Chapter 9
SOFIA
Iwake before my alarm and stare at the ceiling for a long time. The sunlight keeps brightening, and my mood keeps souring right along with it.
I can’t go into work today. There’s no reason to call out, but I physically can’t make myself get up and go. How can I face Dominic after what we did? How can I face anyone in the office? I’ll die of embarrassment. Which is a good enough reason for me.
I grab my phone off my nightstand and draft the email three times before I hit send.
I have to consider how “sick” I am. It’s Thursday, so if I have a really bad fake sickness, I could stretch this into a four-day weekend.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to go back into that office, but at least this will give me some time to think.
I send the email and switch my phone to Do Not Disturb. I need time to think. Then thinking turns into remembering, and I decide I don’t really want to think after all. I want to forget. I want to pretend last night never happened.
The whole subway ride home, I tried to force myself to pretend it hadn’t happened. I kept telling myself it was just a fantasy. When lying to myself stopped working, I slid into outright denial.
I spent almost an hour in the shower, just standing there, trying not to remember. Dominic had me naked on top of his desk. He gave me one of the most mind-blowing orgasms of my life. He touched me like he already knew my body inside and out.
Those were exactly the thoughts I needed to block from my mind.
Now, I toss and turn in bed, trying to fall asleep.
Except when I close my eyes, I remember the way Dominic’s face looked when he came inside me, and I bolt upright in bed. I grab a pillow and scream into it. How am I ever going to look at my boss without remembering?
So sleeping is off the table, which means I need something productive to do on my day off. Something to keep my mind off Dominic and his stupid face. I call Maya.
“Hey, babes,” she answers immediately. “Everything okay? You don’t usually call me this early.”
“I’m playing hooky from work,” I tell her casually. “I could really use a girl’s day. You in?”
“Hell yes!” she says without even asking why. “I don’t have to be at work for a few hours yet.”
That’s why I love Maya. She’s always down for an adventure, and she can usually tell how badly I need one without me having to say a word. I get up, get dressed, and head to our favorite brunch place. She meets me there fifteen minutes later looking like a model who’s just walked off the runway.
“I look like a trashcan next to you,” I complain.
“Sorry, babes, I already had my makeup done when you called. I just switched out my scrubs for a dress.”
I roll my eyes. “You also have impeccable genetics,” I remind her.
“So do you.” She laughs. “And you don’t look like a trash can. But you do look stressed as fuck. What’s going on with you?”
I shrug and look down at the menu I memorized ages ago. I can feel her eyes burning into me.
“Sofia Bellini, I’ve known you for seven years. You can’t keep a secret from me even if you want to.”
I sigh heavily and slap my menu down. I know she’s right. There’s no point in hiding this from her.
“I slept with Dominic,” I blurt out, and wait for the bomb to drop.
She stares at me blankly for a long moment. I didn’t think it was possible, but I think I’ve rendered the great Maya Chen speechless for the first time in her life. Then, she bursts out laughing. It gets so out of control that some of the other patrons look over at us curiously.
“Holy shit, Sofia,” she exclaims through big, fat tears that are falling down her face. “You don’t do anything halfway, do you?”
“Maya,” I groan. “This is serious! I’m having a legit crisis here.”
“Okay, okay,” she breathes, trying to get control of her laughter. “Tell me everything.”
So I do. I lay out everything, from the party to my dad’s debts to Dominic paying them off without me ever asking.
“And how exactly did that lead you two to the horizontal tango?” she asks mischievously. “Was it hot, angry sex?”
I groan into my hands just as the waitress walks over to take our order.
“Honestly,” she says, “I’m proud of you. You never do anything impulsive. Remember that guy you had a crush on for like six months in our freshman dorm? You were too scared to even talk to him.”
“I was eighteen and had never had a real boyfriend,” I remind her. “Believe it or not, I’ve changed.”
“Clearly.” She smiles. “But, admittedly, sleeping with your boss is probably one of your worst ideas.”
“It wasn’t even an idea,” I argue. “It just sort of happened.”
She looks at me pointedly. “So you didn’t find him hot as hell before last night?”
“Well, I—”
“Come on, babes,” she interjects. “It’s okay to say you found him attractive. It’s even okay to say you maybe fantasized him from time to time.”
My face flushes as I remember his words from last night. Do you ever think about me when you touch yourself?
“Oh, my God, you’re thinking about him right now!” she squeals. “I can see it on your face.”
“Maya,” I groan. “I wanted to hang out with you so I could feel better about the situation, not worse.”
“Okay, okay,” she replies, chuckling. “I’m sorry. I’m just really having a hard time wrapping my mind around all of this. I’m like weirdly proud of you.”
“Not helpful,” I shoot back automatically. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
She takes a sip of her drink and nods thoughtfully.
“Okay, next steps,” she spitballs. “Obviously, you could quit. It sounds like you only took the job to help your dad with his debt, right? So, now that it’s paid off, you can work anywhere.”
I nod reluctantly. Despite what’s happened, I do actually like my job. I don’t necessarily want to quit.
“God, your face is so loud,” she says. “So, you don’t want to quit. What if, and hear me out, you threaten to sue him for sexual harassment?”
“Maya!” I hiss. “I would never do that! It was completely consensual!”
“Maybe so, but it sounds like he’s pretty fond of paying hush money. Just think about it. You could threaten him, get a big payout, and finally have some time to think about what you actually want in life, instead of taking care of everyone else’s problems.”
Who else is going to take care of you?
“Fuck!” I say, as Dominic’s words come back into my head.
Maya watches me curiously. “Sorry,” she says. “Forget I suggested it.”
“It’s not that,” I say, shaking my head. “I mean, it is that a little bit. Blackmailing him is a horrific idea and our working relationship would never recover.”
“Do you want it to recover?” she asks bluntly. “I mean, are you really considering working for him after all of this?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her, but it feels like a lie on my tongue.
I do know. The idea of leaving this job is awful. Even after last night, I can grin and bear it for as long as it takes. I love what I do. As chaotic as some days get, I’m good at organizing things. I also know that Dominic couldn’t function without me. There’s a part of me that loves to be needed.
“I just want you to consider the power imbalance,” she says carefully. “He’s your boss, and he’s worth like, trillions of dollars.”
“A few billion,” I correct.
She rolls her eyes. “As if the distinction matters. He has more money than God, and he’s clearly not afraid to use it on you. If, at any point, you feel like he’s paying you for sex, that’s coercion, okay? I mean, unless you’re into that. No judgement.”
“He isn’t paying me for sex,” I groan. “He paid the debt. I got mad. Then we had sex. Two separate events.”
She shrugs. “If you say so. I just want to make sure you’re safe. If you feel safe, and you feel like you can keep working for him, then by all means. I’m not going to get in the way of you and some hot, forbidden office sex.”
“But you still think it’s a bad idea,” I remind her.
“Oh, I think it’s a terrible idea,” she replies, grinning. “I also know that I can’t talk you out of something once you’ve made up your mind. And you’ve made up your mind to stay. I can tell. I’m not going to stand in the way of that.”
Maya and I finish brunch and then we part ways so she can get to her shift at the hospital.
By the time we say goodbye, I know I’ll be going back to work in the morning. Being with Maya cleared my head, and it made me realize how much I’d missed the office. I hated being away from my desk, away from my calendar. Despite everything, I worried about how Dominic was getting along without me.
So the next morning, I wake up before my alarm again. I get dressed and put on my makeup. It takes me longer than usual, though, because I’m second-guessing every decision. Does this dress look like it’s trying too hard? Does this lipstick say fuck me on top of your desk?
When I’m finally ready, I straighten my shoulders and leave, feeling like I’m walking into battle.