Chapter 28
I didn’t sleep much that night, and judging by Rory’s restlessness I thought he’d had a pretty sleepless one, too.
When we both finally gave up and opened our eyes to the new morning, we gave each other sheepish smiles.
‘Happy anniversary,’ I said.
He rubbed his eyes. ‘Happy anniversary, darling.’
Ten years of marriage and look where we were. We faced each other and it became obvious that neither of us knew what to say to the other. This wasn’t what we’d envisaged our special day to be like, that was for sure.
‘Shall we go downstairs for breakfast, or do you want to eat in here?’ Rory asked.
I had a feeling that, right now, we needed to be around people. We needed distractions, other people to look at, noise, chatter, laughter. Normality.
‘Let’s go downstairs,’ I suggested. ‘I think I’ve spent enough time closeted away in this room.’
He nodded and thirty minutes later we were taking our seats in the dining room.
I don’t honestly think either of us were particularly hungry, but we dutifully ordered our favourite Eggs Benedict, ignoring the delicious pancakes, muffins and waffles that were on offer.
‘Seems pretty busy through there,’ Rory remarked, as we watched several people coming and going into the adjoining function room.
‘Must be some event happening later,’ I said.
‘Someone else’s anniversary perhaps,’ he said wistfully.
I didn’t reply, all too aware that our own special day was turning out to be a day we’d never forget for all the wrong reasons.
I still wasn’t sure what was going to happen after we left here.
This might be the last anniversary we ever had.
When I told Rory the truth it might well be the finish of us.
As we sat sipping our coffee, Penny came over to us.
‘Good morning,’ she said. ‘Is everything to your satisfaction?’
We both agreed that it was, although I thought it was a bit odd that the boss herself was checking up on us. It was usually the waitresses or waiters who made sure we had everything we needed.
‘You seem very busy,’ Rory observed. ‘Is there a celebration happening later?’
Penny smiled. ‘There is. An engagement party. The owner of the village is marrying the grandson of the former owner of the village, so as you can imagine we’re all very excited.
’ She glanced over at the function room.
‘We’re starting to decorate it already. And there’s going to be music, too.
’ Her eyes twinkled. ‘You could say everyone’s going to be in High Spirits tonight. ’
‘High Spirits!’ Rory put down his coffee cup and laughed. ‘This is where Danny’s group are performing tonight! He said there was a special event…’ He broke off and gave Penny a wary look. ‘I mean…’
She nodded. ‘I know what you mean, and you’re right. Danny’s one of the lead singers.’
‘You know about Danny? You know about all the…’
‘Ghosts,’ she finished for me. ‘Of course I do. They’re very much part of the community here.
That’s actually why I’ve come to talk to you.
Word has spread that you’re Brooke’s cousin, and that you, Rory, are Danny’s brother.
Everyone’s thrilled that you’re able to see them and that you’ve been to visit them at their home.
They’ve never had any living visitors before so it’s exciting.
Callie and Brodie – they’re the ones whose party it is tonight – have asked me to invite you to it.
It starts at seven and they’d be delighted if you could make it. ’
Rory and I exchanged astonished looks.
‘Well, that’s very kind of them,’ Rory began.
‘The only thing to remember,’ she said, ‘is that Callie and Brodie don’t know about High Spirits. The performance is to be a surprise for them. The ghosts’ gift to the happy couple. So if you do happen to bump into either of them before the party, please don’t mention it, will you?’
‘Of – of course not.’ This place was the most surreal place imaginable. It was like everyone just accepted the ghosts as part of the community. No big deal. I shook my head, amazed. I supposed if Danny and Brooke had to die and become ghosts, they’d chosen the best possible place to do it.
Rory raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged, leaving the decision to him.
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘We’d be delighted.’
Penny smiled and went back to supervise whatever was happening in the function room. I took a sip of coffee and watched my husband thoughtfully.
‘You think it’s a good idea?’ I asked, suddenly not so sure. ‘Going to a party where Danny’s singing, given how he feels about you right now? How he feels about both of us?’
Rory cradled his cup, his eyes filled with a new determination. ‘By the time of the party this will all be sorted out one way or the other,’ he said.
‘And you know that because?’
He sat up straight. ‘Because I’m going to make sure of it. This has dragged on long enough. We’re all so bloody miserable and it has to stop. We have to sort things out – the three of us.’
‘Actually,’ I said, ‘I think you’ll find there are four of us in this marriage, or have you forgotten Brooke?’
‘Brooke? Well, I know she’s around obviously, and she’s your cousin, but she isn’t really anything to do with what’s gone on between you, me and Danny.’
I pushed my coffee away. ‘You couldn’t be more wrong,’ I said, meeting his gaze steadily.
It was the moment of truth and I knew it.
Time to come clean. ‘She’s got everything to do with it.
Rory, you and I need to talk. There’s something I have to tell you and you’re not going to like it.
I want you to listen to me, and when you’ve heard what I have to say you can choose what you want to happen next, and I won’t try to persuade you differently.
But you have to know. I can’t carry on like this any longer. ’
His eyes narrowed. ‘This sounds very serious.’
‘It doesn’t get any more serious,’ I told him.
He got to his feet. ‘Then I guess we’d better go up to the room and talk in private,’ he said. His face was grim and his mouth a straight line as he turned and, without waiting for me, headed for the reception and the stairs.
I took a steadying breath then followed him. No backing out now.
When we entered our hotel room, Rory went to stand by the window, his hands in his pockets as he gazed down on the gardens below.
‘Well?’ he said without looking round. ‘What do you have to tell me?’
‘I’m not going to talk to your back,’ I said. ‘I need to see your face.’
If his expression showed disgust or hatred, at least I’d know. Rory’s eyes revealed every emotion, and as much as I dreaded seeing something I didn’t want to see, I knew I wanted total transparency from now on. No more guessing games. For either of us.
He slowly turned round to face me, leaning against the windowsill and watching me. He was clearly trying to keep his expression neutral but there was unmistakeable wariness in his eyes.
I sat on the sofa and began.
‘You think there’s something between us that’s stopped me from being fully myself with you. That I’m keeping something from you,’ I said. ‘And you think it’s all to do with my grief for Danny. You think I haven’t got over what happened that night. And you’re right. I haven’t.’
As something flickered in his eyes I said quickly, ‘But it’s not what you think. I’m not pining for Danny. I’m not still in love with him. The truth is, Rory…’
I paused, hardly able to say the words out loud. It was such a big thing to admit, even to myself. But there was no going back now.
‘The truth is, I fell out of love with Danny long before he died.’
There was total silence and I waited for something – anything – to happen. Rory just stared at me, and for the first time I could remember, I couldn’t read his expression.
Okay, not the reaction I was expecting, but carry on.
‘Danny and I got married way too young,’ I said.
‘If you remember, I was only sixteen when we started going out together, and he was only a couple of years older. Far too young to know who we even were, let alone make any sort of commitment to each other. But Danny was always the one who talked about settling down, building a home together. When he asked me to marry him everyone was so thrilled for us. And I…’ I shrugged guiltily.
‘I just went along with it because it was simpler.’
I hugged myself, remembering those early days and how easy it had been to get caught up in the excitement of wedding planning.
‘We were the perfect couple. We both had decent jobs and were going places. You know how bright Danny was. He was going to do well in life, that’s what everyone said.
And he was such a nice young man. So polite and kind and he’d always look after me.
Mum was a bit worried I was too young, but she and Dad both agreed he was a lovely person and they couldn’t ask for anyone better for a son-in-law. ’ I gave him a rueful smile. ‘Sorry.’
He shrugged but still didn’t speak.
‘Well,’ I said, my mouth dry with nerves, ‘I wasn’t so sure.
I was already beginning to feel like I was on a runaway train with no way of getting off.
I kept telling myself it was just wedding nerves, that I loved Danny and he loved me, and he would make me happy.
But deep down I was worried that I wasn’t going to make him happy.
Because even then I could see our differences, and I wondered if we’d really grow closer as everyone said, or if we’d drift further apart.
I should have called the wedding off. I should have told him how I felt, but I didn’t.
I was too scared. I didn’t want to make a fuss and I didn’t want to hurt him.
So I married him and I tried – I really tried to be a good wife. ’
Rory moved away from the window and sat on the edge of the bed, never taking his eyes off me. I wished he’d interrupt me. Say something – anything. My heart was thumping with dread, and I really needed some sort of encouragement. This silence was overwhelming.