Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
“ W hat in the fuck?” Dmitri stared after Luka’s retreating form, and Kit winced. He thought he knew what was going through Luka’s mind, and honestly, as touching as Kris’s gesture was in trying to make him feel like a part of the band, she had unknowingly thrown gasoline on an already inflammatory situation. It wasn’t her fault, but Kit knew it didn’t matter — Luka was probably going to feel like Kit was trying to force his way into the band.
Greg was motioning them all toward the green room, and Kit dithered as they collected their things. He saw Dmitri frown in annoyance, before picking up Luka’s bag that he’d apparently forgotten in his anger. This obviously wasn’t working out the way Kit had intended. These were Luka’s friends, and he seemed to have, without meaning to, caused disharmony between them. It made him feel sick, and like he was blowing any chance to get Luka to listen.
“There’s something I need to say,” he began, glancing at the rest of them apologetically. The looks he got in return ranged from puzzled to annoyed, and he knew he had to throw them a bone. “Look, I know you probably think he’s being needlessly difficult, and I’m not going to get into particulars, but Luka… it’s complicated, okay? We had a misunderstanding years ago, and he feels he has every reason to hate my guts. Hell, maybe he’s even right. But either way, he probably needs more time to come to terms with my presence, so please cut him some slack.”
The puzzlement on their faces became surprise, and Dmitri, who Kit had already decided was irrepressible, didn’t hesitate to jump in with the obvious question. “You mean you actually know Luka?”
“Uh, yeah,” Kit rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he wasn’t about to fuck things up worse than they already were. “I’ve known him since we were fourteen. We went to high school and college together.” He probably shouldn’t go into too much detail, but fuck it, he could talk about his own damned life, no matter what Luka might be trying to keep under wraps. Just because Luka didn’t find it important to share didn’t mean Kit had to keep a vow of silence, as though their past friendship was a dirty secret the way Luka seemed to think it was. “We were the founders, together, of Sultana, but… something happened.”
Actually, some one happened, and Kit would never forgive himself for his stupidity in not realizing what was going on before it was far too late.
“ Luka was in Sultana?” Kris asked, obviously shocked, and then she closed her eyes, looking pained. “Oh, shit. I really stepped in it, didn’t I? I didn’t mean to. I just wanted you to feel welcome, especially since Luka was acting like a dick. I thought he was just in one of his moods and taking it out on you.”
Jo reached out to take Kris’s hand, squeezing it. “You didn’t know. Don’t beat yourself up, babe.”
Kit winced. He didn’t know Luka had never told them anything. Apparently Luka was still as private a person as he’d always been, keeping everything to himself, bottling things up and letting them eat away at him. Of course, Kit knew Luka had never gone to the press about leaving the band and had never made a big stink or ever seemed to want any kind of revenge. Kit knew it would have been too much to hope that he might have gotten therapy, but it hadn’t occurred to him that Luka wouldn’t have talked about his musical past with his current band. Presumably these were his friends, and it boggled Kit to think Luka could have kept such a big secret from them.
“Oh shit ,” Dmitri said, and Kit glanced at him, seeing Dmitri’s blue eyes wide with shock. “I’m an idiot, but I never made the connection until just now. He wrote most of the songs on your first album, didn’t he?” He shrugged when Kit started in surprise at his knowledge. “I’m a music geek, and I’ve been a fan of Sultana for years. The songwriting credits for Luke Peterson were really for Luka Petrov, right? It explains why ‘Luke’ was never heard from again, and no one ever seemed to know who he was.”
“Yeah.” Kit raised a hand, rubbing his forehead. He’d coming here hoping to mend fences with Luka, but apparently he’d fucked things up yet again. How come he couldn’t get anything right when it came to Luka? “He Anglicized his name when we founded the band, since he didn’t want to stand out from the rest of us.”
He remembered how excited Luka had been to distance himself from his family and make sure they could never claim any credit for his ‘success’ as part of the ‘Petrov Legacy’. It had been as important to him as coming out had been, and Kit had been all for anything that made Luka happy. Looking back, it probably hadn’t been the healthiest coping mechanism, but they’d both been young and Kit had thought it was a great idea at the time.
“I guess we were lucky he let us use the songs, but he insisted all the cello instrumentals be removed. I suppose he didn’t want to look back, but yes, all those beautiful, painful songs were his.”
The fact was that those songs are what had helped make Sultana what it was, and even though their second album had been an even bigger commercial success, some critics had been noted that the group had lost part of their edginess and the raw, visceral emotion of their previous work. A few trade rags had even noted that “Luke Peterson” had disappeared from their credits and speculated that was the cause of their different sound, but fans didn’t pay the slightest bit of attention to critics, anyway.
“So why are you really here?” Andre asked, giving Kit a narrow-eyed look.
“Yeah, why?” Kris frowned at him, suddenly suspicious. “Obviously you aren’t here out of the goodness of your heart, like you claimed.”
A quick glance at the others showed Dmitri and Andre also seemed wary now, when they had been so welcoming before. He wanted to tell them the entire truth, but he didn’t know how any of them might feel about Luka, whether they were close friends, or if one of them even had romantic feelings for Luka. So he had to settle for a partial admission. He needed their trust, or any chance with Luka would fly right out the window. He could handle dealing with Luka’s anger, but not the enmity of the entire band.
“Because I want to make it up to him, somehow. It wasn’t all my fault, to be honest, but he was my best friend. I want to earn his forgiveness, if I can. I know it won’t be easy, but I need to at least try.” He looked around at them, hoping they could somehow sense his sincerity, or else this would have all been for nothing. “It’s up to him to accept my apology or not, but I need to give it. I tried four years ago, but he wasn’t ready to listen. Maybe it’s been long enough that he’ll listen now.”
Jo actually looked sympathetic, but the others seemed indecisive, looking at each other as though at a loss. All except Kris, apparently, because she glanced at her bandmates, before stepping closer to him and jabbing a sharp-nailed finger into his chest.
“Fine, you can see if you can get him to listen. But it doesn’t matter that you’re an international star, got it? The F-Holes only exist because Luka believed in every single one of us and gave us all a chance, and he’s our friend. And I think I can safely speak for the others when I say that if you hurt him again, we’ll rip your balls off.”
“Fair enough.” Kit nodded, though he winced internally, since Kris looked like she not only meant the words, but she might just be capable of carrying out the threat. “Trust me, the last thing I want to do is hurt him again. But I know Luka like no one else does. Maybe he’ll never forgive me, but I think he needs closure as much as I do, you know?”
“Maybe so,” Dmitri said softly. “But that’s for him to decide. I like you, Kit, and I’ve always liked Sultana, but Luka is my friend. He helped get me out of a bad situation, and I owe him. He deserves to be happy.”
“Damn right he does.” Andre nodded in agreement. “I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for him. Apologize all you want, but if he says no, well, that’s the end of it.”
Kit could live with that, so he smiled crookedly. “Message received. And believe me, I know better than to push too hard with him. I just need to find the right time to approach him. I was hoping to get him to where he accepted my presence enough to eventually create an opening.”
“I think we can give you that,” Kris said. She stepped back and took Jo’s hand. “If you know Luka, you know you’ll have to go slow. And again, I’m sorry for my part in making it harder. I just had no idea.”
“I know, it’s okay,” Kit replied. “What’s done is done. You don’t have to act friendly to me just because Luka isn’t happy I’m here. I’m not going to walk out and leave you guys stranded, not unless Luka tells me to get out. And even then, I’ll take the fall with Headcrash and make sure they have someone else to step in until Jett recovers. I’m sorry for bringing all of you into this mess. It’s my fault for not thinking and just seizing the chance when I saw it. I’ll try not to screw things up more than I already have.”
The rest of the band seemed to accept his words, and he even got smiles from Dmitri and Andre. In a way, it made Kit feel more confident, too, and less like he would need to pull cloak and dagger maneuvers just to get time to talk to Luka.
Assuming, of course, Luka was ever ready to talk to him .
Greg returned then and herded them back toward the bus. It was a rather more luxurious vehicle than Kit had been expecting, and he was impressed. Then he saw Luka come out of the shower and head toward the bunks, and it occurred to him that Luka had probably paid for the bus on his own. The royalties from his songwriting credits for Sultana were substantial, so if he was pumping his money into the F-Holes, it was no wonder he considered Kit an invader.
But Kit had already managed something he’d never thought he would, getting himself into a position where he had a chance, however slight, at earning Luka’s forgiveness. It was going to be a struggle, but he expected Luka to fight him every step of the way. But he’d waited years for any chance at all, and if this was going to be his only one, he might as well go for broke the way he wanted to and try to win Luka’s heart as well.