Chapter 17 - Asher
I found myself intoxicated with Hazel. She was easy to joke with, and she joked back.
She had a wicked sense of humor, and the more we talked, the more we enjoyed the same things.
Over the next couple of days, I found myself drawn to her, even seeking her out as my little ray of sunshine for the day.
I woke up to find Hazel in the living room, staring at the pictures. She was staring at them intently as she held a glass of orange juice. She stirred her drink as she moved, looking from one photo to the next.
“Morning, Wifey,” I teased as I walked into the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee. She looked away from the pictures and smirked at me. “Morning, Hubby.”
“What are you looking at?”
“Your photos.” She waved a hand at them. “You have so many of them, and they are all at different locations. You must have been all over the world.”
“I have.” I took a seat at the island. “I backpacked all over Asia and Europe. I spent a month in China and some time in Russia. I’ve honestly lost track of how many places I’ve been, so it’s a good thing I have photos.”
“You’ve had such a huge life.”
I watched sadness flicker in her face.
“You have too.”
She shook her head. “My trips are to the bank or work. Nothing like this.”
“Well, those are important,” I tease.
She smirked. “You know what I mean. You’ve really explored. You’ve been everywhere, and you’ve met so many people.”
“I like visiting new places. I like the culture and the quiet.”
She clicked her tongue. “I always figured it would be busy and confusing going somewhere new. Not knowing anything.”
“It is,” I admit. “I research before I go, so I know at least a little something when I’m there. I do meet a lot of people, but at the end of the day, when everyone is going to bed, I’m left alone. It’s peaceful. It’s beautiful to take it all in.”
She softly smiled. “That sounds nice.”
“I can take you next time I go. It’s been a while since I’ve been out. I have plenty of vacation time built up.”
She blushed. “You don’t have to offer that, Asher. I mean, when this is all figured out, we don’t really have to stay married anymore. We can go our separate ways.”
My heart ached at her words, knowing I wasn’t sure I wanted that. It felt weird to think that this wouldn’t continue, that she wouldn’t always stay my wife after this was over.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t take you as a friend. We can still be friends when this is all said and done.”
Because that’s what we were right, friends? But did I want us to be friends after this? Did I want this to end?
She took a sip of her orange juice. “Are we friends? Is that how you would describe me?”
“Maybe.”
She moved closer, taking a seat next to me. “You’ve fucked your friends?”
I nearly choked on my coffee, and she had a vixen smile spread across her face. She knew fully well she did that on purpose.
“No, but I also have never opened my home up to a woman like you, so maybe we are a different type of friend. A better type.”
She chuckled. “Maybe.” She looked down at her glass. “I’ve always wanted to go to France.”
“And I’m guessing Paris?”
She laughed. “I mean, doesn’t everyone want to go to Paris? Yes, but France. I want to take in the culture and the food.”
“I can take you to France.”
“Really?” Her eyes sparkled at the offer.
“Yeah, I can take you for my next trip. We can plan it out and explore some spots that I’ve been to before.”
She softly smiled. “Do you think we can be friends when this is all said and done? Do you really think it’s possible for us?”
I nodded, suddenly wanting to ask her why it had to end. Why couldn’t we stay this way? A part of me knew that I liked her more than just being friends. That was a part of me that belonged to her and always would.
But I doubted she felt the same. Hazel might have been calm and friendly, but that didn’t mean she was opening her heart up to me.
“I don’t see why we couldn’t be.”
She pulled herself up. “Well, I need to go and get dressed for my training. Fingers crossed I actually accomplish something today.”
“You’ve accomplished a lot.”
She scrunched up her nose as she turned, hurrying up the stairs. I watched her walk, feeling a longing for her. I knew what this feeling was, what I wanted. But I knew better.
I headed out to survey around town. I checked in with Brandon to ask how their last hunt went. It seemed they were coming up empty-handed every time they went there.
It was strange because we knew they were out there. We didn’t know where.
“How has training been going for Hazel? Has she come up with anything new?”
I shook my head. “No, nothing new. It’s the same location every time. Same spot.”
Brandon rubbed at his eyes. “We need to find this location. There has to be a reason she’s seeing it. Have they looked into it?”
“They are trying to. But in her dreams, she’s moving.” She’s told me her nightmares. She explains she’s in an open plain and it’s calm. But it changes. One time, it started raining. Another time it was snowing. It’s never the same in that second part of her dream.
I’m thinking it is, but different times? I didn’t know. I didn’t read into dreams.
I arrived back at home and found the living room light on. I unlocked the front door and found her sitting cross-legged on the living room floor. Her eyes were closed as she sat there. I raised an eyebrow at her. “What are you doing?”
“Training,” she said, her shoulders stiff and her fingers tight at her knees. Her eyebrows scrunched together, and wrinkles formed on her face. “I’m trying to connect to the dark energy.”
I frowned. “Didn’t you have training with Nora or Jade today?”
She nodded. “I had an hour training with Nora, but I wasn’t getting anywhere, so I decided to try doing it here. I figured the change of scenery might help, but it hasn’t. I feel nothing.”
I frowned, knowing she was pushing herself too hard. I knew that the pressure and trying to train in a short time could be a lot to handle. “Maybe you just need to take a break. Eat some food, relax a little.”
“I’m fine.” Her voice came out clipped, and her lips formed a thin line. “I just need silence.”
I took that moment to turn and head into the kitchen. I pulled out some leftovers and nuked them in the microwave. I sat at the island and ate. I could hear her sighing heavily behind me, a few curse words every few moments.
I finished my plate and set it into the sink. She was still sitting on the ground, unmoved. But I could feel the tension as I stepped into the living room.
“Why don’t you take a break. Take a shower or have something to eat. I can heat up some leftovers for you.”
“I don’t have time to take a break, Asher.
” She crossed her arms, and anger crossed her face.
“I have gotten nowhere with this. I haven’t had any nightmares that are giving me any new information.
I can’t even pinpoint where these nightmares seem to be.
I haven’t felt a connection since that one time.
I can’t take a break when I’m clearly not working hard enough. ”
I stepped closer. “Hazel, you can’t push yourself too hard. If you overwork yourself, you’re not going to learn.”
“You don’t understand!” She snapped at me as she pulled herself up. “You’re not a witch, so you have no idea what this feels like! You don’t get it! This is not something that you can relate to! Stop telling me to relax when you can’t relate!”
“I’m just trying to give you some advice. I know I can’t relate to how you’re feeling, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you if I can.”
“I don’t want it!” she screamed at me, throwing her arms up. “I have told you over and over that I do not want your help!” She stormed into the kitchen. “Stop making me feel worse than I already do!”
I frowned, following her. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Hazel. I’m trying to help. I just want to help.”
“Well, you’re not helping!”
I threw my hands up. “Then tell me what I can do to help. What will make you happy?”
I watched her shoulders drop. She looked away from me.
“I don’t know. I don’t know how to do anything.
I am trying so damn hard to make this work, trying to connect the dots and feel that Jade and Nora said is right in front of me, but I don’t.
I feel like a wall is dividing me from everything else, and I can’t get over it. ”
She rubbed her hand through her hair. “I feel like I’m failing over and over.
I can feel everyone is waiting for me to get there.
I walk anywhere, and people watch me. I know that they are waiting for me to just magically piece it all together.
Every time someone tells me I’m going to get there, I just want to hit them. ”
“Do you want to hit me? Will that make you feel better?” I moved closer, spreading my arms out. “You can hit me.”
“No! I just..” She paused, and I watched her huff for air. “I just don’t understand. I’ve done the research, I’ve sat in silence, I’ve trained with the others, and nothing seems to help. I am exactly where I was when I started.”
I took a step toward her, and she took one back. Her shoulders sagged as she swallowed. Her anger simmering, and I noticed fear and despair took their place. “I feel like I’m failing you,” she whispered.
I moved closer, reaching out for her and pulling her into my arms. “You’re not failing me. You could never.”
She sniffled, and I wished I could make it better. I wish I had the answer to her problems and knew how to help. But she was right, I wasn’t a witch, and I couldn’t help with that. I could only be there for her.