell them what I’m thinking, they will tighten my leash.
I have to do this on my own. I just don’t know how with all the extra-tight security in this place.
“What are you looking at?” comes Jagger’s deep voice from just behind me, making me jump in surprise.
I spin back to find him just a step away from me. “Nothing,” I mutter. “Sometimes I just like staring into the night. Makes me feel like anything is possible.”
He huffs. “Weren’t looking for an escape?”
“Not this time,” I answer quickly, wondering if this man has some hidden superpower for reading minds.
He reaches out and takes my chin in between his fingers. “Not funny.”
I sigh heavily, the weight of knowing I have to save them bearing down on me. “You can’t keep me forever, Jagger, we both know we’re running out of time.”
His stare intensifies. There’s a deadness to it that sends a shiver down my spine. “Whatever fucked-up idea you have spiraling through that pretty head, forget it. I’m not giving you up for fucking anything.”
My bottom lip trembles because I know how serious he is and how dangerous it is for both of us. “They’re going to kill you.”
“They have to catch me first.”
“Jagger, I don’t want any of you to die because of me. I’m not worth it.” Our eyes lock, a silence hanging heavy between us that’s killing me.
“Some other motherfucker isn’t getting his hands on you. I don’t care if we all have to fucking skip town and hide out in Antarctica until he fucking forgets you ever existed. I will go to the end of the earth and back to keep you safe, to keep you for myself.”
A stray tear tumbles down my cheek. I want to swipe it away, but with the tight way his fingers are gripping my chin, there’s no room to even try.
I stare into the depths of his black soul, and I know it doesn’t matter what I say, he won’t hear me.
His mind is made up. “Jagger,” I whimper, not sure what else to do.
“You’re staying with me tonight.”
“What?” I ask, not because I didn’t hear him or understand the sentence he said but because I don’t understand the meaning.
His lips contort, twisting menacingly. “Do you really think I’m stupid, flower?
I can read your mind and body, you’re about to run.
You think you’re saving us. It’s sweet really, but it’s not going to fucking happen.
I’ll chain you to my bed if I have to.” His eyes run down my face, a chill coming over me with his intensity. “Forever.”
“You can’t say stuff like that,” I whisper. The threat in his tone was too real. I try to step back but hit the cold glass door. “You want so badly to protect me, but what about what I want? Why don’t I get to protect you three?”
“We don’t need your act of bravery. I’m not sending you back to a lifetime of suffering so we can walk free.” His hands grip my waist as he lifts me and presses my back into the glass door, his large frame coming in between my legs as he holds me in place, our bodies impossibly close.
“But they know I’m alive, this charade won’t stand up anymore.
What the hell are we supposed to do next?
” Like this I can stare deep into his dark eyes and pretend there isn’t a big bad world out there just waiting to swallow me up.
Pretend everything he says is true and he can save me from my reality.
Tentatively I reach a hand up to touch the side of his face.
He flinches away with a scowl but doesn’t put me down.
I push my fingers through his surprisingly soft hair, roughly tugging at the ends.
“Did I say you could touch me?” His voice is a low growl.
I meet my eyes with his, challenging him to stop me as I trail my fingertips down his neck and shoulder, then bring them back to his neck, gripping him tighter. “If you don’t want my hands on you, stop me.”
His eyes narrow. “Brat.”
“Controlling asshole,” I throw right back at him. I’m in no mood to be pushed around tonight.
His lips twist menacingly. “If that’s what you want.
” He tosses me over his shoulder so my ass is in the air.
He marches from the kitchen space and toward the living room where the others are.
I have no idea why I thought he was going to take me up to his room and screw me until I agreed with all his messed-up ideas around my security.
“Jagger, put me down,” I cry, trying to wiggle free of his domineering hold. The last thing I need is the three of them ganging up on me tonight when I’m feeling so fragile.
That only makes him grip me tighter, his rough fingertips biting into my thighs.
“Nope.” He tosses me down on the sofa, looming over me in a way that makes my breath catch, all powerful and dominant.
What the hell does he want with me? I can feel both Cruz and Asher’s eyes on me, but I don’t dare look away from Jagger.
One of the other boys turns off the TV, and then the silence is so heavy I can hear his ragged breathing. “Our girl needs to be taught a very important lesson,” he tells them, sending a shiver down my spine.