10. Insecurities
Insecurities
Bastian
I was mindlessly killing a piece of pear with the fork on my plate, thinking about last night.
Electra couldn't sleep. No matter what I did, she stared at the ceiling, ignoring my efforts to help her.
She didn't want to talk, cuddle, or make love; she wanted to be left alone. She confirmed it when she turned her back on me.
I hadn't felt so out of sorts for a long time. I was addicted to her radiant smile and the smell of her hair. I needed her in my arms, yet she didn't want it. After our conversation, I thought we were okay. She agreed to speak at the grand opening, and I ignored the other signs.
How could I be so blind? I pushed her into something which she, according to her words, wasn't prepared for. What the fuck was I thinking? My company wasn't more important than her. She was my world.
I winced when Electra ran into the kitchen. She wore a yellow tank top and black yoga pants, which hugged her curvy ass perfectly. She had a morning session with her trainer, and her relaxed appearance slightly lifted my spirits.
"Morning, babe." She smiled at me and took a bottle of water from the fridge. I raised my eyebrows at her, watching her cautiously. I could count on one hand how many times she called me "babe." This wasn't her usual self. Something must have happened.
"Hello, princess," I said as she leaned against the kitchen island, elbows on the counter, fighting an orange. Her long nails weren't handy with a thick peel. "Need help?" I asked, stretching my hand in her direction, but she only shook her head no.
"I'm fine, thanks," she replied politely, and a sadness from yesterday returned to my body. Again, she was pushing me away. "Did you know that people think I'm fat?"
I frowned, not sure that I heard her correctly. This was the last thing I expected her to say. No, she wasn't fat; she was deliciously chubby in all the right places, and I loved every inch of her.
"Who said that?" I asked, sounding attacking, yet I was becoming increasingly furious. Who the hell dared to call my princess fat?
"Instagram," she answered casually, giving her full attention to the fruit in her hands, but she didn't stop talking.
"People there think I'm fat, uneducated, and not beautiful enough to be your girlfriend.
Also," she looked me dead in the eyes, and I gulped, "I'm a gold digger, and they don't understand what you see in me. "
"What?" I was shocked. I knew people could be rough and cruel, but they didn't have a reason for spreading this nonsense.
To my knowledge, I was famous only in some circles.
I wasn't an actor or singer, with many fans who were really into me.
Yes, I had a train of women at my feet. And, of course, I received weird messages from females worldwide, but this was unbelievable.
Electra was a classy woman—elegant, beautiful, kind, and funny.
She didn't deserve any of this just for being with me.
"Yeah." She put a piece of orange into her mouth and shrugged before leaving the kitchen.
"Princess, wait," I called out to her, but she didn't even spare me a glance.
I understood she was hurt, but she shouldn't act like it was my fault. I never said those words, and I respected her in every way. Her ignorance cut deep into my already wounded heart, and I demanded an explanation.
"Electra!" I yelled, but she didn't answer. I entered the living room, assuming she was there, yet instead, my brother, Andreas, halted my movements, frowning at me.
"Trouble in paradise?" he asked, giving me a pointed look. We should've departed an hour ago, but I postponed it because of the situation with my princess. And I still wasn't ready to leave just yet.
"Shut up," I growled, walking past him. I wasn't in the mood to deal with him. He could be an incredible asshole sometimes.
"If we don't leave in the next two hours, Elliot will spend another night in jail," he announced, but it was just a statement. He didn't care about our youngest sibling being in prison.
I turned around, staring daggers at him. I hated being blackmailed or pushed into a choice I didn't want to make. There was no Electra or Elliot. I had everything under control.
"It won't hurt him to be reminded that he screwed this big time," I hissed through gritted teeth, fisting my palm.
Elliot had been getting on my nerves for quite some time, but I always protected him.
Whenever he did something ridiculous, I was there to save him.
I had enough of him for a lifetime, yet I promised my mother to look after him.
However, when I had to choose between him and my princess, there was no choice.
"It's your call, Bast." Andreas shrugged, pulling his phone from his jacket. "You can leave him there for as long as you see fit."
"Postpone the flight," I ordered, ignoring his last comment. My mind was with my girl, not him or my idiotic younger brother.
I peered at my watch, seeing it was already 8 a.m. Electra should be at work at nine, but with me being at home, no one would reprimand her.
I mentally prepared for an argument, even when I hoped she wouldn't want to go there.
Yelling at each other because of this wasn't a solution.
I was ready to send one of my managers to the opening to give that stupid speech if it meant putting things back in place with my gorgeous woman.
Without knocking, I entered the master bedroom, only to find Electra dressed in my T-shirt, standing in front of the mirror. Her eyes widened when she noticed me, and she turned around.
"Why aren't you on the way to the airport?
" she asked, sounding like she was scolding me.
I came closer to her, placing my hands on her hips, and leaned down, pecking her nose.
She didn't react in the way I hoped; basically, she didn't react at all.
She was standing in front of me with her arms by her sides, looking into my eyes with evident sadness.
"Talk to me, princess," I whispered, kissing her cheek.
She didn't push me away but also didn't do anything else.
I felt horrible for not knowing what the issue was.
It couldn't be because someone told her that she was fat.
She was old enough to know that those people were desperate creatures who had miserable lives, so they were trying to make it miserable for others.
"I'm fine," she mumbled, but I didn't believe her.
"You're not," I objected, pulling her closer. "Something is bothering you."
"It's nothing, really," she muttered, biting her lower lip. It pained my heart that she didn't believe me or just couldn't be honest with me.
"You know that we have a rule about this, right?" I reminded her kindly, stepping away from her. "Nothing isn't considered a proper answer."
Electra sighed heavily, hesitating for a moment before she wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her face on my chest. I enveloped her in a tight embrace, kissing the top of her head while thinking about all the things that could have happened to her.
I wanted to help and protect her from the world, but it wasn't possible.
Most people in my life were like vultures.
They were surviving thanks to other people's suffering. They would’ve been ecstatic if they had seen her at this moment.
They crushed her with one statement. They pushed her to her knees with those foolish comments and posts, and I couldn't do anything about it.
Yes, I could find someone to erase it, but the damage had been done.
She had already seen it, so what was the point of doing it?
"Tell me what’s going on, princess," I whispered into her hair, which smelled like peaches. I loved that aroma; it always reminded me of her.
She took a deep breath, pulling away from me. Her sad expression was breaking my heart.
"During my teenage years," Electra started quietly, setting her palms on my chest, "I was told a million times that I was not good enough." She gulped, probably gathering strength to continue, while I frowned down at her, hating the beginning of this story.
"My mother never stopped telling me that I was a ridiculous excuse for a child who would never achieve anything in life.
" She lowered her head, hiding the wetness in her eyes.
I felt the sudden urge to hold her and never let go.
I didn't know about any of this. No background check could provide insight into her feelings.
This was horrible, and I didn't want to push her into telling me all of this if she wasn't okay with it, but before I could intervene, she proceeded.
"I told my mom about us a few days ago," she whispered, raising her head to look at me. "She laughed for two minutes, saying it was the best joke ever. She didn't believe me that a man like you would want to be with me."
Describing my feelings at that right moment would be extremely difficult.
I was furious and sad. I wanted to smash a coffee table with my bare hands while hugging my beautiful girl.
I craved to do something, anything that would prove to her that this between us was real, that we were okay, and those absurd statements couldn't tear us apart.
However, what hurt me the most was that her mother started all of this. No matter how much of a pig my father was, he never humiliated or undermined his children. He loved us. He supported us in every way. This, with Electra's mother, was something unimaginable.
"Do you trust me, baby girl?" I asked, brushing her hair with my fingers while she was sobbing into my T-shirt. I had to do something .
"Of course," she mumbled, kissing my chin and giving me a soft smile. She tried to reassure me that she was better, but this time, I paid attention. I saw the sorrow behind her smile. I noticed the glint of grief in her hazel eyes. And I would never leave her alone in this state.
"I'll make you forget about all of this." I winked at her, and before I pulled away, I kissed her nose, making her giggle. Finally, she gave me an honest reaction.
"Strip," I commanded, and for a moment, she hesitated. She was looking at me like I just told her to jump out of the window, but when my eyebrows shot up expectantly, she obeyed.
She wasn't wearing panties or a bra under my T-shirt, so in a second, she was standing in front of me completely naked. Her long hair covered her shoulders and partially her breasts. She looked like a fairy, delicate and beautiful. And she was mine.
All I had to do was show her how grateful I was to have her in my life, how honored I was to have her submission, to have her heart and mind.
She didn't know that she was the light in my darkness, that she was the reason behind my smile.
I needed to prove that to her. I had to shatter all of her worries and insecurities and chase away her demons.
I knew it wouldn't happen overnight, but I was happy that I finally found out what we were up against. And I knew we could win.