Chapter 15 #2
"You didn't have to say it. You've never had to say it.
It's in every phone call, every visit, every dismissive comment about my 'little videos.
'" She laughed, but it came out broken. "You know what's funny?
I spent years trying to earn your approval.
Killing myself to prove I was worthy of your respect.
And you know what I realized on that island? I don't actually need it."
Silence on the other end. A silence so complete she wondered if he'd hung up.
"This marine biologist," he finally said, his voice tight with controlled anger. "Is that what this is about? You met some tree-hugger and now you're having some kind of quarter-life crisis?"
"His name is Alex. He's a marine biologist with a PhD from Scripps, and he's dedicated his life to protecting ecosystems that your golf buddies' companies are actively destroying.
" She took a breath, steadying herself. "But no, this isn't about him.
This is about me finally figuring out what actually matters.
And I'm sorry if that doesn't align with your investment portfolio. "
"You're being dramatic."
"Probably. But I'm also being honest, which is more than I can say for the past thirty years of our relationship."
Another silence, longer this time.
"When you're ready to have a real conversation," John said coldly, "you know where to find me."
"Actually, I don't think I do." Lily's voice was steady now, calm in a way that surprised her.
"Because a real conversation would require you to actually listen, and we both know that's not something you're interested in.
You can either see my talent or not, but I'm done trying to win your approval. "
She hung up before he could respond.
Her hands were shaking. Her whole body was shaking. She sank onto the edge of her bed, phone clutched in trembling fingers, and waited for the regret to hit.
It didn't come.
Instead, something else bloomed in her chest—something that felt dangerously like satisfaction.
Done waiting for approval from men who can't give it.
The thought crystallized, sharp and clear.
She glanced at the clock. 8:27 AM.
Time to face Jessica.
Jessica's office was aggressively corporate—all glass walls and motivational posters that said things like "HUSTLE" and "DREAM BIG."
Lily had always found it aspirational. Today it just gave her a headache.
"You look terrible," Jessica said by way of greeting, looking up from her laptop. "Did you sleep at all?"
"Thanks. You look exactly the same." Lily dropped into the chair across from her desk. "And no. Not really."
Jessica studied her for a long moment. Jess had been there through the early days, when WanderLily was just a dream and a borrowed camera. She'd negotiated Lily's first brand deal, held her hand through her first viral moment, talked her off the ledge during her first public controversy.
But Lily noticed things she'd been too distracted to see before. The new lines around Jessica's eyes. The slight gauntness in her cheeks. The bare spot on her left ring finger where a diamond used to sit.
"Okay," Jessica said, leaning back. "Business first, then you're going to tell me what actually happened on that island. Deal?"
"Deal."
"BrightLife dropped their sponsorship." Jessica's voice was matter-of-fact.
"Said your lack of communication was 'unprofessional' and 'inconsistent with their brand values.
' That's fifty thousand gone. TravelLux wants to renegotiate—downward.
Destinations Weekly pulled their feature.
Your engagement was down eighteen percent before this morning. "
"Before this morning?"
Jessica's expression shifted—something almost like a smile. "Your video. The one you posted at six AM without telling me."
Lily winced. "I should have run it by you first."
"Yes, you should have. It's completely off-brand. Your sponsors are going to lose their minds." Jessica turned her laptop around to face Lily. "It's also been viewed 400,000 times in the past three hours, and I've already gotten two inquiries from conservation nonprofits."
Lily stared at the screen. The numbers were climbing in real-time. Comments were pouring in faster than she could read them.
"What... what are people saying?"
"See for yourself."
This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen on this platform.
I've followed you for three years and this is the first video that actually made me feel something.
Just donated $50 to the conservation fund. THIS is what influencing should be.
THE WAY SHE TALKS ABOUT HIM. There's definitely more to this story.
Lily's throat tightened. "I didn't expect—"
"What did you expect?"
"I don't know. For people to hate it. For my audience to abandon me because I wasn't being fun and aspirational." She looked up at Jessica. "I was so tired of being fake, Jess. I couldn't do it anymore."
Jessica was quiet for a moment. Then she stood, crossed to a small cabinet in the corner, and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses.
"It's nine in the morning," Lily said.
"It's been a hell of a month for both of us." Jessica poured two fingers into each glass and handed one to Lily before settling back into her chair. "Derek moved out three weeks ago. Filed for divorce the day after."
Lily nearly dropped her glass. "What? Jess, why didn't you tell me?"
"Because you were unreachable, and also because we don't do that." Jessica took a sip, her professional mask slipping. "We don't talk about real things. We talk about engagement metrics and brand partnerships. That's the deal we made."
"That's a terrible deal."
"Yeah, well." Jessica shrugged. "It's the one I've made with everyone.
Keep it professional. Don't let people see the mess behind the curtain.
" She laughed, hollow. "Derek said I was married to my job, not to him.
That I'd spent so many years managing other people's images that I'd forgotten how to be a real person. He wasn't wrong."
Lily set down her untouched whiskey. "I'm sorry, Jess."
"Don't be. It's been coming for years. I just didn't want to see it." Jessica met her eyes. "But watching you this morning—watching that video and seeing all those comments from people who actually felt something? It made me realize I've been helping you build the wrong thing."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I've spent five years pushing you toward engagement metrics and sponsor checks. Making sure WanderLily stayed on brand." She shook her head. "But this video you made? This is the first thing you've ever created that actually matters. That could actually change how people think."
Lily's eyes burned. She blamed the lack of sleep.
“Tell me..” Jessica said, her voice gentler now. “Who’s the guy?”
“What do you mean?”
"The way you filmed him—the marine biologist. The way you talk about the island, about the research, about why it all matters." Jessica's gaze was knowing. "There's more to this story, isn't there?"
Lily opened her mouth to deflect. To make a joke and change the subject.
Instead, she said: "I fell in love with him."
The words hung in the air, raw and unfiltered.
"He's brilliant and grumpy and passionate about things that actually matter, and I fell for him like an idiot, and he didn't ask me to stay." She laughed, but it came out broken. "I stood on that dock waiting for him to say something—anything—and he just let me go."
"Oh, honey." Jessica's voice softened in a way Lily had never heard. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah. Me too."
They sat in silence for a moment, two women who'd spent years keeping each other at professional distance, finally seeing each other clearly.
"So what do you want to do?" Jessica asked. "About the channel. About... all of it."
Lily considered the question. Really considered it.
"I want to make more content like this," she said slowly. "Real content. Things that matter. I don't care if it tanks my engagement or loses sponsors." She met Jessica's eyes. "I'm done performing happiness for strangers while feeling empty inside."
Jessica nodded slowly. Then she smiled—a real smile, not her professional one.
"Okay then. Let's burn it down and build something better."
One Month Later
The video hit ten million views in its third week.
By week four, the donation counter had climbed past $400,000—more than SPECA's entire marine conservation fund had raised in the previous fiscal year.
Lily's comment section had transformed from the usual mix of fire emojis and "goals!
" into something she barely recognized: actual conversations about coral bleaching, ocean acidification, and the importance of marine protected areas.
She'd lost three major sponsors in the fallout.
BrightLife, TravelLux, and a teeth-whitening company that sent a particularly snippy email about "brand alignment.
" But for every sponsor that fled, two conservation organizations reached out.
The Nature Conservancy. Ocean Alliance. A marine sanctuary in Hawaii that wanted her to document their reef restoration project.
Jessica fielded calls while Lily threw herself into learning everything she could about conservation science.
She read research papers until her eyes crossed.
She interviewed marine biologists over Zoom, asking questions until they either got annoyed or got excited—there was rarely an in-between.
She started a weekly series called "Ecosystem Deep Dives" that her old audience mostly ignored and her new audience devoured.
It felt like building something real for the first time in years.
But underneath all the momentum, a quieter truth lingered.
Alex's research trip should have ended two weeks ago. Lily knew because she'd looked up SPECA's permit timeline—purely for professional research purposes, obviously. He'd be back in Boston by now. Back to his regular life. Back to whatever came next.
And he hadn't reached out.
She'd given him every opportunity. Her contact information was plastered across the video. Her email was public. Her DMs were—regrettably—always open. If he wanted to find her, he could have found her in approximately three seconds.
He hadn't.
He's moved on, she told herself, usually around 2 AM when the apartment was too quiet and her brain wouldn't shut up. Whatever you had, it was just an island thing. Proximity and circumstance. It didn't mean to him what it meant to you.
The rational part of her brain accepted this. The irrational part kept checking her phone anyway.
Stop it. You're building something important. Focus on that.
She was trying.
Jessica's call came on a Tuesday morning, five weeks after Lily had posted the video.
"Clear your schedule for next week," Jessica said without preamble. "Thursday and Friday. Boston."
Lily's stomach did something complicated. "Boston?"
"SPECA headquarters. I just got off the phone with Dr. Patricia Okonkwo—she's the Director of Research Operations. They want to discuss an official partnership."
"What kind of partnership?"
"The serious kind. Documentary-style content series.
Behind-the-scenes access to their research operations.
Potential funding for multi-episode educational campaigns.
" Jessica's voice shifted into deal-making mode.
"This is the pivot, Lily. The real one. SPECA has credibility, funding, and access to research sites around the world.
If we can lock in a formal partnership, it legitimizes everything you've been building. "
Lily's mind was racing.
Boston. SPECA headquarters.
Where Alex was based.
"Lily? You still there?"
"Yeah, I'm here." She forced her voice to stay steady. "This sounds amazing, Jess. I'm in."
"I already booked your flight. I'm emailing the details now." A pause. "You okay? You sound weird."
"I'm fine. Just... processing."
After they hung up, Lily sat on her couch and stared at the wall.
Boston.
The word echoed in her head, dragging all sorts of unwanted thoughts behind it.
He works for SPECA. He might be there. You might see him.
But she shoved the thought down almost as quickly as it surfaced.
He'd had five weeks. Five weeks to reach out, to send a single text, to give any indication that what happened on that island meant something to him. He hadn't. The silence was its own answer.
This isn't about him, she told herself firmly. This is about your career. About building something meaningful. About proving you're more than pretty pictures and sponsored posts.
And if some small, stubborn part of her whispered but what if—well, that part could shut up.
She was done waiting for men who couldn't find the courage to choose her. Done hoping someone else would be brave enough to say the words first.
She was going to Boston for herself.
For her work.
For the future she was building out of heartbreak and purpose.
That was all.
The night before her flight, Lily packed with the mindset of a business professional, not an influencer.
Professional blazers. Sensible heels. A folder of research she'd compiled on SPECA's current initiatives, their funding gaps, their messaging weaknesses. Jessica had drilled her on talking points until she could discuss coral restoration techniques in her sleep.
You need to walk in there as a serious partner, Jessica had said. Show them you've done the work.
Lily had done the work. She'd done nothing but work for the past five weeks—research, interviews, content creation. Anything to keep her mind occupied. Anything to fill the hollow space that Alex had left behind.
She zipped her suitcase and set it by the door.
Then, before she could talk herself out of it, she crossed to her dresser and opened the jewelry box.
The shell sat exactly where she'd left it a month ago. Pink and gold swirling together like a frozen sunset. Small enough to fit in her palm. Heavy enough to carry everything.
To remember this place, he'd said. To remember everything.
As if she could ever forget.
She ran her thumb over its smooth surface, allowing herself one moment. One breath. One acknowledgment of everything she'd lost when she'd boarded that ferry and he'd stayed silent.
Then she closed the jewelry box and turned away.
You're going to Boston, she reminded herself. You're going to walk into SPECA headquarters and pitch yourself as a serious conservation partner. You're going to build something that matters.
And if he's there—
She cut the thought off before it could finish.
He wouldn't be there. Or if he was, he'd made his choice clear. Five weeks of silence said everything his mouth never could.
Lily St. John was done chasing men who couldn't choose her.
She was choosing herself.
Whatever happened in Boston, that much was certain.