Chapter Eleven #2
But Kade Mackenzie was mine. A wave of zealous possessiveness undermined my self-control. “What I want, Maisie, is for you to stay away from my husband,” I said, and I had never heard my voice sound so forceful and direct.
Maisie looked temporarily stricken, but she recovered quickly. She twirled a lock of her hair around one finger. “Whatever do you mean, Stella?”
I stood, overcome by the image of Maisie, in all her voluptuousness, revealing herself to my husband. “You know what I mean! You offered yourself to Kade! How could you do such a thing? He’s not Wilkie, he’s Kade! My husband!”
“You never wanted him!” Maisie countered.
“It was me who was meant to marry a Mackenzie!” Maisie broke down into impassioned tears.
Bonnie went to her, patting her head, smoothing her hair as she wept.
I felt little empathy for her. “You don’t deserve him,” Maisie blurted out weepily.
“You can’t give a man like that what he truly wants. ”
“I didn’t want him then, Maisie, but I want him now.
And you’re wrong about that. In fact, I can give him precisely what he wants.
” Beneath my anger and my jealousy, I felt the twinge of a new insecurity.
Was I giving him what he wanted? I thought of his ecstasy under my touch, his revelatory release, and I knew that I had begun to give him what he wanted.
But there was so much more I could give, if he would only let me.
Maisie wiped at her tears. “But what of Caleb?” She was already feeling remorse for her uncaring outburst. “I was only trying to help you, Stella. I thought...if Kade strayed first, then you could be with your beloved Caleb, as you wanted from the start.”
“Aye, Stella,” urged Bonnie. “Do you still have feelings for Caleb?”
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.
“He wants to see you. Right now.”
* * *
THE THOUGHT OF what I might say to Caleb, after all that had happened to me since we’d last been together, was unsettling.
Two very distinct desires warred in my head.
I thought of the fond memories: the soothing effect his presence had once afforded me, the gentleness of his approach, and how novel that had seemed to me at the time, after all the roughness I’d endured at the hands of men.
But much had passed since Caleb had been exiled.
Much had changed. I had changed. I was a married woman now.
Aside from the technicality of the marriage vows themselves, I now understood that I shared a very real and powerful connection with my new husband that only continued to intensify each time I saw him.
Aye, Kade’s aggression had initially stirred my deepest anxieties.
But now, after nearly a month as his wife, I knew there was more to him than aggression.
I knew there was compassion. I knew there were wildly appealing layers to his personality and his motivations that I had only barely begun to discover.
And I wanted to discover them. I wanted to discover him.
As sweet as my memories of Caleb were, I didn’t want his reintroduction into my life to undermine this complex and intriguing quest.
Or did I?
It was this indecision that unnerved me most of all.
“I can’t visit him now,” I said. “I’ve work to do. My husband has appointed me in charge of the refurbishments of the manor.”
My sisters—aside from Maisie, who already knew of my strange new pastime—stared at me in openmouthed surprise.
“And,” I continued, ignoring their shock, “I’d like it very much if you would accompany me.
You may choose any area of the keep that you’d like to assist with.
You might find you enjoy it, as I have. ’Tis really rather rewarding to watch a room transform from one that’s dirty and unkempt to one where you’d actually like to spend your time.
There were some difficulties at first, but the staff is working well after my husband talked to them.
The food is somewhat improved, although I still think we could do better.
And I’ve a group of young girls I’ve recruited whose job it is to collect the wildflowers—there are some lovely ones this time of year. ”
I couldn’t help noticing a change in Clementine’s expression.
She seemed almost...excited. It was a look I hadn’t seen on her face for some time.
“Aye, Stella, we’ll help you,” she said.
Then, quietly, as though she feared voicing the question aloud: “But what of Father? Won’t he be angry with us for interfering? ”
“My husband has promised his...protection.” I hoped for a fleeting moment his sworn protection would extend to my sisters.
But then, Kade was staunchly dedicated to his own family—his sisters included.
I’d witnessed their close family ties firsthand, and I’d been amazed by their camaraderie.
I felt entirely certain that Kade would step up if any threat was posed to my sisters.
If I hadn’t felt this certainty, I would never have suggested they come with me.
As it was, they seemed surprisingly eager to help.
Only Bonnie and Maisie bowed out, claiming that they had other matters to attend to.
Lottie and Clementine followed me down the stairs.
And they were intrigued already, I could see, at the difference.
The morning was cold and gray. Outside the windows, winter’s promise hung in the cold wind and the steady drizzling rain.
The hall, though, as we entered it, was warm and cozily lit, with the fire crackling in the grand stone fireplace.
Candles ensconced into inlaid nooks of the stone walls flickered, casting a pleasant glow into the large space.
A large bouquet of late-autumn flowers was placed in the middle of the largest table, giving the room an added measure of grandeur and sophistication.
It was I who had gathered and arranged the flowers and I was pleased by the way their rich green and gold colors complemented the tapestries, which had been taken out of doors and beaten until all the many years of dust had blown away.
Without the dust, the weaved images came to life, depicting scenes of hunts and landscapes.
These tapestries had been weaved by my ancestors, my kin, and I was proud that they were being restored and newly appreciated.
They gave a magical aura to the room, as though they presented windows into past glories and future possibilities.
And the hall itself was spotlessly clean. Cleaner, in fact, than I had ever seen it. I’d watched and helped in past days as the staff attended to their work with a renewed enthusiasm, but the overall effect, as I viewed it as though with the fresh eyes of my sisters, was quite remarkable.
“Stella,” Clementine gasped. The scent of freshly baked bread wafted from the kitchens, and as we entered, all the workers looked up, pausing in their tasks to greet us. Isla seemed especially welcoming and rushed over to me.
“Milady,” she said, “we’ve lit the fire early this morning, since the day is chilled.”
“I noticed that, Isla. ’Tis so inviting. I’m going to mention to my husband what a pleasing job you’ve done.”
She clasped her hands together at this pronouncement.
“I thank you, milady. My grandson has already grown an inch, I swear it, since I’ve been feeding him the extra rations of meat your husband has given me.
I’ve been promised a fur if my work pleases you.
It would be so nice to have the extra warmth this winter. ”
“I’m going to tell him as soon as I see him, Isla,” I assured her, “that I think you deserve two furs—one for you and one for your grandson.”
Isla’s face lit up. “Would you? Oh, I’d be so indebted.” She seemed almost overcome with the possibility. “I don’t know how to thank you. I truly don’t.”
“There’s no need to thank me, Isla. You deserve all the rewards you’re given. Your hard work of past days is obvious. This manor is slowly coming back to life. It is I—it is we,” I said, gesturing to my sisters, “who are indebted to you.”