Chapter 30
For a heartbeat, Leona couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Could only stand frozen in place, taking in the impossible sight of Murdock Lyall filling her doorway.
He looked exhausted. Travel-worn and windblown, his cloak dusty from the road, his jaw shadowed with days’ worth of stubble. But his eyes, those dark, intense eyes, were fixed on her with such raw emotion that it made her chest ache.
“Da said we had to come right away,” Skye announced, still clutching Leona around the waist. “Said we couldnae wait another moment. He was very grumpy the whole way here. Very, very grumpy.”
“Skye,” Murdock said, his voice rough. “Perhaps give Leona some space.”
“But I missed her!” Skye squeezed tighter. “And Nyx missed me, too! I bet she meowed sadly every night. Didnae ye, kitty?”
As if in response, Nyx wound between Skye’s legs, purring like a small engine. The cat’s tail was high, her yellow eyes bright with what could only be joy.
Leona’s knees felt weak. Her hands trembled as she touched Skye’s hair, needing to confirm this was real. That they were actually here.
“I missed ye too,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “Both of ye.”
Skye pulled back to look up at her, and Leona saw her own emotions reflected on the child’s face. Relief. Joy. Love.
“Then why did ye leave?” Skye asked with the blunt honesty only children possessed. “If ye missed us, why did ye go away?”
“I…” Leona’s gaze flickered to Murdock, then back to Skye. “I thought… I thought it was what I had to do.”
“That’s silly.” Skye’s expression was so earnest, so certain. “Ye should stay with people ye love. That’s what families do.”
The word hit Leona like a physical blow. Family.
“Skye,” Murdock said again, gentler this time. “Why daenae ye take Nyx and find the kitchens? I’m sure they have something nice for ye both.”
“I’ll take ye, sweetie,” Isla offered.
“But—”
“Please, wee one. I need to speak with Leona. Alone.”
Skye looked between them, her expression knowing beyond her years. Then she nodded solemnly, scooped up Nyx, and headed for the door with Isla. Rufus followed them.
Silence fell over the room when they left.
Leona stood frozen, her heart hammering so hard she was sure Murdock could hear it. He hadn’t moved from the doorway, as if he was afraid that coming closer would somehow make her bolt.
“Could we speak?” he asked finally, his voice low and rough.
“Ye came,” she said.
“Aye.”
“Why?”
Murdock’s jaw tightened. “Because I’m an idiot. Because I let ye leave. Because I’ve spent the past week wanting to drive me fist through a wall every time I walk into a room and ye arenae there.”
Leona’s breath caught. “Murdock—”
“Nay. Let me…” He dragged a hand through his hair, a gesture of frustration she remembered so well. “Let me say this. Before I lose me nerve. Before ye tell me to leave, and I have to accept it.”
He took a step into the room. Then another. Moving slowly, carefully, like he was approaching something wild and easily startled.
“I was wrong,” he said, and the words sounded like they were being torn from somewhere deep inside him. “About everythin'. About ye, about meself, about what I was capable of feelin'.”
“What are ye sayin'?”
“I’m sayin' I’m a coward.” His voice was raw, stripped of all the careful control she was used to. “I’m sayin' I let fear rule me instead of…” He stopped, struggled, then forced himself to continue. “Instead of trustin' what I felt. What I feel.”
Leona’s heart was pounding so hard she felt dizzy. “And what do ye feel?”
Murdock took another step closer. Close enough now that she could see the exhaustion in his eyes, the tension in his jaw, the way his hands were clenched at his sides like he was physically restraining himself from reaching for her.
“Terrified,” he admitted. “Absolutely terrified. Because ye’re standin' there, lookin' at me like I might actually have a chance, and I cannae breathe for wantin' ye. For lovin' ye.”
The world tilted.
“What?” she breathed.
“I love ye.” He said it like a confession, like an apology. “I’ve loved ye since ye walked into the dungeons and demanded I escape with ye. I just… I couldnae let meself see it. Couldnae let meself feel it. Because feelin' it meant riskin' becomin' me faither, and I’d rather die than—”
“Ye’re nothin' like yer faither,” Leona interrupted, finding her voice at last. “Nothin'. Ye’re kind and gentle and—”
“I killed many men in front of ye.” Murdock’s voice was harsh. “Cut off Ragnall’s hand. Beheaded him. And felt nothin' but satisfaction.”
“Ye protected me. Protected Skye. That’s what faithers do: they protect the people they love. Even if it means violence. Yer faither hurt people for power. For control. Ye hurt people to keep others safe. Can ye nae see the difference?”
“I’m tryin' to.” Murdock’s voice broke. “I’m tryin' so damn hard to see it. To believe I can be more than what he made me. That I can love ye without destroyin' ye.”
“Then believe it.” Leona reached out to cup his face in her hands, feeling the rough stubble against her palms. “Because I do. I believe in ye completely.”
“Leona…” Her name came out rough, desperate. “I daenae deserve ye.”
“Maybe nae. But I love ye anyway.”
The confession hung between them, more powerful than any weapon, more dangerous than any enemy.
“Ye…” Murdock stared at her. “Ye what?”
“I love ye.” Leona felt tears welling up, but this time they were tears of joy rather than grief.
“I’ve loved ye for weeks. Since ye let Skye scheme and plot and play matchmaker.
Since ye killed the man who would have forced me into marriage.
Since ye kissed me like…like I mattered.
Since ye opened yer home for me. Since ye protected me that first night, even though ye kent nothing of me. ”
“I kent ye’d be mine.”
The confession made her week at the knees.
“I love ye, Murdock Lyall. Every scarred, complicated, beautiful part of ye.”
For a moment, Murdock just stood there, staring at her like she’d said something impossible. Something miraculous.
Then he moved.
One moment, they were facing each other; the next, he’d closed the distance and pulled her into his arms. The embrace was crushing, desperate, like he was trying to convince himself she was real.
His whole body shuddered. “I didnae think… I never thought someone could…” He pulled back just enough to look at her, his eyes bright with unshed tears. “I want to marry ye. A real marriage this time. Nae for protection or duty or politics. For this. For us. If ye’ll still have me.”
“Aye,” she agreed without hesitation, without a doubt. “Aye, I’ll marry ye. I’ll be yer wife. Skye’s maither. Part of yer family. If ye’ll have me.”
“If I’ll…” Murdock made a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob.
“Leona, I rode for three days without stoppin' because I couldnae stand another moment without ye. Skye cried herself to sleep every night because ye were gone. Even Hamish told me I was bein' an idiot and needed to fix what I’d broken. The whole castle has been miserable without ye.”
“Just the castle?” Leona asked, a smile tugging at her lips despite the tears streaming down her face.
“Nay.” Murdock’s voice went soft, intimate. “Nae just the castle. Me. I’ve been miserable without ye. Empty. Like someone cut out me heart and rode away with it.”
“I’m sorry,” Leona whispered. “I shouldnae have left. Shouldnae have assumed.”
“Ye shouldnae have had to assume.” He brushed the tears from her cheeks with gentle thumbs. “I should have told ye. Should have said the words. Should have fought harder to make ye see that what I felt for ye wasnae obligation or duty or anythin' but love.”
“Ye’re sayin' it now.”
“Aye. And I’ll say it every day for the rest of our lives, if ye’ll let me.
” His voice dropped, became fierce with conviction.
“I love ye, Leona. I love yer courage and yer kindness and the way ye talk to Nyx like she understands every word. I love how ye never backed down from me, never let me hide behind me walls. I love that ye see the man I could be rather than the monster I fear I am.”
“Because ye’re nae a monster,” Leona insisted. “Ye never have been.”
“Maybe nae. But I was broken.” Murdock’s hands framed her face, his touch achingly gentle. “Damaged in ways I didnae ken how to fix. And then ye came along and… ye didnae fix me. Ye just loved me anyway. Cracks and all.”
“I happen to love the cracks,” Leona said softly. “They let the light in.”
Something in Murdock’s expression cracked at that. The last of his careful control, his walls, all of it crumbling down to reveal the raw emotion beneath.
“I daenae deserve ye,” he murmured.
“Then spend the rest of yer life tryin' to.” Leona smiled through her tears. “I’ll wait.”
“Ye willnae have to wait long.” His thumb traced her lower lip, and Leona felt heat bloom in her belly at the touch. “I plan to spend every moment makin' ye feel happy. Loved. Makin' ye understand exactly how precious ye are to me.”
“Murdock…” His name came out in a breath as his head lowered toward hers.
“Tell me to stop,” he murmured against her lips. “Tell me this is too fast, too soon, that ye need time to—”
Leona kissed him.
It was different from their previous kisses. There was no desperation, no restraint, no fear. Just pure, honest emotion pouring between them as his mouth moved over hers with a tenderness that made her chest ache.
“I love ye,” she whispered against his lips.
“Say it again.”
“I love ye.”
“Again.”
“I love ye, Murdock. I love ye, I love ye, I love ye—”
He kissed her harder, deeper, his hands tangling in her hair as he pulled her flush against him. Leona could feel his heart pounding against her chest, matching the frantic rhythm of her own.
When they finally broke apart, both breathing hard, Murdock rested his forehead against hers.
“Marry me,” he said again. “Tomorrow. Today. As soon as we can make the arrangements.”
“Me maither will want a proper ceremony,” Leona said, laughing breathlessly.
“I daenae want to wait.” His voice was rough with need. “I’ve already waited too long. Wasted too much time bein' afraid. I want ye to be me wife. Want to wake up beside ye every mornin' and fall asleep with ye every night. Want to watch Skye grow up with ye beside me. Want—”
“Aye,” Leona interrupted. “Aye to all of it. We’ll have whatever ceremony ye want, whenever ye want. I daenae care about the details. I just want ye.”
“Ye have me.” Murdock’s eyes blazed with intensity. “All of me. Forever.”
“Then show me,” Leona whispered, her hands sliding up to curl around his neck. “Show me what forever looks like.”
For a moment, Murdock just looked at her, his expression caught between wonder and desire. Then he bent and scooped her up into his arms, carrying her toward the bed with a sureness that made her breath catch.
“Are ye certain?” he asked, even as he lowered her onto the soft bedding. “We can wait until after the ceremony. Until ye’re me wife in truth—”
“I’m already yers in truth,” Leona said, pulling him down to her. “Have been since the moment ye told me about yer maither. Since ye trusted me with yer pain. Since ye let me see the man beneath the weapon.”
“Leona…” Her name came out reverent, worshipful.
“I love ye,” she said again, because she couldn’t say it enough. Would never tire of saying it. “I love ye, Murdock Lyall. Now, show me that ye love me too.”
His kiss was answer enough. Deep and claiming and full of promise. And as he settled over her, his weight welcome and right, Leona felt something inside her click into place.
This. This was what she’d been missing. Not just desire or passion, though there was plenty of both. But this sense of completeness. Of coming home.
“I love ye,” Murdock whispered against her lips, her throat, her skin. “I love ye so much it terrifies me.”
“Then be terrified,” Leona said, arching into his touch. “Be terrified with me. Be everythin' with me.”
“Everythin',” he agreed, his voice rough with emotion. “Forever.”
And as their lips met again, as his hands began to show her exactly how much he meant those words, Leona felt the last of her doubts fade away.
This was right. This was real.
This was love.