Chapter 19
Leona had given up on sleep entirely.
After returning from the loch yesterday morning, after the disastrous conversation with Murdock that had ended with him walking away from her, she’d spent the rest of the day avoiding him.
It hadn’t been difficult. He’d made himself scarce, presumably dealing with clan business or perhaps avoiding her just as determinedly as she was avoiding him.
Now it was morning again, and she found herself pacing the breakfast hall like a caged animal. The long table was laden with food, fresh bread, honey, cold meats, cheese, and porridge steaming in its pot.
Her stomach should have been growling. Instead, it was twisted into knots too tight to contemplate eating.
Six days. That was all they had before Ragnall proved true to his word.
Six days to come up with a plan that would somehow convince both the council and her cousin that she was truly betrothed to Murdock. That she was under his protection and not worth starting a war over.
Six days to figure out how to save everyone she’d come to care about in this place.
The sound of footsteps made her turn. Rufus entered the hall, Nyx draped across his shoulders like a living scarf. The cat’s golden eyes tracked Leona’s movements with lazy interest.
“Ye’re goin' to wear a hole in the floor,” Rufus observed, making his way to the table.
He reached for a piece of bread, tore off a chunk, and popped it into his mouth.
“I’m thinkin',” Leona said.
“Ye’re panickin'.” He said it matter-of-factly, without judgment. “There’s a difference.”
Leona stopped pacing and glared at him. “I’m nae panickin'.”
“Ye’ve circled the table fourteen times. I counted.” Rufus settled into a chair, carefully adjusting Nyx so she remained comfortable. “And ye’ve nae eaten anythin' since yesterday’s noon meal. That’s panickin'.”
He was right, curse him.
Leona sighed and moved to sit across from him, though she didn’t reach for any food. “Six days, Rufus. We have six days to come up with somethin' that will work.”
“I think Skye’s plan might work.” A smirk tugged at his lips.
Despite everything, Leona felt her own mouth curve in response. “On the councilmen, maybe. But nae on our cousin.”
Rufus’s expression sobered at the mention of Ragnall. “What do ye think he’ll do? Really?”
“I daenae ken.” Leona traced a pattern on the wooden table with her finger. “He’s unpredictable. Sometimes he’s calculating, cold. Other times…” she trailed off, remembering the violence in his eyes the last time she’d refused him. “Other times he’s just angry.”
“Then we’ll be ready for him.” Rufus’s voice held a determination that made him sound older than his years. “Whatever comes, we’ll face it together.”
Leona looked at her brother, at the fierce protectiveness on his young face, and felt her throat tighten. “I’ll do anything to protect ye, ye ken that, aye? Anything.”
“I ken it.” Rufus reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “But ye daenae have to. I’m the head of our family now, even if I’m young. I should be protecting ye.”
“Men should protect the ladies,” Leona echoed, a teasing note in her voice despite the heaviness in her chest. “Is that what ye’re sayin'?”
“Aye.” He lifted his chin, trying to look dignified.
The effect was somewhat ruined by Nyx choosing that moment to bat at his ear.
Leona’s smile widened. “Nyx doesnae agree. She protects everyone alone. Doesnae need any man to do it for her.”
“Nyx is a cat.”
“A very capable cat.”
They both looked at Nyx, who had settled into a loaf position on Rufus’s shoulder, her tail twitching with satisfaction. She did look rather pleased with herself.
Rufus’s expression turned serious again. “Ye shouldnae be carryin' this alone, Sister. This burden, this fear. It’s too much for one person.”
The gentleness in his voice, the genuine concern, made Leona’s eyes sting with unshed tears. She stood and moved around the table, pulling him into a fierce hug. Nyx protested with an indignant meow but didn’t abandon her perch.
“Ye’re goin' to be a good man, Rufus,” Leona whispered against his hair. “The best kind. The kind who thinks of others before himself.”
“Learned from the best,” he mumbled into her shoulder.
They stayed like that for a long moment, drawing strength from each other.
The moment was shattered by the sound of rushing footsteps and an excited voice.
“Good morning, kitty! And people!”
Skye burst into the hall like a small whirlwind, her dark hair flying loose around her face. She was followed at a more sedate pace by Murdock, who looked about as well-rested as Leona felt.
Their eyes met across the hall, and Leona felt that familiar jolt of awareness, of want, that she’d been trying to ignore since yesterday’s disaster at the loch.
She looked away first.
“Good morning, Skye,” Rufus greeted, his face lighting up at the sight of the girl.
He’d become quite fond of her over the past few days.
He’d always wanted to be a big brother, and being the youngest in his family had been endlessly frustrating.
Having Skye around, someone who actually looked up to him, was a welcome change. “How are ye this fine mornin'?”
“Very good!” Skye bounced over to them, then stopped and tilted her head, studying Leona with those too-perceptive eyes. “Do ye nae like the food?”
Leona blinked. “What?”
“The food.” Skye gestured to the laden table, then to Leona’s empty place. “Ye’ve nae eaten anythin'. Is it nae good enough? Are ye ill?”
“I’m fine, lass. Just nae hungry.”
Skye’s face scrunched up in concentration, the same expression she’d worn yesterday when trying to solve the problem of making them look properly betrothed. Leona recognized it now as a warning sign.
“Oh!” Skye’s face cleared, brightening with sudden inspiration. “I ken what we’ll do! A picnic!”
“A picnic,” Murdock repeated from where he’d stopped near the doorway. His voice was carefully neutral, but Leona caught the hint of amusement beneath it.
“Aye! Aunt Kristen and Uncle Neil do it all the time!” Skye was practically vibrating with excitement now.
“They take food and blankets and go somewhere pretty. And they’re always smilin' when they come back. So if ye have a picnic, maybe ye’ll eat.
And maybe ye’ll smile. And everyone will see that ye’re happy together! ”
Before anyone could respond, before Leona could point out the dozen reasons why a picnic was a terrible idea right now, Skye had spun on her heel and raced out of the hall.
“I’ll tell the kitchens!” her voice echoed back. “They’ll prepare everythin'!”
Silence fell in her wake.
Rufus was the first to break it, his shoulders shaking with barely suppressed laughter. “She’s very determined about this matchmakin' business.”
“She’s so stubborn,” Leona said, though she couldn’t quite keep the fondness from her voice. “I wonder who she takes after.”
“Ye’d ken better than most about stubbornness, lass.” Murdock’s voice was closer now. He’d moved deeper into the hall, though he maintained a careful distance. “Ye’re just as determined when ye set yer mind to something.”
Leona turned to glare at him and found him watching her with an expression she couldn’t quite read. Not anger. Not frustration. But something softer, more complex.
“I’m nae stubborn,” she protested. “I’m practical.”
“Ye’re both.” There was no heat in his words. If anything, he sounded almost awed. “Practical and stubborn and too willin' to sacrifice yerself for others.”
“That’s nae a flaw.”
“Didnae say it was.”
They stared at each other across the hall, the air between them heavy with everything they hadn’t said yesterday. With want and fear and the impossible situation they’d found themselves in.
Rufus cleared his throat pointedly. “I should go… check on somethin'. Somewhere else.”
He stood, carefully keeping Nyx balanced on his shoulders, and made his escape.
The cat looked back at Leona as they left, her yellow eyes knowing in a way that was distinctly unsettling.
“Ye should eat somethin',” Murdock urged, once they were alone. “Skye was right. Ye’ve grown pale.”
“I’m fine.”
“Ye’re nae fine. Ye’re runnin' on fear and determination, and that’ll only carry ye so far.” He moved to the table and began filling a plate with bread, cheese, and some cold meat. “Sit. Eat. Ye’ll need yer strength for whatever me daughter has planned next.”
Leona wanted to argue. Wanted to maintain her independence, her ability to take care of herself. But the truth was, she was exhausted. And hungry, now that her stomach had started to unknot slightly.
She sat.
Murdock placed the plate in front of her, then took the seat Rufus had vacated. He poured her some juice from a pitcher, his movements economical and sure.
“Thank ye,” Leona said quietly.
“Ye’re welcome.”
She picked at the food, taking small bites. It was good, though she could barely taste it.
Murdock watched her for a moment, then began filling his own plate.
They ate in silence. But it was not the comfortable kind that came from familiarity. It was the awkward kind that came from too many unspoken words crowding the space between two people.
Finally, Leona couldn’t bear it anymore. “About yesterday…”
“Ye daenae have to explain.” Murdock’s voice was firm. “Ye want love. Ye deserve it. I cannae fault ye for that.”
“It’s nae that I daenae…” Leona stopped, trying to find the right words. “It’s nae that I daenae want ye, Murdock. That’s nae the problem.”
His eyes snapped to hers, something dark and intense flaring in their depths. “Then what is?”
“I daenae want to be a duty.” The words came out raw, honest. “I daenae want ye to marry me because it’s the right thing to do, because it’ll solve a problem, because it’ll keep me safe. I want…” she trailed off, not sure how to finish.
“Ye want what yer parents had,” Murdock said. “The kind of love that makes the world stop.”
“Aye.”