Chapter 20 #2
Ash growled in frustration. Goddamn it. Maybe it was better that Spencer wasn’t going to be there for the sibling face-off—he was too sensitive to handle all the yelling—but still. They’d never had a chance to talk it all through.
“What the fuck, Noah?”
Noah frowned back at Ash. “I can’t deal with him right now. Of all the— My little brother? And while you were vulnerable and—”
“That’s not what happened.”
“I’m gonna kill him.’
“Hey.” Ash grabbed Noah’s shirt, tugging him the few inches down to get him to Ash’s level.
“Spencer is the one who told me to talk to you. Who texted you without my say-so. I would have put it off, you know I would’ve.
But he couldn’t, because he loves you. He loves you so fucking much, and you didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt, and I’m pissed at you for it. ”
Noah’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You’re pissed? The secrecy and the—my best friend behind my back, and you’re pissed?”
“Yeah. I am.”
To his credit, Noah didn’t try to fight Ash’s hold or shove him away. He only scanned Ash’s face, as if searching for answers. “Why didn’t you tell me? The real reason.”
“Because you and Reese are my perfect older alpha brothers, and I’m … something else, and I wanted time and space to figure it out. Do you get that?”
“I’m not perfect.”
Ash released his brother and crossed his arms with a scoff. “Perfect enough. You’re good and you’re happy, and you don’t even have to try for everyone to love you. You’ve always been like that.”
“Who loves me?”
“Spencer, for one.”
“Then why did he—?”
“Because I asked him to, and I made him promise not to tell you. Because I’m not good or perfect, and I wanted him. Ryder and I both do.”
Noah froze, and Ash could see him trying to make sense of what Ash was telling him. “You want him as …”
“My person,” Ash said clearly. “One of them.”
Noah’s gaze drifted over to the bedroom door, where Ryder was no doubt reading some book while he waited them both out.
He may have had Ash’s back when it came to everyone else in the world, but Ryder knew Noah too well to be protective.
He also apparently knew sometimes brothers needed to talk things out.
Or maybe yell them out, in this instance.
“I see,” Noah said after another long moment. “And you’ve told him that.”
Ash shifted on his feet.
“Ash …”
“I’m taking my time, okay?” He didn’t mention that he’d been planning to tell Spencer this morning, before Noah’s arrival had fucked it all up.
Noah let out a short laugh. “Sure, but this is Spencer. You have to tell him shit. Do you know how much reassurance he needs from me and Chase? And we’re just his friends, no fucking involved.”
Was it wrong to want to punch Noah when he was actually being reasonable? But of course he was making perfect sense of everything Ash had been jumbling up. How fucking infuriating. “I’m not good with words,” Ash told him grudgingly.
“You don’t have to be good with them. Just say them. Out loud.”
Ash scoffed. “What, you approve now?”
Noah rubbed a hand over his face. “I mean, I love Spencer too. He’s the most loyal guy I know, when he really sets his heart on someone. I’m not—I thought it was just hooking up. If you’re, like, dating …”
“I’m trying. He’s being super dense about it.”
“That’s what I’m saying. You want him, you gotta be brave and say the words.”
Ash pointed an accusing finger. “This is the sort of sage brotherly wisdom I didn’t want from you.”
“I know.” Noah shrugged. “Sorry.” He sighed, then pivoted and flopped down onto Ash’s couch.
He rubbed at his eyes. Had he been sleeping okay?
Or had he been staying up too late worrying about Ash this entire time?
“Eli told me you had every right to keep it to yourself. That I need to tread carefully and not come in too hot.”
Ash wasn’t surprised Eli had tried to soften Noah’s wrath. Noah was probably going to catch hell later for not actually listening to his advice. “Well, Eli’s a lot smarter than you are. We already knew that.”
“I just want you to be safe. Seeing you like that …”
Ash came over to the couch and kicked gently at Noah’s shin. “Dude. I have people looking out for me. You saw that, too, right?”
Noah nodded slowly, his gaze drifting over to the bedroom door again. “You and Ryder, huh? That’s new.”
“It isn’t,” Ash said flatly. “It’s just … evolved.”
Noah patted the couch cushion next to him. “Sit, please. I’d like to hear about it all, if you want.” Noah laughed at whatever face Ash made. “Not the gory details. Just … talk to me.”
There hadn’t been all that much time for one-on-one chats growing up. Ash and Noah had been close enough, but then their three younger siblings had come along, and the house had been a chaotic mess, and older, responsible Noah had picked up a lot of the slack.
It was different here, with them being the only two Tellers on campus. Ash had been so hungry for that connection in the beginning, and lately he’d let it become something to fear.
Sometimes it sucked to be seen too clearly, was the thing.
But Ash was an asshole, not a coward. So—after another long moment of making Noah wait, just because—he sat on the couch and talked to his brother.