Chapter 18 #2
“No, I expect my wife to come to me if she has those kinds of needs. Particularly when she knows damn well I’m capable of meeting them.
” My tone is still sharp, but this is a hard line for me.
It’s one thing to be a million miles away from her, knowing she was in someone else’s bed, but I’ll be fucking damned if I watch it happen in front of my eyes.
“Some might even say I could exceed them to some pretty enthusiastic praise.”
“I was not trying to imply that you aren’t… capable in bed.”
“Good. Or it would be confusing why you invited me up to it the other night.”
“The other night is exactly why we can’t.”
“How do you figure?”
“We had that whole time at the ranch house when I was sick. We were getting along. Laughing even. It was almost like old times, and then the other night happened, and now it’s awkward.”
“Awkward?” I echo the word she emphasizes.
“You do remember the messy fight we got into, right? I mean, I know I’d had a drink or two, but even I remember the fight.”
“I needed to clear my conscience first. I couldn’t sleep with you knowing I still had that weighing on my shoulders, and I couldn’t exactly concentrate when you were running your hands all over me, and—”
“Stop!” she says, louder than I think she planned, given the way she winces at her own interruption.
“Please, I don’t need a recap. I remember how painfully awkward it felt.
I think you can understand that being rejected is not the best feeling in the world, even if it makes sense.
That’s why I’m saying we should set this boundary.
If we’re not crossing that line, then we can’t risk hurting one another in that way. ”
“I wasn’t rejecting you.”
“It certainly felt like you were in the moment.”
“I’ll get on my knees right now if it’ll take the sting off. Happy to show you exactly what I would have done under different circumstances.”
Her eyes flash with interest for half a second before she’s all business again.
“There aren’t different circumstances. There’s just this.
Us and now. I’ve thought this through. I know we were good at all the benefits before.
I’m not saying the sex was bad. I’m just saying it came with risks, and those are risks we can’t afford to take now.
What if I got pregnant again?” She poses the question as if it’s a problem.
But the image of her pregnant again, married to me, in our house?
Fucking hell. It’s not a problem. It’s a challenge.
One I’m more than up for if I can just get permission from her to do the work.
“Then we’d have to pick out names and set up a nursery.”
“Don’t be a smart-ass.”
“I’m not.”
“You want to tack on eighteen more years to this marriage sentence?” It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her yes. I’d take eighty if I thought she’d give that to me. But she doesn’t let me get a word in edgewise. “No. You don’t. So be reasonable, please, and respect this boundary?”
I don’t want to argue with her, and I sure as fuck don’t want her thinking I won’t respect her boundaries.
“Fine, but I have an addendum.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s me or no one, and vice versa.”
“So you want to stay celibate until she goes to college?”
“I want to stay celibate until you decide you’re ready. Then I’m yours as often as you like.”
She lets out a sharp sound from the back of her throat.
“Be serious, Bishop.”
“I’m serious.”
“You think you’re going to be able to go without sex for years?”
“I don’t think it’s gonna take you that long to remember how much you liked riding me, honey.”
“You are—this is… So far off track from the point of what we’re supposed to be discussing here.” She stumbles over her words and starts talking faster. “I need us to focus on the point at hand.”
“No sex with anyone else. I got the general gist of how those vows we’re supposed to be taking work. I’m just making sure we’re both clear on them.”
“Fine.”
“Are you agreeing to my rule then?”
“Yes. I think it’s a little unfair, given you’ve been fucking god knows who, god knows where, and I’m freshly divorced and was excited about the possibilities, but I guess we’re all making sacrifices in this deal,” she grumbles.
“I can help with any possibilities you’re interested in.”
“You can be a hot, single twenty-something guy I meet on some random beach on vacation?”
“Not exactly. But I can throw down a beach towel and fuck you like one anytime you want. And you don’t have to worry about the sand or his shortcomings. Win-win for you as far as I can see.”
“Good lord. We were having a serious conversation, and now you’re just being incorrigible.”
“You used to like incorrigible.”
“Then I grew up.”
“Then you grew cynical. Not that I blame you.” I hold up my hands when her eyes narrow. “But I think you need to let yourself have some fun.”
“I don’t have time for fun. I have a career to salvage and a daughter to raise and a family I’m trying to save from a world of hurt. Fun is an optional bonus when I have time, and I don’t.”
“Somewhere in there, someone’s got to take care of you. That’s what I’m here for, Jones.”
Her next protest dies on her lips, and her eyes search me for a minute before she folds the paper she brought with her.
“Do you have any rules or an addendum you’d like to add?” She tucks the paper back into her purse and looks at me again.
“Once a month, you let me take you out on a date. Just the two of us. No expectations and all your rules apply. You let me know when you have time in your schedule at the beginning of the month, and I’ll plan everything.”
“Spring is practically here. Summer is just around the corner. If you and Ramsey are really planning on bringing the cattle back onto the ranch, you’re going to be busy. I’ve got long days, too, overseeing field school and conferences coming up.”
“Then we’ll go somewhere they don’t mind a little dirt on my boots, and we’ll get a few more stares than usual with folks wondering what a woman like you is doing out with me.” I smirk. “I don’t mind, given the conclusion they usually come to.”
“Incorrigible.” She narrows her eyes.
“Is that a yes?”
“Once a month. Okay.” She nods. “Anything else?”
“No. That’s it.”
“Okay, well then…” She sits up a little straighter and then holds out her hand like we’re at a business meeting. “Deal?” she asks.
I take her hand, turning it palm side down, and press a kiss to her knuckles.
“Deal.”