Chapter 32 Clint
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Clint
Hours later, the shock hasn’t faded—if anything, it’s heavier.
Charlie is my son? Mine? That boy I’ve been having a great time getting to know is… mine? I really can’t wrap my head around it.
All the moments with him, the way his face lit up when I showed him how to tie a knot, the way he asked me about the horses as if he’d already had the heart of a ranch hand… none of it feels different, but it is.
All those little moments hit me in a new way now.
I feel it deep in my chest, a knot tightening every time I think about it. Dakota kept this from me for so long. She kept it from me to protect him, protect herself. Hell, maybe she even thought she was protecting me.
But damn if it doesn’t feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. The fire this morning barely registers compared to this.
I look over at Sawyer, his cool eyes watching me with that knowing patience he always has. He understands this better than I do.
I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself right now, though. I’ve gotta get my head straight.
“Clint, you alright?” Sawyer asks, taking a step closer.
I grunt, wiping my hand over my face again, trying to shake off the haze that’s clouding my brain. “Yeah. Just… trying to process, you know? Dakota just dropped something heavy on me.”
Sawyer nods understandingly. “Yeah, I know.”
“You know? What do you mean, you know?”
My stomach twists, the anger bubbling up like acid.
Sawyer holds up his hands, trying to calm me down before the words can spill out. “Hold on, Clint. Let me explain.”
I step back, a wave of frustration washing over me. “Explain what? You knew? This whole time, you knew about Charlie?”
Sawyer is debating whether or not to speak. I can see him trying to keep his cool, but the tension is too much.
I ball my fists, nails biting into my palms. The last thing I need is someone else keeping secrets from me right now.
“That’s not what I meant,” he says slowly, but I’m not listening.
All I can think about is how Dakota never told me. Never gave me a chance to be part of it from the start.
“Then what the hell did you mean, Sawyer?” I snap, my temper flaring.
“She talks to you about this, but not me? I’m the one who’s been right here, helping her with Charlie.
I’m the one who’s been getting close to the kid, not you.
But you knew about it. You knew, and you didn’t say a damn word to me. What’s that about?”
Sawyer flinches, but he doesn’t back down. His eyes narrow, just enough to show he’s not afraid of me. “I found out moments before you. And I wasn’t told, I worked it out. Charlie looks just like you.”
I stop dead in my tracks, his words cutting through the haze of anger swirling in my head. “You figured it out? You knew… because of how he looks?”
Sawyer’s face hardens, bracing for the storm. “It wasn’t just the way Charlie looks. It was about how he acts. There’s a lot of you in him, Clint. From the way he handles himself with the horses to how he picks up on things. I just… guessed.”
I feel my chest tighten. Charlie. The kid’s been around a lot, asking questions, showing me his curiosity, and I never thought about it.
I was too busy being the guy who got to show him the ropes, too wrapped up in teaching him things that felt natural. But now, it’s a slap in the face.
Every moment with him, every shared laugh, every time we bonded over something as simple as a knot, feels different.
I missed the whole point of what was going on.
“But Dakota has been back in town for a while, and she hasn’t said a thing—”
“Probably to protect you.”
I shake my head, the words ringing hollow. “I didn’t need protection. I needed the truth. I deserved the truth.”
“You’re right,” Sawyer admits. “You did. But Dakota didn’t do this to hurt you. From what I understand, she didn’t really know you. She was thinking about her son.”
He’s right. Hell, he’s probably more right than I care to admit.
“I just…” I start. “I don’t know what to do with this. With him. I don’t know how to be a father.”
Sawyer’s quiet for a beat, then he gives a small shake of his head. “You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. But you’re already a part of his life. That counts for something.”
I rub my jaw, feeling the roughness of the stubble under my fingers. The reality of it settles deeper now. I’ve spent the last few weeks with Charlie, and I didn’t even know he was my kid.
How the hell do I go from that to being his father?
“I don’t even know what to say to Dakota. Or him. I don’t know how to be that guy. The dad guy. Not after all this time.”
Sawyer lets out a long breath, carefully choosing his words. “You’ve got time, Clint. Just be there for him. Be real with him. That’s all you can do.”
I look at him as it sinks in. He’s right, of course. But it’s not that easy. I’ve never had to be anyone’s father before.
But Charlie… He’s already got me wrapped around his finger without even trying. Hell, just the thought of him calling me Dad makes something inside me shift.
I look at Sawyer again, the words getting harder to say. “What if I screw this up?”
Sawyer shrugs, a slow, easy move. He’s seen me wrestle with a hundred things and knows this won’t be the last one. “What if you don’t?”
I run my hand through my hair, my mind a tangled mess. I can’t stop thinking about all the things I don’t know. The things I should’ve known already.
I open my mouth to respond, but the words get stuck. I can’t just flip a switch and suddenly be the father Charlie deserves. This isn’t something you learn in a few days or a few weeks. It’s a lifetime.
And I’m not prepared for it.
“Clint, man,” Sawyer cuts through my spiraling thoughts. “You’ve been better with Charlie than you give yourself credit for. You’re already doing the hardest part. You’re here. You care.”
I shake my head, still not convinced. “I don’t know if that’s enough. I don’t know how to make up for the time I’ve missed.”
Sawyer looks at me, his eyes soft but serious.
“You can’t change the past. But you’ve got the future ahead of you.
And Charlie? He’s got you now. That’s what matters.
You’re here. Don’t let your fear of messing up stop you from doing what needs to be done.
If you need to screw up a few times to figure it out, so be it. ”
I let out a long breath, a mixture of frustration and relief. Sawyer’s right. I can’t keep holding myself to some impossible standard. The kid doesn’t need a perfect father. He needs me to show up. To be present. To be real.
I turn toward the barn, trying to sort through the mess of thoughts in my head. “Maybe I need to get out of here for a bit.”
“I’ll come with you,” Sawyer offers. “If you want, I’ll call Reid, too. We can grab a drink and talk this through. Maybe get your mind off things for a little while.”
I give him a look, unsure. “I’m not exactly in the mood for a heart-to-heart over whiskey.”
Sawyer shrugs, the corners of his mouth twitching. “Doesn’t have to be a heart-to-heart. But a drink with friends? It might help you clear your head.”
I pause, weighing it. Maybe it’s exactly what I need. To get away from the ranch for a little while, to talk about something other than the storm that’s been brewing inside me.
I finally nod. “Alright, call him. I could use a distraction.”
Sawyer pulls out his phone and dials quickly. “Reid’s always down for a drink.”
A few seconds later, Reid’s voice comes through. “Sawyer? What’s up?”
“Clint’s got some… rough news,” Sawyer says. “We’re headed to the Silver Bit. You in?”
Reid’s laugh is light but genuine. “Always, man. Let’s go.”
“See? I told you,” Sawyer says with a grin, putting his phone back in his pocket. “We’ll sort you out.”
As we drive toward the tavern, I can feel the day pressing down on me harder than I want to admit. Everything is happening too fast.
Charlie. Being a father. The truth that’s been sitting there for years, hidden in plain sight.
I should’ve known, damn it. I should’ve figured it out earlier.
The night is cool, and the soft hum of crickets fills the air as we make our way to the Silver Bit.
“Clint, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Reid asks after a while.
“Let’s get a drink first. Then I’ll tell you everything, and we’ll see if the advice you give me is anything like Sawyer’s.”