18. The Hard Truth
The Hard Truth
Electra
W hen Bastian said that we would do something else during the night, I didn't have an idea that he meant something totally different from our usual activities.
After the shower session and his very serious statement about me being the best woman in the world at giving blowjobs, he sat me on the bed and let me watch him as he lit candles and turned off the lights.
The smell of strawberries filled my nostrils, and a small smile found its way into the corners of my lips because it quickly became my favorite scent.
I followed Bastian with my gaze wherever he went, raising my eyebrows when he took off the wardrobe and sat in the middle of the bed, motioning for me to join him.
I slowly undressed, plopping back down, blushing a little because of our nakedness.
He saw me without clothes all the time, but this felt unusual.
"Have you ever heard about Tantra?" he asked softly, sitting cross-legged, putting his hands on his knees. My brows shot up again as the word “sex” popped up in my mind.
"Yes." I nodded, mirroring his position. "But I was never interested in it," I added honestly, curious about what he was up to. I would do anything sex-related with him. Well, that wasn't the truth. I would do anything with him; it didn't matter which field it would cover.
"Well, first, I would like to test our sexual energy and learn something new about us," he explained with a small smile. "And second, we should discuss and sign our new contract."
"Well, first, we can sign the contract right away. And second, I'm pretty sure that our sexual energy was tested a few minutes ago." I frowned, but he only flashed me a toothy grin. He took the remote control from the nightstand, and peaceful piano music filled the room. He was serious about this.
"Close your eyes, princess." Surprisingly, it wasn't a command, and his gentle tone sent shivers down my spine. My mind was very cautious about this game, yet my body already liked it. So, I slowly closed my eyelids, listening to him.
"Enjoy the music, sweetie," he continued, and my mind drifted to the sounds that echoed from the walls.
"Imagine the taste of strawberries on your tongue.
Smell them with your nose, and most importantly, focus on your breathing.
Relax and forget what angered, upset, or made you cry.
Shut down that annoying voice in your head and just breathe. "
I did as he said and loosened my belly and shoulders, inhaling and exhaling in an even rhythm until I instinctively synchronized my tempo with his.
Only the gentle tones of the piano were heard, along with the thundering of my heart.
I should have relaxed, but my body was filled with excitement.
My perception through other senses intensified, and I could literally taste the strawberries in my mouth. It was weird, but I liked it.
For some time, my mind was overflowing with images of my latest experiences, which were the most intense for me, but eventually, only one picture stayed. No matter how much I tried to eliminate it and concentrate on the pleasant music and Bastian's presence, it wouldn't go away.
Peter, with his playful smile and boyish charm, was hunting me. I tried to justify hiding this from my man, but I couldn't. I was just a cowardly, scared little girl who was afraid of losing the only person who made me feel whole .
"Open your eyes, princess," Bastian whispered, interrupting my inner battle. I wanted to be honest with him, but every time I looked into his face, I couldn't do it. I couldn't break his heart.
"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice soaked with worry, and I had difficulty suppressing a loud sob. I dreaded the moment he would find out about my adventure with his younger brother.
"Electra, talk to me. What’s going on?" Bastian leaned closer, cupping my face with his hands, and I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. The boulder in my chest was unbearable, yet the fear was stronger, and I remained silent.
"Baby, you know that you can tell me anything," he muttered, trying for eye contact, but I successfully avoided it.
I was staring at my feet, ashamed of myself.
It was one of the worst situations of my life.
The only thing worse was when my mother discovered my secret dream of becoming an artist. I'd remember the humiliation she'd inflicted on me until my last breath.
"Look at me!" Bastian commanded sternly out of the blue, and my body reacted instinctively. I raised my head, locking my gaze with his. My palms trembled, and my heart beat so hard that it almost burst through my ribcage.
"Come here." He stretched his arms out, gently taking my hands and pulling me closer. I didn't fight him when he sat me on his lap, and I wrapped my legs around him. We were naked, and there was nothing between us but a few inches of free space. Even still, I felt disconnected from him.
Maybe it was because I couldn't look into his eyes. I was embarrassed that I had picked a lie again instead of telling him the truth. Somehow, I knew that the worst part of that dreadful conversation wouldn't be about the sex with his brother but about me choosing the wrong thing to do.
"You don't need to speak if you don't want to, sweetie," Bastian whispered, gently stroking my back with his open palm. "Just calm down, that's all."
My lower lip quivered when I tried to fight the tears. I was looking at his naked chest, squeezing his shoulders, doing my best to slow down my erratic heartbeat. However, I knew very well that talking to him was the only way out of this .
I believed he would forgive me. He wasn't a monster, and I had good reasons for it. Yet the basis for a BDSM relationship was trust. And since the beginning, I had been testing Bastian's limits. It was just a matter of time before I crossed the line.
"I'm s-scared," I stammered, and after a few moments of silence, my voice broke into sobbing.
"Scared of what, baby girl?" he asked, moving his palms soothingly up and down my arms because I put my hands on his abdomen, avoiding eye contact again.
"That you'll hate me," I replied, wiping my cheeks and releasing a deep, shaky breath.
"Hate you?" he echoed, clearly surprised. "Why would I hate you?"
He enveloped me with his arms, pulling me onto his chest, and I hid my face in the crook of his neck.
I wanted to enjoy this closeness for as long as possible before I broke our connection.
No matter how much I tried to console myself that everything would be okay and that I slept with Peter before we met, I wasn't honest, and that was the real problem.
"I don't know what is going on, princess," Bastian whispered, brushing my wet hair with his long fingers. "You're using very serious words. I need an explanation."
I gathered all my remaining strength and pulled away from him. He allowed me to move only a few inches so I could look into his worried eyes. God, he was handsome, loving, and caring. How could I exchange all of this for one lie? Why was I so stupid?
"I think you'll release me from the contract," I mumbled, licking my lips and preparing for the inevitable.
"Electra, stop saying what I will do and tell me what you have done." There was clear annoyance evident in his voice. He was losing his patience. The best I could do was to come clean before he got angry.
"I crossed the line," I stated, and his thick black eyebrows shot up. "I lied again, and it's serious."
"Okay." He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, watching my face while he slowly released it.
"Before you continue," he started softly, taking my hand.
He opened my palm and pressed it against his chest, where his heart was beating.
I bit my tongue, swallowing the huge lump that had formed in my throat.
"I need you to know that there is only one thing that would make me consider the instant termination of our contract and end our relationship, and that's infidelity.
You won't get away from me anytime soon if your crime isn't cheating. "
He squeezed my hand on his chest, moving it to his lips and kissing my palm.
My fear slowly faded away, but the pain stayed.
I felt like the worst possible choice for him.
He could've had a much better woman. He could've been with someone who wouldn't choose to hurt him.
My mother was right; I didn't deserve to be loved.
All I ever did was destroy the bond with everyone who cared for me.
"The only way to get through this is to talk," Bastian said, placing his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Eventually, we will be okay."
"Promise?" I peeped, nervously playing with my trembling fingers.
"Promise." He pecked my forehead, then my nose, and he ended up on my lips, kissing me while I melted under his touch.
Thanks to his gentle behavior and encouragement, I calmed down, allowing myself to relax. Being punished for lying was something I expected, and actually, I needed it desperately. I just didn't want him to be angry and disappointed with me.
"What is so horrible that you're terrified about my reaction, princess?" he asked when he pulled away, but his arms were tightly wrapped around me. He was proving to me that he wasn't going anywhere and that I was safe with him.
"It's about my and Peter's first meeting," I mumbled, lowering my head and staring at his chest.
"Yeah, that much I know," he grumbled, a hint of annoyance sneaking into his voice. I lifted my head, and my eyes widened in surprise when he gave me a pointed look.
"You know about it?" I breathed, gulping my next question because I couldn't be sure how much he knew.