Chapter 14 - Hazel
I’m trying to slow my heart, but it all felt so real. It was all happening so fast. I couldn’t control my body as it shook. Asher held my shoulder, looking at me with worried eyes. “Hazel, just look at me. Deep breaths.”
I tried to breathe, but my lungs felt like they were seizing. He pressed his forehead against mine, his touch hot against me. “Deep, slow breaths. In and out. In and out.”
My lungs burned, and my heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute. He remained there, holding me still, whispering over and over. A calming voice in the storm.
“Breathe, Hazel. Just breathe.”
I closed my eyes, focusing on slowly pulling air in. I felt tears burning in my eyes, still seeing it all happening. “Hazel, talk to me.”
I blinked, still trying to piece it together. The nightmare had grown more vivid, and the feeling of being watched was growing stronger. I looked around the room, feeling that sensation I had once felt when I was younger. It was a burning beneath my fingers.
“Hazel?” Asher cupped my face. “Talk to me. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”
I slowly took a breath in. I could see the fear in his eyes, and I knew I had to tell him. I couldn’t keep to myself anymore. You smell the magic like I had uncorked it. “I had another nightmare. Just like the last one.”
He frowned. “When did you start having nightmares like this? Were you having them before you moved in? Does anyone else know about them?” He leaned back, his hands not letting go.
I swallowed, hating to admit this. It sounded so bad. If he knew, what was he going to think? It looked like I’d been hiding the truth.
“Ever since my kidnapping, I’ve had them. They were mostly of darkness and that feeling of being watched. But they’ve only grown since.”
I felt a few tears break free. “I don’t want you to hate me or look at me differently.” My voice cracked, knowing it was selfish. I should have told someone sooner.
He frowned, shaking his head. “I won’t.”
He would. I knew he would. Because a part of me wasn’t the same, a part of me was dark. And he had to worry about the safety of the pack.
“I think….I mean, I know I have magic again.” I sniffled. “But I don’t think it’s all good.”
His eyebrows pressed together, and he shook his head. “What do you mean?”
I frowned. “I think I can feel them….that a part of me is connected to them.”
I waited for his face to shift, for that puzzle piece to slide in, and for him to understand what I was saying. But he didn’t. He just held me. He pulled me in tightly, running his hand through my hair.
He pressed his lips against my hair. “If you think you’re evil, you’re not.”
“But what if I am?” I cried, pushing my face into his chest. I hated the idea, hated even voicing the words out loud, but it was true. Since my return, I’d felt a pull toward the darkness. It felt like it had been shoved under my skin, and no amount of scrubbing was going to clean it away.
And now I felt magic. But it wasn’t the same as before. It was different, and it felt hotter. My magic had been like a tingle, but this feels like fire through my veins.
“I’m sorry. If you want to tell Brandon and have me locked up, I understand.”
Asher leaned back, cupping my face once more. I could see anger in his eyes now. “Why on earth would I have you locked up, Hazel? You are not evil. You are not a terrible person. You are nothing compared to them.”
“But I’m connected. I can feel the darkness. Does that mean they can use me? That they could…make me do something?”
He shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell anyone before now? Jesus, Hazel. You…” He froze. “Is that why you’ve been so distant? Why you’ve…changed? Because you’re afraid?”
How else was I supposed to protect everyone? I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t run because I had a feeling I wouldn’t get anywhere. I couldn’t continue living my life as if nothing had changed, because it had.
“Jesus Christ.” He threw his head back and pulled me closer. “Fuck, Hazel.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.” He sounded angry now. “Fuck, this isn’t on you. We have failed you. All of us have failed in not seeing your pain and this fear. We should have.”
“But I didn’t tell you.”
“And we should have asked.” He held me tighter. “We should have noticed that something wasn’t the same.”
I sniffled, allowing myself to take in his warmth. I felt his arm rubbing my back, and his chin rested on my head. I stared at the wall. “I just want to feel normal again.”
His arms tightened. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t notice your pain sooner.”
I chewed on my cheek. “Are you going to tell Brandon?”
“We have to. Have you told anyone? The witches? Your sister?”
I shook my head. “No. I haven’t told anyone.”
He nodded. “Okay. I’m going to call Brandon. You try to get some sleep. We will meet with them right away in the morning.”
I nodded, suddenly missing him as he slipped out of my bed. I watched as he walked out. I clung to my sheet, not sure if I could fall asleep again. My mind was racing.
I pulled the sheet up and stared at the door. I could hear Asher talking softly in the hallway. His footsteps went up and down the wood, making the same sound. After a couple of minutes, he appeared back in the doorway.
“We will have a meeting in the morning around eight.”
I slowly nodded, my finger tightening around the sheets. What if everything changed? What if they weren’t as calm as Asher was? What if they wanted to lock me up?
Asher moved closer. “Hazel, are you okay?”
I shook my head. “Can you stay?” I bite my cheek. “Please?”
Asher offered me a small smile and nodded. He moved closer, pulling the sheets up, and slid underneath them. He pulled me close, and I rested against his chest. I inhaled his scent, allowing myself to relax in his arms.
“Everything is going to be okay,” he whispered as he pressed his face into my hair. “I promise.”
“You can’t promise that,” I whispered back.
“I can.” I felt him kiss the top of my head. “And I do.”
I don’t know when I fell asleep, but I did. I slept peacefully and had no dreams. I just slept, and for the first time in a long time, I felt normal.
I woke up to Asher asleep. He was still holding me against his chest, his head propped up on his other arm. He looked calm and relaxed. A part of me wondered if he’d slept peacefully with me.
But I shook the thought away. I knew we had a meeting, and my stomach dipped at the thought of it. I didn’t know what was going to happen.
Asher moved, and his eyes opened. He stared at me and softly smiled. “Hey, how did you sleep?”
“I slept well.” I was afraid to move, not wanting to break this warmth and safe space between us.
“Are you ready to get up?”
I shook my head. “Five more minutes?”
His hand brushed my hair. “Just tell me when.”
Twenty minutes later, we left for the meeting. I felt my heart was racing as we walked the halls to the meeting room. I had expected the guys, but I wasn’t expecting my sister and the other witches.
Gabriella swung out of her chair as soon as she saw me, her eyes growing wide. “Hazel!” She ran across the room, quickly pulling me into her arms. “What’s going on? What happened? You look terrible.”
I couldn’t speak, let alone find words. I stammered, and she looked at Asher, pissed. “You told me you were going to protect her! What the hell, Asher! I trusted you!”
“He didn’t do anything,” I snapped at her. “If anything, he’s the only one who’s cared!”
Gabriella looked stunned as her eyes turned back to me. She looked hurt, unable to form a word. “What the hell does that mean? All I’ve done is care about you!”
I suddenly felt angry. I knew it was wrong because Gabriella had constantly asked if I was okay. Every morning, she was right there, reaching out to help, but I’d refused. A part of me didn’t know if she would understand. I was afraid she would look at me differently.
Her arms crossed. “Do you think I don’t care? Is that what you think?”
“That’s not….No, I know you care. I just..”
“Gabriella,” Westley’s voice was soft. “Give her room to explain. This isn’t about you.”
We both looked at Westley, and I could see the hurt cross her face. She turned and went back to her seat.
Asher spoke up. “Hazel has gotten a hold of her magic.”
“So, we heard,” Chelsey said, her eyes looking at me. “What we don’t understand is why we need a huge meeting about it.”
I swallowed, knowing I would have to say the words. “I have been having nightmares since my kidnapping.”
I watched as Gabriella’s eyes grew wide at this.
“They were just simple, uhmmm…But I could feel the darkness. Over the past week or so, they have grown more vivid. I get strong feelings, like they are connected to me. And I think my magic is connected to them. It’s not the same as it was before.”
Chelsey stared at me, her eyes scanning me over like she was trying to see underneath my skin.
“I know I’m a danger to the pack.”
Chelsey quickly shook her head. “Is that what you think?”
I nodded. “If I’m connected, doesn’t that mean they can use me?”
Chelsey shook her head. “There is a lot about magic we know, a lot that we still have yet to understand. You and your sister getting your magic back is impossible, yet you’ve done it.”
“I don’t think this magic is the same. It’s different. It’s…darker.”
Gabriella swung up. “You don’t have dark magic!”
“You don’t know that,” I whispered.
“We would feel it,” Marie said, offering a gentle smile. “And it’s not that simple as good and bad. You actually might be the answer to our problem. If you are connected, you’ll be able to tell us what’s going on the other side.”
“What exactly are you seeing in your nightmares?”
“It’s the woods, and I’m always feeling watched. I’m running or walking in a giant open space.”
“Can you pinpoint where in the woods? Is it the same place or a different location every time?”
I didn’t know. I was more focused on getting out than on figuring out where I was. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I think we can say that we need to start training,” Brandon announced. “Focus on getting your magic figured out and have you do some one-on-one research with Chesley.” Brandon looked at Asher. “And you’re still in charge of watching after her.”
Asher nodded. “I know that wasn’t going to change.”