Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
Bishop
“I can sleep in the office tonight. There’s a couch that pulls out into a bed.
Is that good with you?” I offer to stay out of her way once we’re back in the penthouse in Purgatory Falls for the night.
It’s been a long one for both of us, and I don’t want to do anything to break the comfortable rhythm we’ve been in this afternoon.
“Oh. Um.” There’s a lengthy pause, and I can see all the cogs running full steam behind her eyes as she tries to come up with an answer.
“I’ll just sleep in there. I can take my shower in the hall bath without bothering you.”
“No! I already—I’ve got Fallon’s stuff set up in there already, and she’s particular about it. She’ll know you were in there, and then she’ll have questions.”
“I can clean up after.”
“She’s sensitive to certain scents. Your body wash or cologne might bother her, and it lingers. And she has a heightened sense of smell in general, so…”
“You don’t like my cologne?”
“I didn’t say that. I just meant that it’s… I can smell it even when you’re not around if you’ve been in a room, and she might too. Then we’d have to explain all that. I’d rather not. You can use the master. We’ll have to learn to share. We might as well start now.”
As a man who’s lived alone for over a decade, despite some time in communal housing with other people accustomed to not having anything their way, this is going to be an adjustment. But I’m willing to learn.
“So master shower, but not master bed?”
“I’m not sure what to do about the bed. In the house, there’s room for an extra daybed, but here I don’t think we have room.
And there isn’t one. Unless we can get one tonight, she’ll notice we put one in.
So… I think we just have to make it work.
It’s a king-size bed, though, so there’s plenty of room for a pillow wall. ”
“And what happens when she walks in and sees her parents playing pillow fortress?” I look at Aspen skeptically.
“Well, we could lock the door. I think that’s a possibility. But if we forget, we could imply it’s something she doesn’t want to ask about. Then she stops asking and never asks again because she thinks it’s some weird sex thing and doesn’t want to know that about her parents?”
“How much time have you spent thinking about this?” I try not to smile. I’m amused and concerned all in one fell swoop, and I don’t want to react incorrectly and make this any more awkward than it is. I do my best to keep my face neutral.
“Not that much.” She tries to look innocent but fails. “Okay, maybe a little bit. I’m just trying to be prepared. I want her to be happy here. It’s another change, and you know, I worry.” Her eyes hit the floor. “I don’t want you to be unhappy either. I don’t know what your preference is.”
“I’ve told you my preference.”
“You haven’t told me where you want to sleep here.”
“In my bed, with my wife. If she feels safer with a pillow wall between us, then so be it. Although I feel like I can be trusted to be a man of my word when I say I won’t touch her.”
“Well, clearly I can’t be trusted.”
I guess she’s taking the blame for last night seriously.
“I can lock the whiskey away if you need me to.”
She narrows her eyes at me.
“I’m just trying to help.” I hold my hands up, palms out, as I take a slow step back.
“You left me with good whiskey and handwritten letters. From a much younger version of yourself. One who was pretty damn explicit in his thoughts.”
“Oh, I promise you the grown-up version is worse; he just hasn’t been putting pen to paper.” I flash her a grin, and she scowls in return.
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Flirt. This is a flirt-free zone.”
“This room or the whole house?”
“The whole thing. We can’t be flirting around each other in private. It’s too dangerous.”
I suppress a grin.
“So how are we supposed to be with each other?”
“I don’t know. Professional and polite?”
“Is that how you and Ethan were? Professional and polite?” I’m beginning to understand why it ended.
“I don’t see how that has any bearing.”
“I just want to know what Fallon’s normal was.”
“Fallon’s normal was usually not having both of us around at the same time. He was gone most of the winter months with hockey. I was gone most of the summer with field school. The rest of the time…” She shrugs. “It was a very big house. We had our own offices and rooms we spent time in.”
“Did you have separate beds or just a pillow wall?” I shouldn’t press my luck by asking, but I feel like knowing her normal will help me navigate this.
Not to mention my jealous streak is a mile wide when it comes to her.
That he had her all those years and I didn’t is going to eat away at me every bit as much as the fact that my daughter called him Dad for most of her childhood.
“That’s none of your business.”
“Sounds like separate beds then.”
“We sometimes slept in separate beds. Yes. We had different schedules. He had late practices well into the evening, and I had classes I taught early in the morning. We did what we had to do to make things work, and I resent you implying that meant something about my marriage.”
“Didn’t it? If you’re already remarried?” I smirk because I can’t help myself. I know it’s not helping my case. For certain, when her scowl intensifies.
“We had sex. That wasn’t the problem.”
“So what was all that talk about possibilities and younger men?”
“Divorce talk.” She’s curt in her reply, and I scrub a hand over my face, running my fingers through my hair before I say something I’ll regret.
“If you slept in separate beds with him, why does it matter if we do? That’s what Fallon’s used to, right?”
“It happened more frequently the closer we got to divorce. I don’t want her to think we’re going to get divorced. We’re supposed to be so madly in love we couldn’t wait to get married.”
“I don’t think she’s going to buy that.”
“Well, we have to sell it.”
“Then tell me how we get you to take a breath and relax.”
“Did you just tell me to relax? Because I promise that is the quickest way for it not to happen.” She tenses up, and I do my best to retreat.
“No, I asked how I make it possible for you to breathe easier. That’s what I’m trying to do here. I’ll sleep wherever you want. Shower wherever you want. However you want. I’ll touch you. I won’t touch you. You just have to tell me what the guidelines are so I can follow them.”
“If this is a dig about last night…” She eyes me.
“It’s not a dig. You told me it was a mistake. I accepted it. This is me just trying to make sure we don’t make any more.”
“So you thought it was a mistake?” The sharp edge to her tone has dropped, and the question is an honest one.
“Honey, I told you I’m a simple man. I’m happy with whatever you’re happy with.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“You want the honest truth, or is that gonna get us into another round of trouble?”
“I want honesty.”
“Then no, I don’t think it was a mistake.
” It was the best night I’ve had in a long time.
Since the last time I was with her, if I’m brutally honest. But I can’t say that without making her run.
She’s like a nervous mustang who’s not ready to be roped—wary and mistrusting of every move you make.
Move too quickly or talk too loudly and she’ll bolt.
“But what I think doesn’t matter. Because to you it was a mistake, and I respect that. ”
“I didn’t mean that as harsh as it came out this morning. It just feels awkward to talk about in the bright light of day. This whole thing is so very awkward, and I hate feeling off-kilter like that.”
“Did you feel off-kilter last night?”
“Honestly?”
I nod.
“No. Not in the moment. In the moment, I felt like I was drunk on confidence and in control.”
“It was sexy as hell seeing you like that.” I confess.
“So I was confused this morning when you said it was a mistake because it was the surest I’ve seen you since I’ve been back.
Like a fire was lit behind your eyes, and I loved every second of it.
It felt like I could give you the something you needed to feel like you had the reins again.
” I clear my throat when I look up and see the wide-eyed way she’s watching me.
“But I don’t want to be a regret for you in the morning.
So I just need you to tell me what you want here. ”
“You’re not a regret, Bishop. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. In the moment, it was all of those things you said it was. It was just that this morning I remembered how complicated and fragile this whole arrangement is between us, and I don’t want to break it because I get nostalgic.”
“I respect that.” I tilt my head, trying to decide whether or not I should say the other things I want to say. If it’s too risky to admit, or worse, if she’ll see it as me crossing a line she’s just drawn.
“But?” she asks.
“But I don’t want to break the rules by saying something I shouldn’t.”
“Just say what you want to say.”
“You want your pillow fort; you can have it. I’ll respect it.
No questions asked. But I’d also respect you tearing it down and using me to rebuild your confidence.
Or explore any possibilities that interest you.
I can’t pretend to be twenty, but I can pretend to be a random one-night stand if that’s what you need. ”
“A one-night stand that sleeps in the same bed?”
“Why not? Just because you choose him one night doesn’t mean it has to be the next night. Or the one after that. Or even something you think about in the morning. You’re allowed to just enjoy it for what it is. Let yourself have some fun.”
Her eyes rake over me in contemplation, like she’s waiting for me to tell her what the catch is or how someone might use it against her.
“You’ll forgive me if that deal sounds too good to be true.”
“Then you’ve got the pillow fort option to keep things safe. But the Aspen I knew never cared much about ‘safe.’”
“What do you get out of this arrangement?”
“Aspen Stockton using me for sex.” I smirk. “You know how many men would kill for that arrangement?”
She presses her lips together in an effort not to smile at my amusement and shakes her head as she lifts her gaze to the ceiling.
“I can use you for sex. No questions asked? No demands or needs on your part?”
“I already have everything I ever needed. You. Fallon. Me. All of us under the same roof. Knowing you’re safe and I’m here if you need me.
” I grin wider as I lean in closer to her.
“You climbing into my bed with my ring on your finger. Your eyes on me and my name on those pretty lips when you come. Sneaking in to take what you want in the middle of the night, the way you did last night? Yeah. I think I’m good, Jones.
I’m a simple man.” I lean back again to meet her eyes.
“A man who needs more than that doesn’t realize how good he has it. ”