Chapter 17
Missy
Ithought having the surgery out of the way would mean I would feel like I could actually breathe again.
It didn’t. I had to rely on my one-step-at-a-time strategy.
Pay for my parking. Get on the road. Then…
what? I had GPS on my car display linked to my phone, and I hesitated as I went to type in my Kamloops address.
Blair’s house was closer. There would be someone there to help me, rather than a layer of dust and an underwatered house plant.
Amazing sex aside, I was a wreck and I needed someone there to have my back.
I set the address to Blair’s and left the hospital in my rearview mirror.
Traffic was a nightmare on my already frayed nerves, and by the time I got to my destination, I was depleted.
I wanted to throw my car fob into the bushes and never have to get behind the wheel again.
Focusing on driving while wanting to have both eyes on my child was clearly impossible, and I was spent.
Luckily, she was still groggy and slept peacefully as I cursed and swerved and cried my way there.
Before I was even out of the car, Blair was there to help with my stuff.
I got into the house to find he had picked up diapers and a few more clothes for Sophia.
I had told him at the hospital that I was running out, and the fact that he made the stop so I didn’t have to meant the world.
I got Sophia settled in the middle of the bed in the spare room, and when I returned to the living room, I expected Blair to pepper me for answers about our relationship, but he didn’t.
“Are you hungry? I’m not much of a cook, but I make mean eggs and toast.”
I nodded gratefully. “Eggs and toast sound perfect.”
We ate in silence. No pressure. No questions. Just time to be alone with my thoughts. When we were done eating, I pulled him into a hug that I didn’t want to let go of. “Thank you for everything.”
I went to take a shower and wash away the day—the hospital, the stress, and the tight feeling in my chest. I ran my hands over my body, not lingering on the lumps and bumps like I usually do.
I didn’t want to be what my mother raised me to be, and with each day and each independent act, I was getting further from her and closer to being me.
I had changed a tire. I’d gotten dirty. I’d driven a big truck.
And most importantly, I had been what my daughter needed me to be when she needed it.
I had more work to do on myself, but there was one thing I could do right now.
It was a small act for most, but big for me.
It was something my mother would hate, but would bring me joy and clarity on who I was and what I wanted.
I finished my shower, ran a comb through my hair, and brushed my teeth before reaching for the door handle and walking out of the room.
I found Blair on his bed playing on his phone. He looked up when I walked through the door.
His eyes went wide. “Missy.” He tossed his phone aside and climbed off the bed, never taking his eyes off of me. “Are you okay with me seeing you like this?”
“You mean naked?” I nodded. “As long as you are okay seeing me like this.”
He smirked. “More than okay.” He paused. “Do you want the lights off?”
I shook my head no. “You showed me the kind of person you are today, so I want you to see me. If we both like what we see at the end of the day, well, maybe all that other stuff isn’t really a problem after all.”
He reached out, running his hands over my stomach and around my back. I leaned into his touch rather than away from it. “Missy, I hope you know I understand what I am signing up for if I date you, and I—”
I put a finger to his lips. “Let’s do the fun part first and talk after.”
“Fuck yes.” He grabbed me and turned me around. I landed on my back on the bed and stifled a squeal.
He was dressed and I was fully exposed, but somehow that didn’t bother me at all. He worked his lips over my jaw and down my neck, his hands caressing my breasts before moving to rest on my stomach.
“Now that I have access to every beautiful part of you, there’s something I’ve been dying to do,” he said. He pushed back, hooking one of my ankles over each of his shoulders and settling in between my thighs. He used his fingers to separate my folds, and then his tongue was on my center.
Every muscle below my belly button clenched at once, and my heels dug into his back.
Absently, I thought of his injured shoulder, but then his tongue circled around my clit, and all rational thought shattered and fell.
I put a hand over my mouth to muffle the moans as he continued his slow, steady exploration of every inch of my most private place.
He pulled back to watch my face as he slid one long finger inside of me.
“God damn, Missy,” he said. “You feel so fucking good. I’m going to watch you come apart on my hand and then I’m going to feel you come around my dick.”
He worked his finger in and out, his thumb tracing moisture over my clit.
I had always been too self-conscious to talk during sex, but Blair’s words and the fire in his eyes as he watched me writhe under his hand was enough to do me in, and I bucked and shattered under his hands.
He moved back up my body, thumbs circling my nipples, causing little aftershocks to spiral through me.
“God, you look sexy when you moan for me,” he continued.
When his lips met mine, my heart felt full.
This man, who had my back more in two days than my child’s father has her entire life, was worshiping my body like it was the best thing he had ever seen, had ever tasted.
I guess that was the difference between sex out of obligation and sex out of passion.
I pushed him back. “You have way too many clothes on.”
He stood up, and his pants and boxers hit the floor. He was hard, his dick weeping for me. I’d never felt more like a desirable goddess than I did then.
“I might need your help with the shirt,” he said. He sat on the bed, and I got up on my knees to work it over his shoulder, but as soon as his face was level with my chest, his lips were on my nipple.
My head fell back. “Jesus why are you so good at that?” My hands tangled in his hair, and he had me on my back again, his shirt still tangled around his neck and one arm.
He grabbed a condom from the bedside drawer and held it up between us. “I want to see all of you this time. No hiding from me. Is that okay?”
I nodded, and he rolled onto his back, pulling me over until I was straddling him.
Unlike last time, though, we were face to face—no masks, no shadows.
He was seeing me and I was seeing him in the light of day, with all of our flaws and cracks and worries, and we were coming together anyway.
He put the condom on in record time and held himself by the base, and I slowly lowered onto him.
I started to work my hips up and slowly back down—feeling the sensation blossom out from my core and dance through my extremities, leaving only tingles of good feelings behind them.
He reached up, his hands landing on either side of my face and holding me close.
My eyes were on his, and he started to work his hips up to meet mine.
“Watch me, baby,” Blair said. “Watch what you do to me. Feel how hard I am for you, and how fast you make me come. And never question how sexy you are again.”
He picked up his speed, and I did the same, transfixed by the drunk look of lust in his eyes, by the way his mouth was slack open, and how his muscular chest was rising and falling faster and faster.
God, it was so sexy to watch that I came again. It was harder this time, egged on by the way he was hitting me in just the right place and by the ferocity of his gaze.
“Fucking hell. I can’t last around you,” he grunted as he came, thrusting rapid strokes before collapsing onto his back. There was a sheen of sweat around his hair line, his blankets were bunched, and his shirt was half strangling him. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen.
I made to move off of him, but he stopped me with a tug on my arm.
He locked his eyes on mine. “Stay with me, Missy. Please. I don’t mean right this second. I mean stay here, until Sophia is better. A week, two, as long as you can. I want you, and I want her, and I want us.”
I swallowed. “Us?”
He nodded. “I know what it means, and I know it will be hard, but I also know if I have your back and you have mine, then we don’t need anything else.”
I nodded and leaned down for a kiss. “Then us it is.”