Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Clint
I’m standing in the middle of the ranch, looking out over the fields. The land is dry, cracked, a wound that won’t heal.
I can hear the wind howling, carrying with it the scent of something burning. But it’s not the barn. Not the corral.
It’s the whole damn ranch, turning to ash, piece by piece.
I start running, trying to get to the barn, trying to do something, anything, but the closer I get, the farther away it seems. The barn is just a shadow in the distance, and I can’t move any faster.
My boots dig into the dry earth, my breath coming in sharp, ragged gasps.
I hear the horses in the distance, whinnying in panic, but I can’t get to them. They’re scattering, running into the wind.
And no matter how fast I move, no matter how hard I push my body, the barn keeps slipping farther and farther away. I reach for it, but it’s like trying to grab smoke.
The fence line is gone, the posts splintering under the storm, and I can hear the crash of wood and metal, the tearing sound of something precious being ripped apart.
I try to fix it. I try to rebuild, to make it right, but every time I grab a hammer or a nail, the wood slips through my fingers, turning to dust.
The ground shifts beneath me, swallowing everything I’ve worked for, everything I’ve built.
The sound of the ranch’s destruction is deafening, the screaming of the wind mixing with the crash of collapsing structures. My heart is pounding in my chest. I can’t breathe, can’t move.
My hands are shaking, and all I can do is watch as everything I love, everything that’s been my life, is torn apart and lost.
I scream. I yell for the others, for the ranch, for anyone to help. But my voice doesn’t reach anyone. I’m stuck in an endless loop, running in circles, trying to fix something that’s already gone.
And then, just as the barn finally crumbles, the ground cracks open, swallowing it whole. Everything goes black.
The silence is suffocating.
“Fuck!”
I shoot up in bed, gasping for air. Sweat clings to my skin, soaking through my shirt as I struggle to calm my racing heart. My chest is tight, my breathing shallow, and I think I might actually be dying.
“What the fuck was that?”
I drag my gaze around the room, trying to place myself. What time is it?
I feel sick. Because I know that isn’t just a nightmare. It’s reality. What happened yesterday, it’s messed me up. I don’t know if I will ever recover…
“Huh?”
Then, I hear it.
Laughter.
Charlie’s laughter.
It cuts through the darkness, sharp and bright. Sunlight breaking through a storm.
I close my eyes, trying to pull myself together, but the sound of my son’s laughter makes everything fade. The fear, the pain, all of it.
Just for a moment, I forget about the ranch, the repairs, the bills, the failure.
I sit up, rubbing a hand across my face, trying to shake off the remnants of the nightmare. It’s still there, but Charlie’s voice is a lifeline, pulling me back to reality.
I take a deep breath, and when I open my eyes again, the room feels different. Not lighter exactly, but more grounded. The walls aren’t closing in anymore.
I stand up, my legs a little unsteady as I make my way toward the window, but I don’t care. I need to see him.
Out in the yard, Charlie’s running around, chasing the chickens, his laughter ringing through the ranch. He doesn’t have a care in the world.
And in that moment, neither do I.
I slide the window open, just a crack, and let the breeze hit my face. It smells of dust and earth, the familiar scent of the ranch.
I close my eyes again, letting the sounds of Charlie’s joy wash over me. For a second, everything’s alright. The nightmare was just that… a nightmare.
“Oh, shit.”
All of a sudden, it hits me hard.
I was supposed to meet him and Dakota today. I was supposed to start being a father to Charlie, and I messed up. All because of the ranch.
Horror strikes me as I meet her eyes. She catches my expression and falters a little, but the hurt in her eyes hits me harder than anything.
I just stand there, frozen, my hand still gripping the edge of the window, reality crashing down on me.
I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to be with them, to show up for Charlie, not let everything else take priority.
I hear the soft crunch of footsteps behind me. I turn to find Sawyer, his brow furrowed.
“Clint… you okay?”
I run a hand through my hair, pushing my thoughts away.
“Yeah,” I mutter, though the word feels wrong on my tongue. I’m not okay. Not even close.
Sawyer doesn’t press. He knows better. Instead, he steps into the room, glancing over at the window where Charlie’s still laughing, chasing after the chickens as if it’s the most important thing in the world.
Sawyer’s eyes soften, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “He’s something, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say, swallowing hard. “He’s everything.”
Sawyer’s quiet for a long beat, and I can feel him studying me, sensing that something’s off. Finally, he speaks.
“You gonna go out there? Or are you just gonna let that guilt eat at you?”
The question stings more than it should, and I grit my teeth, running a hand over my jaw. “I don’t know. I fucked this up. I promised him, hell, I promised both of them I’d be there today.”
Sawyer nods slowly, the understanding in his eyes giving me no place to hide. “The ranch is a mess, Clint. But you don’t get this time back with him. You know that.”
I know it. And I’m afraid of losing it, afraid of messing this up, same as I’ve messed everything else up in my life. I glance back at Charlie, his laughter still ringing in the air, so innocent, so pure.
How the hell did I let everything else get in the way of that?
I turn back to Sawyer, my chest tight. “You’re right. I can’t keep running.”
He gives me a small, knowing smile. “Then go. Don’t waste time on regrets.”
I don’t need any more convincing. I know what I need to do.
I nod and push past him, out the door, and into the yard where Charlie’s still running in circles, trying to catch the chickens. He looks up when he sees me approaching, and his face lights up brighter than the morning sun.
“Clint, hi!” he yells. “I’m chasing the chickens.”
I smile, something inside me unclenching just a little. “Alright, let’s see it.”
We run around the yard, me laughing along with Charlie as he chases those chickens because he’s got nothing else on his mind.
He’s faster than I thought he’d be, darting between the fence posts, his little legs carrying him faster than I can keep up. Every time he gets close, the chickens scatter, flapping their wings in a frenzy.
I’m watching him, half amused, half holding my breath.
There’s something so pure in the way he throws himself into this simple task—no worries, no fear. And I want to give him that, want to make sure he has it for as long as he can.
After an eternity of laughter and near misses, Charlie finally grabs hold of one of the chickens. It flaps wildly in his arms, but he holds on tight, his face a mix of shock and triumph.
“I got it!” he yells, his chest puffing out proudly. He looks up at me, eyes wide with excitement. “Clint, look! I did it!”
I crouch down, the pride and joy I’m feeling catching in my chest. “You sure did, champ. You’re fast, huh?”
Charlie beams, still clutching the chicken. “Yeah! I’m the fastest! You saw that, right?”
“I saw it,” I say thickly. “You’re the fastest there is.”
Charlie grins, showing off a missing tooth. “I’m gonna keep him. His name’s Speedy.”
I laugh at that, watching him cradle the chicken as if it’s the most precious thing in the world. He’s so damn proud of himself, and I can’t help but be proud of him, too.
“Hey, how about we go inside for something to eat?” I suggest, because I need them to stay around for a little longer.
I need to talk to Dakota, too. To apologize.
Charlie hesitates, looking from the chicken to me. “But… Speedy can come too, right?”
I chuckle. “We’ll let Speedy rest for a bit, buddy. He’s had a big day.”
Charlie frowns slightly, but then he shrugs. “Okay. But soon, we’re gonna chase more chickens.”
“I’m in,” I say, ruffling his hair. “Now let’s get inside before all the good food is gone.”