Chapter 35
Clementine
Clementine
Thank you for the coffee and the ride this morning.
Alec
didn’t want u to scrape ice off ur car alone
Clementine
Last I checked, there’s no ice in the forecast.
Alec
free tonight to pick you up.
Clementine
I get off at two.
Alec
ik. see u then
Alec’s truck rumbles down the gravel drive, headlights shrinking into the dark.
The crickets pick up where the engine leaves off, the air sharp enough to sting my lungs.
I press my fingers to my lips. They’re still swollen, still humming from the last thirty minutes tangled up with him in the cab.
For a man so rugged, his lips are pillowy soft.
I should go to bed. That would be the sane thing to do. I’m exhausted after twelve hours of inventory. But I’m buzzing, like someone poured espresso into my veins. Or maybe like someone kissed me until I forgot my own name. Same difference.
I deserve one of Gran’s almond muffins and a cup of tea before snuggling up in bed. I actually slept well last night, although I did wish Alec was next to me.
I’m still smiling when I tug open the side door and—
“Jesus Christ!” I clap my hands over my eyes. “I’m sorry!”
Gran shrieks, Cody groans, and I sprint back out into the night before I can process the full extent of what I just saw. The garage keypad blurs as I jab in the code.
Of course, my grandmother is allowed to date. She is not, however, allowed to do whatever that was on the kitchen table where I eat my scrambled eggs.
The garage door scrolls upward, and—because apparently tonight is a parade of emotional ambushes—there it is. A fortress of cardboard boxes stacked wall to wall. My name scrawled across every side.
I peel off an envelope stuck to the box closest to me and unfold the note.
Clementine,
We hope you’re happy, whatever you’re doing. We miss you in rehearsals and in the dressing room. Your things have been in the storage closet since you left, but the building’s changing hands, and we have to vacate. We thought you’d want them.
We wish you the best—always.
Love,
The Ladies
My throat tightens as I skim it again. It’s all here. The life I left on a subway platform. Tutus, leotards, maybe even the dumb lavender candle we kept burning in the living room. My ghosts, mailed to me in bulk.
The garage door swings open. Gran shuffles out in her robe, cheeks pink, hair sticking up at every angle like she wrestled with the sheets and lost. For half a second, I think maybe I hallucinated the whole thing.
“Thought you’d be with Alec,” Gran says, laughing softly, like this isn’t the single most surreal ambush of my life.
“When did this show up?”
“This morning. Delivery men were very efficient.”
My chest feels crowded—by Alec, by Gran’s sex life, by this avalanche of past selves.
And suddenly, the one thing I’ve been hiding gnaws too loudly to keep quiet.
“Gran, I—I have to tell you something. Last month, I had a bit of a spiral and bought some stuff on Apple Pay. Socks and a couple of other things. I returned it all except the socks. I should’ve told you. ”
Her brows lift, kind but not surprised. “Clem, I have online banking. You think I wouldn’t notice a few charges to your account?
” The words hit like a dunk in ice water.
“I figured maybe you needed something for Wild Trails,” she continues, tying her robe tighter.
“I wanted to see if you’d come to me on your own.
But honestly? You don’t have to hide things like that from me.
You returned what you didn’t need, which was smart.
I trust you to figure these things out.”
The breath leaves me in a rush. I’d been flogging myself over socks. Socks!
“You mean I’ve been spiraling for a month, and you were just sitting there watching?”
“Hard to keep anything from me.”
“Apparently.” I sigh, but then I narrow my eyes. “The dining room table, Gran? With my boss?”
She presses her lips together in a rosy smile. “I didn’t want you to think it meant I stopped loving your grandpa. But it does get lonely here. And Cody, well, he makes me laugh.”
I cross my arms, leaning against a box labeled gala dresses. “Does he make you happy?”
Her eyes soften. “Yeah.”
“Well then,” I sigh, the corner of my mouth tugging upward, “I’m happy for you. Even if I now need to bleach my retinas.”
That earns me a grin. “And what about you? Heard Alec’s truck pulling away a little while ago.”
My cheeks go hot. I play it casual, like my insides aren’t doing cartwheels. “I like him. Don’t really know what we are, but I like being with him.”
“Sometimes that’s all you can do. Enjoy it while you have it. Everything else works itself out.”
She pulls me into a warm hug before her gaze flicks to the towers of cardboard. “Goodness, how did all this fit in your old apartment?”
“It didn’t. We had to climb over piles just to get to the fridge. Pretty sure one roommate slept on top of her costume trunk.”
“What will you do with it all?”
The answer presses against my ribs, formed the second I opened the letter. I run my hand over the edge of a box. “I think I want to sell most of it. I don’t need half this stuff, and I’m not going back to New York anytime soon.”
“You’re not?”
I shake my head, a laugh slipping out because I almost can’t believe I’m saying it. “I think I want to stay here a while longer.”
The words unlock something tight in me.
“I miss dancing. I probably always will. But I don’t miss everything else—the casting, the competition, the waking up every day already behind. My whole life was a checklist of how close I was to something I never actually got. I don’t want to live like that again.
“Since I’ve been here, life has slowed down.
I notice things. Like the way the trees smell after rain, or how quiet it is on the trail when the deer are still out.
I actually drink tea in the mornings with you instead of chugging coffee and sprinting to the subway.
I didn’t even know I liked mornings until now. ”
Gran’s eyes crinkle with a smile.
“And yeah, maybe being a cashier at Got Wood? isn’t my forever job,” I add. “But maybe I can try a few other things around town. Or something in Anchorage eventually. At least I’d still be close to you.”
My voice croaks. “I missed so much with Grandpa. I don’t want to make the same mistake with you. I don’t want to spend my life rushing past what actually matters.”
Her blue eyes shine. “I love you, darling.”
“Love you too.”
She swipes at her cheeks. “A garage sale, then.”
“I doubt anyone in this town wants my old costumes.”
“Don’t underestimate my quilting club. Half of them keep saying they want to get more active. Leotards could be their gateway drug. Shawls on top, spandex underneath.”
“Okay. We’ll try it, and I can sell the rest online. I’ll put up a flyer at Got Wood? tomorrow.”
She pats my arm like she’s already building a spreadsheet in her head. “Perfect. We’ll talk through numbers on Sunday.”
The boxes don’t loom like gravestones like I thought they would.
They’re just things. Clothes, shoes, relics of a girl who thought her worth lived and died in casting calls.
They don’t define me anymore. If anything, they’re proof I can pack up a version of myself, ship her away, and still find another—one who sleeps better, laughs harder, notices the air after rain. One who might actually belong here.
Clementine
I caught Gran and Cody doing it on the kitchen table.
You think you could build us a new one? lol
I stare at the messages. Nothing. One hour turns into three, then into twelve. Not that I should care—he warned me he’s terrible with his phone, but still. A little bubble back wouldn’t kill him.
Clementine
Did my arm workout today. Tell me why I’m already walking like a T-Rex.
*selfie in barre leotard, mid-stretch*
Don’t worry, I’m using my 60 second rest to text you. Unlike some people.
Alec
phone was lost
gran + cody??
Clementine
Yeah. Retinas ruined forever.
Also, told Gran about my sock spiral last night. She already knew.
And all my New York stuff showed up. Might need a day off training for a garage sale.
Alec
OK with me
I bite the inside of my cheek. The man can build a deck in one afternoon, but stringing words together apparently takes days.
Clementine
Anyway—double date tomorrow? Me and Yura will cook.
Alec
might be weird
Clementine
You and Finn need a first step. Why not with real food?
Alec
pushy
Clementine
You like it ;)
So?
Alec
ok
just bc u asked
Clementine
Knew I’d wear you down.