Chapter 26 #2
Callie stops, pulling at my sleeve to bring me around to face her. “Gavin, that’s not facing anything. It’s allowing toxic behavior to persist.”
I want to argue with her, but I’m fairly sure she knows far more than I do on the subject.
Her brown eyes are so bright in this light. “Listen…can I give you advice? I don’t want to overstep.”
“Aye, Callie. You can.” I want to brush my thumb over her lips and slide my fingers into her hair, but I settle for her full attention instead. The light out here is so clear and bright, making her rosy cheeks and pink mouth bright against her pale skin.
“It makes sense that you learned to lower your expectations to protect yourself. That was probably a survival skill when you were young. But strategies that help us as children don’t always serve us well as adults.
If you keep minimizing their impact, you’re also minimizing your own feelings.
Acceptance is good, Gavin, but real acceptance also means setting boundaries that protect you, not just tolerating whatever they give. You deserve more stability than that.”
Her words slam into me. I can feel the truth in them, see the patterns she’s referencing.
As a child, I didn’t have any other recourse but to accept my parents as they are and try not to let it affect the way I viewed myself.
Granny and Grandad played a large role in that.
But now? As an adult with autonomy and self-respect?
Perhaps boundaries are not a terrible idea.
If therapy has taught me anything, it is the importance of valuing my feelings.
Having Callie shine a torch on the way I’ve allowed my parents to inadvertently minimize them is unpleasant, to say the least.
Callie chews on her lip, searching my eyes. “Did I say too much or is this just you processing?”
“The second one.”
She exhales, her breath clouding in front of us. “You don’t need to do or say anything you’re not comfortable with, but just remember you’re worth fighting for, too. You can set your boundaries and be firm without disrespecting your parents.”
“Rhona has made similar points, but she framed it differently. I think she’s probably tried to get me to see things this way for a while, but I’ve been too closed-minded to accept it.”
Callie shrugs. “The parent-child relationship is extremely layered and complex. Things have to be done on your timeline.”
I want to kiss this woman. Is there a more understanding, caring, kind-hearted soul in all of Scotland?
In just the last few minutes, she brought clarity to something I’ve struggled with for the majority of my life.
I’m aware this is likely because I respond well to her and the way she crafts explanations, but gratitude still overwhelms me.
“Now the tricky part,” she says, wrinkling her nose.
“What’s that?”
“Applying it.”
“Must I?”
“No. You’re an adult. You get to choose if you want to continue toxic behavior or not. There’s definitely something to be said for doing nothing. If you continue as you’re going, then you don’t ruffle any feathers and your parents continue to speak to you as frequently as they do.”
Which isn’t much. Honestly, unless I call them or they stop in Glenbruar on their way to somewhere else, I don’t hear from my parents at all. The truth is, though, that I have something tying me to them with an unbreakable string. “They’ll never stop talking to me.”
“You’re very confident.”
“I provide them with an income,” I say. “They need the money too much to ever cut me off for good.”
Callie stares at me.
“You guys coming?” Ruby calls from the restaurant door.
Callie looks over her shoulder. “Yes, in a moment.”
“Okay.”
Once Ruby disappears and another family passes us on the street, she tucks her hair behind her ear and steps closer. “You bankroll them? How long has this been going on?”
“Since they lost everything.”
“So you bought their house and provide them with spending money.”
“I thought we’d all be living in the house together when the arrangement was made, but they purchased the campervan and took off. I don’t think they could bear to see their failure every day, and I couldn’t blame them.”
She lets out a weak scoff. “You could. You can. They’re adults, and it’s not their kid’s responsibility to save them. What you do is kind, but you’re not obligated to.”
“I know. I’ve been very blessed with the success of Leo and Johnnie. I can help them out.”
“As long as you really are happy with the arrangement.”
Happy is a strange word choice, but I am glad for the connection. “We should probably head inside. You know they’re likely all speaking about us now.”
Callie’s smile turns into a laugh. “Probably. None of this is my business anyway.”
“I’m grateful for your opinions, Callie.”
She reaches for my arm, so I take my hand out of my pocket and let her fingers lace with mine. “I really like you.”
Can men get butterflies? I always thought that was a stereotype for women, but right now they’re flapping around my stomach so hard, I think I might let one out.
Or are they moths? No, definitely butterflies. I feel all fluttery and excited.
“I like you a lot, too.”
She grins. “Who knew a snowstorm would turn us into friends? I thought this was going to be the most miserable vacation after that first morning.” She releases my hand and heads toward the restaurant door, then stops and turns back. “Hey, quick question. Do you own a kilt?”
“Aye. Why do you want to know?”
Her smile grows, showing off her even, white teeth. “Oh, no reason.”
I have a feeling I’m going to want to know this reason.
And I have a feeling I’m going to like it.