Chapter 22
Kodiak closed the door to the meeting room. Baddy planted his boots on the floor, crossed his arms, and impatiently waited in the chair to the president's right.
There were members around the table and behind the officer's chairs, near the wall, waiting to hear what was going on.
Baddy chewed on the inside of his lip, his mind drifting to Lydia. She'd put on a brave face and went to work as if yesterday hadn't happened. He'd hung around as long as he could, but Prez called a meeting for eleven o'clock.
Kodiak cleared his throat. "Shipment goes out Friday. Same route, same drop point. Duke, Rusty, Ring, and Vein's on the crew."
Baddy waited for his name.
It never came.
He always escorted the shipment out of town. Hunter caught his gaze and lifted his brow in question. He wasn't the only one who noticed the change.
Kodiak's gaze slid to him. "Baddy, you're off this run."
He nodded once and let the meeting roll on. Kodiak talked about security, about Cusclan's stunt at the diner, and about tightening patrols around the compound.
Baddy heard it all through a humming in his head. He'd never been taken off a run. Not once throughout the years. He and the others had learned to work as one, riding together, having each other's backs.
The meeting was adjourned. Chairs scraped as members left the table. Voices rose as others made plans for the rest of the day.
Baddy stayed seated until the room emptied, then stood and approached Kodiak.
"Why'd you pull me?" he asked.
Kodiak met his gaze. "Because you need to stick close to the compound."
"That's not an answer."
"It's the only one you're getting." Kodiak's tone deepened. "You've got too much going on around you. I'm not sending a man on a run when his head's somewhere else."
"My head's fine."
Kodiak raised a brow. "You sure about that?"
Baddy clenched his jaw. More irritated with himself for letting the shit that's going on around Lydia get to him than Kodiak pulling him from escorting the shipment.
"Look, I get it. You're trying hard to put Lydia to one side and the club to the other, but it's impossible to keep them separated.
Trust me, brother. I've been in your boots.
" Kodiak stepped closer. "I'm protecting the club.
And you. In the long run, even that girl you're trying real hard not to get involved with will agree that she needs you by her side right now. "
Baddy's stomach twisted.
Kodiak clapped a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Get your head on straight. We'll push back Cusclan, and then we'll talk."
He pushed out the door, the fresh air slamming into him. He needed to move. Needed to burn off the frustration clawing at his ribs.
He stalked across the yard. Every muscle in his body coiled, restless, pissed off.
Taken off a God damn shipment. He prided himself on leading Royalla in every run.
His frustration centered around Sonny. He kicked at a pebble, sending it skittering across the lot.
If he got rid of Sonny, Lydia would be safe. Cusclan MC would back off. He would return to the crew, packing and escorting the shipments out.
He ran his hands through his hair. He wasn't losing his edge. He was fucking distracted.
By Lydia.
By the way she'd looked at those pictures. By the way she'd curled into him last night. He pulled on his beard, breathing hard.
Kodiak was right about him losing his head, but that didn't make it easy to swallow.
He needed to work this off before he returned to Lydia, and she saw the storm in him and thought it was aimed at her.
He wasn't losing her.
He wasn't losing himself either.
He needed a minute to remember who the hell he was.
The clubhouse door creaked open behind him.
Baker stepped out, wiping his hands on a towel, the smell of onions and grease clinging to him like always. Baddy turned around, not in the mood to talk with anyone.
"What's got you stompin' around?" asked Baker.
Baddy shot him a look. "Not in the mood."
"Didn't ask if you were." Baker folded the towel over his shoulder. "You wanna break something, go hit someone looking for a fight."
Baddy snorted. "Ain't looking to throw down, brother."
"Sure, you are." Baker walked closer. "Kodiak benched you."
Baddy stiffened. "I'll get back on the crew."
"Maybe you will, maybe you won't." Baker shrugged. "It doesn't change the patch you wear on your back."
Baddy gritted his teeth and looked away.
"Look here, brother." Baker sighed, the sound heavy but not unkind. "You think he pulled you because you're weak?"
"No." Baddy inhaled deeply. "He thinks I'm distracted."
"Aren't you?" Baker stepped beside him, staring at the fence as if he could see trouble coming from miles away. "There's a difference between being distracted and giving a damn."
Baddy frowned. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
How many times had he listened to Baddy give advice to other people? Most of the time, nobody could make sense of what he jabbered on about.
"It means you finally care about something that ain't the club." Baker nudged him with an elbow. "And that scares the hell out of you."
Baddy opened his mouth to argue, but Baker kept going.
"You've been alone a long time. You built your whole life on not needing anybody. Then that girl shows up, and suddenly you're thinking about more than runs and routes and who's watching your six."
Baddy's chest tightened.
Baker lowered his voice. "Ain't nothing wrong with that. Makes you human. Makes you better."
Baddy swallowed hard, staring at the gate. "She's too young for me."
"Bullshit." Baker chuckled. "Half the men around here are hooked up with someone young enough to be their daughter. Hell, at one time, my old lady was barely out of high school..."
He grunted, knowing Baker's story. He fell for a young chick, got her knocked up, married her, and then left her so his kid would have a better life than he could give her.
He continually sent money to a PO Box every month, believing that was enough.
Meanwhile, he lost his family. It was a familiar story, especially when Baker picked up the bottle.
"Lydia's looking for something bigger than I can give her." He rubbed the back of his neck.
The way she'd looked at the photo album, dreaming about a life out of her reach, was more than he was ready to understand. Lydia wasn't so far down on her luck that she'd compromise her happiness. She was working damn hard to reach her dreams.
"She's looking for a perfect family. That's not me." He exhaled harshly. "I'm only protecting her."
As he spoke, he knew he was lying. He'd done more than protect her. He'd spent time with her, got to know her, and he'd acted on his attraction to her. Fucking hell, he couldn't stop touching her.
Baker clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You can't protect her from out here. And you sure can't protect her by pushing her away."
Baddy's breath caught. "I don't want to hurt her."
Baker pointed in the direction of the diner. "She doesn't need perfect. She needs reliability and dedication. And you?" He gave Baddy a pointed look. "You're as solid as you can get."
The words hit deeper than Baddy expected.
Baker turned to go back inside. "Now, quit being pissed off at the world and go check on her.
She's working, pretending she ain't scared.
And you're down here pretending you ain't in love.
" Baker grunted. "In twenty years, you'll be glad you made the right decision when your bed is warm, and you have a woman stroking your ego. "
He shook his head at the old man. He'd be lucky to still be alive in twenty years.
"Yeah." Baker smirked. "I said it."
Then he disappeared inside, leaving Baddy alone with the truth he'd been avoiding.
He was falling for Lydia. Hard.