Chapter 7
‘Eggs Benedict, cooked especially for you.’
I sat up in bed, blinking in surprise as I saw Rory standing by my bedside, a tray in his hands.
‘Seriously?’ I loved Eggs Benedict, but it was a rare treat, usually served only at Christmas or on my birthday. ‘What have I done to deserve this?’
‘You married me.’ Rory sat down on the edge of the bed and placed the tray carefully in my lap. There was tea, too. Two mugs. He was planning to join me then.
Sure enough, Rory climbed into bed beside me and picked up his own tea. ‘What are you waiting for? Tuck in.’
I eyed him suspiciously. ‘What about your breakfast?’
‘I’ve already had toast and marmalade,’ he admitted. ‘I’ve been up ages and I got hungry, but I didn’t want to wake you too early.’
‘Why? What time is it?’
‘Eight o’clock.’
‘Eight?’ Good grief! I never usually slept past seven, and it was more like six on working days. ‘Wow, I’ve slept in.’
‘You must have needed the sleep,’ he said.
I couldn’t argue with that. I’d barely slept at all for the last couple of nights, waiting for the axe to fall. There’d been no mention of house hunting over the weekend, but it was Monday morning now. A new week. Maybe Rory was about to spring it on me at last.
Slowly, I began eating my breakfast, conscious of his gaze upon me the whole time.
‘Do you have to watch me while I’m eating?’ I complained at last, my nerves jangling.
‘But you look so adorable!’ Rory laughed. ‘Sorry. I’ll look at the wall, shall I?’
‘Yes please.’
He sighed and dutifully turned to face the bookcase that stood against the wall at his side of the bed.
I watched him tilt his head slightly, as if reading some of the titles, and smiled. He never could resist a good book.
‘See anything you fancy?’ I asked.
‘I’m looking the wrong way for that,’ he replied.
I couldn’t help laughing, despite the cheesiness of his line. ‘All right, charmer. You can look round again.’
‘Oh, the relief!’ He winked at me. ‘How’s your breakfast?’
‘Absolutely yummy,’ I admitted. ‘I’d still like to know what I’ve done to deserve it, though.’
‘It’s our anniversary week,’ he reminded me. ‘I want it to be special.’
‘It’s not our anniversary until Saturday,’ I pointed out. ‘You don’t have to do anything at all until then, and a card will suffice anyway.’
His face clouded. ‘Ever the romantic.’
I felt ashamed, seeing the twinkle vanish from his eyes. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to put a dampener on things. You’re right, of course. Ten years is a long time. Lots to celebrate.’
He nodded, but I could see I’d spoiled the mood.
‘I thought we could make some plans,’ I said hastily.
‘Plans?’
‘How to spend this week.’ If I could fill our days with treats and special outings, he wouldn’t have time to drop any house viewings on me.
I’d figured that out a couple of nights ago, as I lay in bed staring up into the darkness and worrying about the future.
‘I was thinking we could go on a tour of all the places we went to those first few weeks after we got together. Do you remember that picnic we had on Primrose Hill? I could barely eat for the wind blowing my hair in my face.’
‘It was the first time I told you I loved you.’ Rory nodded wistfully. ‘But you couldn’t hear me because of the wind, and I ended up shouting it at you, which wasn’t the romantic vibe I’d hoped for at all.’
‘It was very sweet though.’ I smiled at the memory. ‘It might be a bit chilly for a picnic today, but we could wrap up warm I suppose and maybe get pancakes at that lovely cafe instead of taking food with us.’
‘Maybe.’
‘Tomorrow,’ I continued, ‘I thought we could go into town for a look around the shops, and then in the evening we could go to that bar with the amazing views of St Paul’s Cathedral. Remember?’
Rory nodded. ‘I know where you mean.’
‘And then on Wednesday we could go for a walk by the canal in Little Venice? We haven’t done that for ages! We used to love getting away from it all there. Maybe we could—’
I broke off as Rory shook his head.
‘You don’t want to go to Little Venice?’
He took a sip of his tea. ‘I wasn’t going to tell you this until tomorrow, but maybe it’s better if I tell you now so you have more time to prepare.’
My heart sank. So much for distracting him and filling up his days so he couldn’t spring any nasty surprises on me!
‘What is it?’ I asked. ‘What have you done?’
‘Done?’ He stared at me. ‘What sort of a question’s that? I have an anniversary surprise for you, that’s all. Well, I say that’s all. I’m hoping you won’t think, That’s all? I’m hoping you’ll love it.’
‘Go on,’ I said cautiously. ‘Tell me.’
He put his mug of tea on the bedside cabinet and turned to face me.
‘Well, I thought our tenth anniversary deserved something special. We both work so hard and sometimes we forget that there’s life beyond our jobs.
I wanted us to remember that. So I’ve booked us a short break in a beautiful location.
Somewhere we can forget all about work and the city and concentrate fully on us and our relationship. ’
‘Do we need to concentrate on our relationship?’ I gave a nervous laugh. ‘Sounds a bit grim. Like we’re going for a counselling session or something.’
He stared at me and I swallowed. ‘Oh. I see. We are.’
‘It’s not like that,’ he said, a little too late for my liking. ‘I just think we’ve kind of lost focus, don’t you?’ He placed his hand over mine. ‘I don’t want us to drift apart, Kirsty, and sometimes it feels like…’
‘Like what?’
He shrugged helplessly. ‘Don’t you feel it, too?’
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I said obstinately.
‘I think we have a lovely life. This house is perfectly adequate for our needs, and it’s in a nice street, and not too far from the town for shopping.
And we both have good jobs and no real money worries, and friends, and – and family.
I don’t know what more we could ask for.
Do we really need to go away? Couldn’t we just stay here and enjoy ourselves without the need for travelling to goodness knows where? ’
Rory sighed. ‘It’s just a short break, Kirsty, not three months in the Himalayas.’
‘How long is a short break?’
‘Four nights. That’s all.’
‘When?’
‘Wednesday to Sunday.’
‘In a hotel?’
Rory nodded. ‘Sort of.’
‘Sort of? What does that mean?’
‘Kirsty, can’t you just wait and see?’
‘Well, whereabouts is it?’
‘Somewhere beautiful.’
‘You already said that. That could mean anything. I like to be prepared. I—’
He leaned forward and kissed me gently on the lips. ‘It’s a present. My gift to us. Please, can you just accept that and trust me?’
But there was something in his eyes that I couldn’t trust. He was up to something; I was sure of it. Visions of arriving at some hotel in the back of beyond to be greeted by a horde of pushy estate agents filled my mind, and I pushed away the tray, my breakfast suddenly holding no appeal.
‘You don’t like it?’ he asked, eyeing the remnants of the Eggs Benedict with concern.
‘It was lovely,’ I assured him hastily. ‘I’m just not really a breakfast person, am I? The tea’s fine, though.’
I gulped some down to prove my point, trying not to look at the sadness in his dark eyes. I could change everything in an instant. All I had to do was tell him about the notice I’d seen in the staff dining room after Jenny had drawn my attention to it…
‘Something you might be interested in,’ she’d said as we’d headed towards the door on our way back to work. She’d nodded at the notice board and I’d followed her gaze, seeing exactly what she meant.
If I’d told Rory about it that night, he’d have had our bags packed and a removal van booked.
But I hadn’t told him, and I didn’t tell him now either.
God, what did he see in me? He was the kindest man in the world. The loveliest, the most patient… He deserved better than me.
I was a terrible wife. I’d failed Danny and now I was failing Rory too. How could I possibly go along with what he wanted, knowing what I’d done. If Rory had the faintest idea who I really was he wouldn’t care about making me happy. And that would have been fairer.
Because the truth was, I didn’t have any right to be happy. I’d forfeited that a long time ago.