Chapter 5
‘Hey, can you believe it? The sun’s come out!
’ Jenny took a seat opposite me in the staff dining room and placed her tray of food on the table.
‘It’s forecast to be a sunny Easter. Not that it will make much difference to me, since I’m working tomorrow.
’ She picked up her fork and gave me a mock frown. ‘Unlike some we can mention.’
I hastily swallowed the mouthful of potato salad I’d been enjoying and gave my colleague an indignant look. ‘You’re hardly in a position to complain! Didn’t you just come back from two weeks in Fuerteventura? Anyway, the store’s closed on Sunday, so you’ll get an extra day off. That’s something.’
‘God bless the Easter trading laws,’ Jenny said with feeling. She dug her fork into some pasta. ‘So what have you got planned for your week off then? Going anywhere special?’
Honestly? I dreaded to think. I had a sneaking suspicion that Rory was about to produce details of several country cottages for sale that he’d just happened to come across and considered worth a visit, since we were off work and at a loose end anyway. Did he really think I’d fall for it?
I’m going to have to tell him. But how?
‘Not really. Might have a day out if the weather stays fine,’ I said casually.
‘It probably will. Bet you anything you like that the sun will shine all week for you,’ Jenny said gloomily.
I couldn’t help laughing. ‘Thanks very much. Clearly you’re wishing thunderstorms and hailstones on me.’
‘Naturally. Taking a week off indeed! Who do you think you are anyway?’ Jenny grinned. ‘No, I hope you have a smashing week, honest. Let’s face it, wherever you go you’re going to have a good time. How can you not with the dashing Mr Harrison by your side?’
‘I suppose he is a bit dashing,’ I said, pretending to think about it. ‘Although I can’t imagine how you remember that. You’ve only met him twice!’
‘If I’d only met him once I’d remember him,’ she teased. ‘He’s that yummy it’s a case of once seen, never forgotten. Tell you what, I don’t know how you manage to get yourself into work every day, knowing you’ve got someone like him at home. If he was my husband I’d never let him out of bed.’
‘Should I be offended that you seem to have a crush on my husband?’ I asked, mildly amused.
‘Don’t worry,’ Jenny said with a mock sigh. ‘I remember how he was with you that night at the staff Christmas party the year before last. He definitely only had eyes for you. I hope you appreciate your good luck, Kirsty.’
‘And your husband only has eyes for you. I hope you appreciate your good luck, Jenny.’
She winked. ‘What the eye doesn’t see…’
I pushed away my ham salad, as a sudden wave of guilt and sadness washed over me.
‘Not hungry?’
‘Not really. I should be getting back. I’ve a lot to do before I leave this evening, since I won’t be here next week.’
‘Do you ever think you work too hard?’ Jenny queried, waving a mozzarella ball on a fork at me. ‘Seriously, there’s such a thing as being too dedicated to the job, you know.’
‘I love my job,’ I reminded her. It was something I’d been reminding myself a lot over the last week, as the fear that Rory was about to ask me to give it all up and move away with him gnawed at me.
I could imagine myself standing in the kitchen of some chocolate box cottage in the depths of the countryside, Rory pleading with me to see how wonderful life could be if I’d just agree to leave London behind.
I’d need a reason why it could never happen.
‘It’s my job,’ I’d say. ‘It’s everything to me. I couldn’t possibly give it all up.’
But even in my best-case scenarios I could hear him replying, ‘It’s everything to you? What about me?’
I could see the hurt look in his eyes. The reproach that he’d try so hard to hide. How could I do it? How could I deny him his dream if this really was what he wanted? But how could I be happy living in some rural idyll knowing what it had cost to get there?
‘Earth to Kirsty!’
Jenny’s voice cut into my thoughts and I blinked, shaking my head.
‘Sorry. What were you saying?’
‘Charming. There I was spilling my innermost secrets to you, and you were off somewhere in fantasy land. I was saying that I was looking at the noticeboard earlier and thinking about applying for another job.’
‘Another job?’ I definitely hadn’t been expecting that. ‘I thought you liked this one?’
Jenny was the assistant department manager of womenswear and had hopes of promotion to department manager when the current one retired in a few years.
‘I do,’ she said with a shrug. ‘Doesn’t mean I don’t get itchy feet. They’re looking for a department manager in the Glasgow store. What do you reckon?’
‘Glasgow?’ I shook my head, amazed. ‘That’s the other end of the country! You couldn’t get much further away from home. What would Darren think to that?’
‘I reckon he’d be all for it. Now our kids are both at university it’s the perfect time to make changes if we’re ever going to.
Maybe it’s time to shake off the dust of London and spread our wings a bit.
I’ll bet we could buy something pretty decent up in Scotland within commuting distance of Glasgow for the money we’d get for our place.
’ Her eyes sparkled. ‘I mean, it’s an adventure, isn’t it?
A chance to do something different before it’s too late. ’
I swallowed. ‘Seriously? You’d be willing to jump into the unknown like that?’
‘You’re a long time dead, Kirsty,’ Jenny said cheerfully, popping the mozzarella ball into her mouth and turning to look at the sunshine that was streaming through the windows.
I shivered.
She was right about that at least. And maybe if I’d been as brave and adventurous as Jenny, I wouldn’t have dragged my feet about moving house all those years ago, and maybe I wouldn’t have made the mistakes I’d made, and maybe, just maybe, my first husband would still be alive.
But I hadn’t been brave and adventurous. I’d been selfish and immature.
And it was Danny who’d paid the price.