Chapter 34
Lydia stopped outside the clubhouse door. She inhaled deeply. Her emotions were all over the place.
Maybe it was too soon.
Conversations leaked outside the building. The Royalla members were inside. The last thing she wanted was an audience. She needed privacy.
Baddy's hand wrapped around hers as he opened the door and guided her inside. She didn't get more than three steps before Baker looked up from the bar and spotted her.
The moment his gaze landed on her, everything in him shifted. He straightened, taking a half step toward her like he wasn't sure if he was allowed. His mouth parted, like her name was right there on his tongue.
Lydia's stomach gnawed. She pressed against Baddy's side. She couldn't handle a conversation with Baker yet.
She tore her gaze away, squeezing Baddy's hand hard enough that he glanced down at her.
"Come on," he murmured, reading her perfectly.
He led her down the hallway toward the back rooms, away from the noise, away from Baker's hopeful stare. Her pulse thudded in her ears, each step heavier than the last.
Baddy stopped at the door at the end of the hallway. He'd warned her that her mom was staying with Baker.
He turned her gently to face him. "You sure?"
She nodded, even though she wasn't sure of anything. All she knew was that something had to give. She couldn't keep living each day in fear, not knowing who she was or why her parents made the wrong choices for her.
He cupped her cheek and kissed her. "I'll be in the clubhouse. If you need me, you come get me."
She swallowed hard. "Wait."
Before he could step back, she threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. His arms came around her instantly, holding her like he knew she'd unravel without him.
She breathed him in. He was safe. Solid. Hers.
Her voice shook. "I don't even know who I am anymore."
His hand slid up her back, fingers threading into her hair. "You're Lydia, sweetheart. It doesn't matter what you hear from anyone else. What your mom says doesn't change who you are."
She held on for another long moment, letting his strength seep into her bones. Letting herself believe she could do this.
Finally, she pulled away, her hands lingering on his chest before she let them fall. Baddy was the best thing she'd ever had in her life. She had no idea what she'd do if he wasn't in her life.
He gave her one last kiss on her forehead for support and stepped back.
Lydia turned toward the door. Her heart hammered. She lifted her hand and knocked. A few seconds passed. Then the door cracked open.
Her mom stood there, with her hair pulled back in a messy knot, like she hadn't slept in days. "Lydia..."
She swallowed, her voice barely a whisper. "We need to talk."
The room seemed too small the moment she stepped inside. Too warm. Too full of lies, she didn't want to face. Lydia stayed standing near the door, arms crossed tight over her chest like she could hold herself together by sheer force.
Her mom sat on the edge of the couch, arms wrapped around her middle, shoulders hunched. She looked smaller and more fragile than Lydia remembered. But Lydia couldn't let that soften her. Not now.
"Why did you tell me my father was dead?" Lydia asked, her voice was sharper than she intended.
Her mom rubbed the base of her throat, eyes darting away. "It was easier."
Lydia let out a bitter laugh and turned away, pacing a few steps before spinning back around. "Easier for you? Do you have any idea what it's like to grow up thinking my dad is dead? To wonder what he was like? To imagine a whole life that would never exist for me?"
Her mom flinched. "It was different with Baker back then. I told him I was pregnant, and he was afraid that life with Royalla Motorcycle Club was too dangerous for us."
"So." Lydia lifted her hands helplessly. "He got rid of us, and then you thought it would be better to lie and say he was dead."
Her mom stood abruptly, shaking her head. "No. No, baby, that's not what happened. He wanted us to be safe. He gave me money to find an apartment for us, and he didn't want to know where I went, because he was afraid."
"Of what?"
"Coming to us." Her mom sighed. "He wanted to make sure his enemies couldn't find us. He set up a post office box and mailed me money every month. Enough to take care of us. Enough to keep us in an apartment and out of danger."
Lydia blinked. "Money? Apartment?"
They never had money. Her story didn't match anything she remembered. Not the cheap apartments. Not the nights they slept in the car. Not the men her mom clung to for a place to stay.
"After I had you, a man from Cusclan who lived in the same apartment started hanging around.
It was nice to have another adult to talk to.
I was at home all the time, taking care of you.
" Her mom's eyes filled with tears. "Rail, that was the man's name, found out about the money Baker was sending me.
He took my post office key and, every month, would grab the money.
I was dependent on him without that money.
Even after Rail died, I had to look for someone else to take care of us because Cusclan wouldn't give me the money they were stealing from me. "
Lydia's breath caught.
Her mom kept going, voice trembling. "Baker told me last night that he sent an envelope of money every month. The last one he sent was two weeks ago. We didn't get any of them, so you can see how I had no choice but to seek help from the only men who were willing to keep me in an apartment."
"Did you tell Baker that?" she asked.
"Of course. He didn't know what was happening for all those years. I had nothing. No help. No money. And Cusclan wouldn't let me go because they'd lose their money if I made it back to Baker."
Lydia's arms tightened around herself. "So all those men... all those places we lived..."
"I was trying to escape," her mom whispered.
"Trying to find someone who could help me get away from Cusclan, so I could get back to Baker.
I thought I'd made it when I left this last time.
I thought if I could get out, find a place for us, I could come back for you.
Once I had you back, we could find Baker.
I didn't know that Sonny sold you to Royalla. "
"You went back to get me?" she whispered.
Her mom wiped her face with shaking hands. "Of course, I did."
The air left her lungs.
All the years she'd been angry. All the years she'd believed her mom chose men over her. All the years she thought her mom didn't care enough to fight. And her mom was surviving the only way she knew how.
And now to hear her mom fought to get her away from Cusclan and back to Baker, she couldn't wrap her head around it.
Her mom's voice broke. "I never stopped trying to get us out. I never stopped. I just... I didn't know how to win, baby. All I've known is disappointment and fighting to survive. I wanted more for you. Baker wanted more for us."
Lydia stood there, heart pounding, the truth unraveling everything she thought she knew. She didn't know whether to scream, cry, or collapse.
But she knew one thing for certain.
Nothing about her past was what she believed, and she wasn't sure how her mom could've changed anything. A biker's life was not easy. To be used and abused was devastating. To have no money and have someone in power telling her she couldn't work, had to defeat her at every turn.
Her mom wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, trying to pull herself together, but the tremble in her fingers gave her away. Lydia stayed where she was with her back pressed against the door like she needed it to hold her up.
"Will you talk to Baker?" whispered her mom.
Lydia's stomach twisted. "Why?"
As hard as she tried, she couldn't find any empathy for him. He gave her away. He gave her mom away. When you love someone, you don't give them away.
"Because it would mean the world to him," her mom said, stepping closer. "He's waited twenty years to know you exist. And now that you're here, he's terrified he's already lost you."
Lydia looked away, jaw clenching. "What's changed?"
Her mom blinked. "What do you mean?"
"If Baker sent us away to keep us safe," Lydia said, her voice sharper than she intended, "then why should I stick around now? What's different? Why is it suddenly safe for me to be here?"
Her mom opened her mouth, then closed it again, searching for words. Lydia didn't give her the chance.
"He didn't want us in his world back then," she said. "So why should I believe he wants me in it now?"
Her mom stepped forward, hands twisting together.
"Because he didn't send us away to get rid of us.
He sent us away because he thought he was protecting us.
He thought his membership with Royalla would put a target on our backs.
In those early years, the club was struggling.
They hadn't yet earned their place. From what he's said, their territory has grown massively.
" She paused. "Not a day goes by that he hasn't regretted sending me away. "
Lydia shook her head. "That's easy to say now."
Her mom's voice cracked. "You can't blame him. If you have to, blame me. I'm the one who trusted the wrong person, who got us mixed up with the Cusclan Motorcycle Club. Baker didn't know they'd take the money. He didn't know I'd lose everything. He thought he was saving us."
Lydia swallowed hard, her throat tight. "Then why didn't he come for us when it was safe? Why didn't he check? Why didn't he try?"
"He did," her mom whispered. "Every month. Every letter. Every dollar. He took my silence and the fact that the post office box was emptied each month as a sign that we were okay. He thought I was using the money to take care of you."
Lydia's breath hitched.
Her mom stepped closer, eyes pleading. "Trust me, I gave up hope. I thought he stopped loving me. I fell into a depression when you were little that I didn't think I'd ever escape. But he never stopped caring. He never stopped trying. He just didn't know the truth."
Lydia pressed her palms to her eyes, trying to breathe through the ache in her chest.
Her mom's voice softened. "And things are different now.
You're grown. You're strong. You're not a baby he has to hide from the world.
And Baker... he's not the same man he was back then either.
He was always older than me, but he's getting old.
He's admitted that he doesn't actively ride with the club anymore. "
Lydia lowered her hands, staring at the floor. "What does talking to him do for me?"
Her whole life was centered around what her mom wanted. She dreamed about doing something for herself. Dreamed about escaping. She had a chance now with Baddy. She had someone to love and someone to love her.
Her mom hesitated, then said quietly, "Because you finally have people who want you. People who will fight for you. Because you deserve a family that shows up for you."
Lydia's throat tightened.
"And because," her mom added, voice trembling, "you're not alone anymore. You have Baddy. You have Royalla. And you have a father who would give anything to know you."
Lydia closed her eyes. She wasn't sure she believed in family. Not the kind she always fantasized about, like in the photos.
A pang stole her breath. The photo album.
"When I was little, you gave me a photo album," she whispered.
Her mom bowed her head. "It was your favorite thing in the world."
"Where did you get it?"
"Oh, baby." Her mom raised her head and met her gaze. "Baker gave that to me to give to our child when you were old enough."
A sob escaped. "You didn't tell me."
"It was too hard to explain. You were a child."
"Oh, God." She grabbed her head.
She needed Baddy. She needed his arms around her. She needed the way he held her together when she was on the verge of falling apart. She needed him to stand between her and the world.
That was real.
That was something worth fighting for.
Baddy was the family she chose.
She opened her eyes, meeting her mom's gaze. "I'll talk to Baker."
Her mom let out a shaky breath of relief.
"But not because he's my father," Lydia said softly. "Because I'm tired of living a life that's made up of lies. And because... maybe it's time I stop fearing the truth."
Her mom nodded, pressing her trembling lips together.
Something shifted inside her—small, trembling, almost too faint to notice. Not hope, not yet. But the tight, aching pressure in her chest eased enough for her to draw a fuller breath, like the world wasn't crushing her quite as hard as it had been a moment ago.