Chapter 8
SPENCER
This was bad. This was so fucking bad. This was maybe the worst thing that had happened in the history of the universe.
Or maybe that was a little self-centered.
But whatever. Spencer was finally getting a Friday night alone with Noah and Chase—no professor boyfriends, no parties, no extra hangers-on—and he couldn’t enjoy it at all because he was guilty. As. Fuck.
Bro code? Broken. Best bestie in the world? Betrayed.
It should have been just the roomies hanging out after the first week of the semester, no troubles, no worries except for who was going to kick whose ass at video games.
Except Spencer had fucked Noah’s brother. And also sucked him and jerked him and fingered him and basically done almost everything a person could do in a sexual context.
He hadn’t eaten Ash’s ass though. Maybe next time.
And, oh yeah, he’d kissed Ryder. Which probably wasn’t as big of a deal, since the alpha wasn’t technically related to the Tellers, but it still seemed to cross some major line.
“Pizza?”
Spencer stared blankly at Chase. The beta was in the doorway, with Noah leaning against the wall nearby, and they were both looking at Spencer like his head was on backward.
They were handsome fucking men, Spencer’s best buds. Noah had his broad build and sunshine smile and loose blond surfer curls, and Chase had his pretty face and bright-green eyes and perfect Disney prince hair he was always hiding under his ever-present baseball cap.
The three of them had connected at freshman orientation, forming an almost instant bond, and Spencer had never been more grateful for anything in his life.
Fucking Noah’s brother was a terrible way to show his gratitude, wasn’t it?
Spencer was on the couch with his elbows on his knees, and the damn things wouldn’t stop bouncing no matter how hard he tried to keep them still. Apparently guilt gave him muscle spasms.
Chase and Noah kept staring, and Spencer finally got his knees to settle down.
He flashed them a bright grin. “Pizza sounds great.”
There. That was good. Totally, 100 percent normal.
Chase gave him another wide-eyed look. “Um, I know it does. We already agreed on that. I’m asking you about toppings now.”
“Oh.” Spencer forced a laugh, which came out at a much higher pitch than usual. “Whatever. Anything. I’m easy.”
Noah gave a suspicious-sounding cough. “No, you’re not. You always bitch all night if you don’t get to choose.”
Oh yeah. Spencer did do that, didn’t he?
When Spencer didn’t say anything, Noah pushed off the wall, coming over to the couch with a little worried frown on his handsome face. “You okay, dude? You seem off.”
Of course Noah was checking in and not just letting Spencer’s weird behavior slide.
Because he was good and kind and the sort of alpha that should run for mayor or teach small schoolchildren morality or maybe star in Hallmark movies about small-town charmers who convince big-city omegas to leave that hectic life behind.
I fucked your brother. I’m going to fuck him again. I should have said no, and I didn’t, and I probably never will. I’m weak. So weak.
“Sure,” Spencer told his friends, lying like the liar he was. “I’m just …” He shrugged.
There. That was clear as dirt, right?
Noah and Chase exchanged a look.
“You’ve been staying in a lot lately,” Chase said mildly.
“Yeah.” Spencer nodded a little too enthusiastically. “I’m mending my slutty ways.”
Unless Noah’s brother asks me, and then I’m taking my cock out quicker than you can say, “Breaking the bro code.”
“You’re not a slut,” Noah countered immediately.
Spencer kind of was, but if they wanted to pretend otherwise, that was fine.
Either way, they’d never judged him for it.
They’d never judged him, period. He knew he could drive them crazy every now and again, but they didn’t hold it against him for longer than the moment in question.
They didn’t care that he was a lot. That he was too much.
There weren’t many people Spencer could say that about.
But his roomies loved him anyway, and that was … special. Really special.
Spencer really, really didn’t want to fuck that up. Telling Noah the whole truth was out—not when Ash was right that it wasn’t Spencer’s secret to tell—but he could still share a little bit, right? Enough so they knew he wasn’t pushing them away?
Noah took a seat next to him on the couch, and Spencer cleared his throat, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans. “I’m, uh, helping someone through, like, a weird heat situation. It’s just a little more intense than I’m used to.”
“And you’re okay with that?” Noah asked.
“Yeah. It’s … I mean, they’re cool. Really cool. I’m happy to help.”
I came so hard I thought my knot was going to implode.
But no. Spencer shouldn’t share that part. Not when eventually Noah was going to know that Spencer was talking about his little brother.
Noah wrapped an arm around Spencer, and Spencer leaned into the firm hold in spite of himself. Noah smelled like fresh ocean air, as per usual. His pheromones had always been soothing to Spencer. They smelled like what he thought family should smell like.
In his prior experience, family had always smelled like menthols and cheap, pheromone-enhancing perfume. Ocean air was way better.
Actually, Spencer had sported a little crush on Noah early on. So had Chase, for that matter. It was hard not to. Noah was golden and kind of perfect, but so genuinely nice no one could fault him for it. And he was hot as fuck, so … yeah, crushes were kind of inevitable.
Ash, on the other hand, wasn’t perfect—not at all.
But that was part of the appeal, wasn’t it?
He and Ryder were flawed in a way that felt …
comfortable. A little dangerous and perfectly safe at the same time.
Ash was too sharp. Ryder was too blunt. And Spencer was, as established, too much.
He didn’t feel judged by those two any more than he did by his beloved besties.
Spencer had never found that with anyone else. He didn’t know what to do with it now that he had it coming from multiple directions.
Spencer let out a long breath as Noah casually scent marked him. Maybe Chase would let them both give him a little coat of pheromones, too, as long as he wasn’t seeing Killian anytime tonight. Then the three of them would smell like their own little crew, just like they used to.
And this would be fine, right? Maybe Ash’s hormones would stabilize quicker than they thought and he wouldn’t need Spencer’s help again. Then they’d tell Noah what had happened, and maybe he wouldn’t hate Spencer forever for it, if it was just the one time.
Spencer ignored the empty, cold pit that opened up in his stomach at the thought of being left out of Ash’s future, stabilized heats. That was just the way it had to go. Spencer might fit with Ash and Ryder as friends, but that was the limit.
Because people might occasionally fool themselves into thinking Spencer was boyfriend material, but no one really wanted him for keeps. Not like that. Not like … permanent.
Spencer looked up to find Chase studying him from the doorway. Spencer gave him a small smile, which Chase returned. “Have you let them know your boundaries?” Chase asked. “Drawn your usual lines?”
Right. Because that was what Spencer did. He let people know right up front that he wasn’t available for anything more than sex, just so no one got their feelings hurt unnecessarily. It didn’t always work—it often didn’t work—but he never knew how to be besides brutally honest.
Except, in this case, he’d kind of … forgotten to do that.
But what was one more lie, now that he was a lying liar?
Spencer snuggled in closer to Noah’s bulk, accepting the comfort he didn’t deserve. “Yeah,” he sighed. “Everyone knows the score.”
Maybe it wasn’t even a lie. Because, in this case, it wasn’t Ash and Ryder who needed the lines drawn. It was Spencer.
Lucky for them, Spencer already knew what was what. When this resolved, Ash and Ryder were gonna be boyfriends, and Spencer was gonna be … Spencer.
Which was, of course, totally cool. Totally chill. Just as it should be.
Spencer’s phone dinged, and he dug it out of his back pocket without pulling away from Noah.
It was a message from Ash, although Ryder’s name was up there too. Apparently the three of them now had a group chat going.
Ash: Meet us at the rec center pool tomorrow. 10 am.
So, not a heat emergency. Some of Spencer’s tension eased. Leaving the roomie hang with zero warning would have been hard to manage.
Noah looked over Spencer’s shoulder at his phone. “That your booty call?”
Spencer cleared his throat. It didn’t work the first time, so he coughed and tried again. “It’s, um, Ash. He and Ryder wanna swim tomorrow morning.”
“Oh. Chill.” Noah rubbed his chin over Spencer’s hair. “It’s cute that you guys are hanging out. He must have caught a case of, like, hero worship or something.”
Hah. As if Spencer was anyone’s hero.
But Spencer nodded and tucked his phone away, then started tossing out his three top choices for pizza toppings. If he focused on the present, there was less likelihood of the guilt eating him alive.
Less chance of him remembering that this was so. Fucking. Bad.
The rec center pool on campus was massive.
It was sort of L-shaped, with one part sectioned off for lap swimming and a big open area where they sometimes held weird classes like paddleboard yoga.
This morning the area was open for free swim, with the loungers all around mostly filled up with students already.
Spencer spotted Ash and Ryder immediately, his gaze drawn to them like a freaking homing device. They were both shirtless and in trunks, same as Spencer. He hadn’t bothered putting his shirt back on after his postworkout shower, not when he was pool-bound.
Luckily, lifting some weights and sprinting on the treadmill until he’d felt like he was dying had worked to mostly settle Spencer down after the panic of the night before.