22. Pain and Regret
Pain and Regret
Bastian
I t was a mess—one horrible, absolute loss of organization and order. Electra was nowhere to be found for another week, and the girl trying to do her job failed miserably. I wanted to claw my eyes out of my skull as I glared at the two appointments at the same time.
I wasn't a magician; this couldn't work.
I slammed the door to my office with unnecessary force, groaning like a wounded animal to let out the frustration.
I didn't know where my princess was. The whole company was upside down, and to top it all off, I couldn't leave the fucking place and go to look for her myself because shareholders had called an unscheduled meeting.
My father suggested helping me out, and after some thought, I agreed. I couldn't focus on anything but my girl.
I sat down behind my desk, loosening the tie around my neck. I fished the phone from my pocket, staring at the picture of my smiling princess, and I felt tears of pure helplessness and fear burning in my eyes.
At first, I thought Electra was kidnapped, and my men worked day and night to locate her.
But then, after two days spent in Andreas’ house, I finally came home.
Her diary and my contract with Rose were neatly placed on the coffee table in the living room.
The red book was opened, and only one word was staring back at me, crushing any hope that she would ever return.
LIAR!
I inhaled a shaky breath. My hand trembled when I put the phone down and looked at the computer screen. I wasn't in the right state of mind to work. I couldn't think about contracts, numbers, or the stock market. My whole world was slowly crumbling down with every minute that passed.
I missed Electra so much it almost physically hurt.
I felt like I was tied with a rope, stuffed into a black sack, and thrown into the water with a massive boulder chained to my leg.
I was drowning, succumbing to the nothingness without the tiniest pinch of hope that I would ever emerge and take another breath.
I've never experienced anything like this. I lost people in my life. I made mistakes that cost me friendships and a woman I loved, but it was nothing compared to the emptiness that enveloped my still-beating heart. I was alive, yet I felt so dead.
"Hey."
I raised my head from the table, looking at Rose standing in front of my desk. I didn't hear her knock or enter my office, but I wasn't surprised to see her. I hadn’t answered her calls or replied to her texts. I knew that, eventually, she would come to visit me.
"What do you need, Rosalind?" I asked, leaning into my seat. I wasn't in the mood for her antics, especially when my contract with her was the reason behind Electra's disappearance.
"Why didn't you tell her about us from the beginning?" she inquired, sitting opposite me.
I smiled bitterly, knowing very well that it was my biggest mistake.
I should've explained the thing between Rose and me before I started something with my princess.
It wasn't important that I hadn’t slept with her for more than ten years.
It was no use to claim we were only friends.
There were no inappropriate feelings involved in all of this, but I was petrified that Electra would never believe my words.
She was under the impression that I was lying to her; her diary only confirmed it. She was sure I was sleeping with Rose while I was with her. She called me a liar. It was completely my fault that it ended like this.
I knew Electra was jealous of my ex, so in order to protect her, I didn't tell her about this. I was being punished for disobeying my own rules. Peter was right; I was the biggest hypocrite. I should never have hidden something like this from her.
Fuck!
"I didn't think it was necessary," I answered, closing my eyes for a brief moment before reopening them again and staring at the ceiling. "And later, I noticed her insecurities and discomfort when it came to you. I just didn’t want to add to her plate."
"Well," Rosalind sighed, grimacing when I looked at her. "My behavior didn't help either."
"This is entirely my fault, Rose," I said, standing and turning my back on her because I didn't want her to see how devastated I was.
Yet, she knew me too well not to notice that I was in pain.
I heard her walking towards me. She stopped on my right side, glancing at the city in front of us with her arms crossed over her chest.
"You still don't know where she is?" she asked, raising her head because the company's helicopter had just taken off.
"No," I breathed, shaking my head.
"Parents, friends, ex-boyfriend?" Rose questioned, but I only continued to shake my head. We looked everywhere. She left the city.
"Grandparents?"
"My men found a lead to Electra's grandparents' house in the mountains and are checking it as we speak," I sighed, running a hand over my face.
"What takes Daniel so long?" Rose mumbled, referring to the head of my team. "He always knew what to do in a situation like this."
"Electra's grandmother is the daughter and the mother of military officers. She knows how to disappear. And I also cut off Daniel's every attempt to call the shots," I admitted, sitting on the couch and rubbing my tired eyes. "I wanted to be in charge."
"Bastian, you're an amazing businessman." She plopped down next to me, crossing her legs. "But let the former navy seal do his job. He'll find her."
"And then what?" I whispered, slowly turning to her and watching her frown. "What will I do with this mess?"
"I'm sure you know how to apologize and explain." She pointed her long, polished fingernail at the contract on the table, reminding me of my stupidity.
"I don't think the explanation and apology would be enough." I sucked my upper lip into my mouth, biting it. After a few seconds, I felt blood on my tongue, and I almost smiled. Physical pain always helped me concentrate.
"Diamonds?" Rose suggested, earning a snort from me. Electra wasn't a gold digger. Buying a clean slate wasn't an option.
"Rose, I exploded because she hid her encounter with Peter from me," I started, and she blinked a few times, confused. She didn't know about that part. "Also, I was hard on her every time she lied to me, while I have a full closet of secrets I didn't share with her."
"You're one of the most powerful and wealthiest people in the world," Rose reminded me firmly, rising and walking to the cabinet with alcohol. "Is she really that naive to think you're telling her everything?"
Rose poured two glasses of whiskey, handing me one before sitting back, giving me a curious look because I remained quiet. I didn't know what Electra expected from me regarding work or the company. But I was well aware that I made a mistake about our relationship. That much was clear.
"No matter the outcome, you must talk to her," Rose stated, sipping her drink. And she was right. Even when there was a huge possibility that Electra would send me to hell with all my bullshit, I had to at least try to explain everything.
I exhaled deeply, staring at the liquid in my glass. I felt the sudden urge to drink the whole bottle and, for a moment, forget about all of this. I was never afraid to face any challenge or consequences of my actions. This time, however, I was scared because my poor existence depended on it.
I didn't want to live without her. My stomach twisted with dread only from the mere thought of Electra terminating our agreement and leaving me. I didn't know what to do to prevent it from happening. She had every right to end things between us.
"I broke her trust, Rosalind," I whispered after a long silence. "I'm not sure I have the right to ask for another chance."
"Are you prepared to lose her?" she burst out, slamming the glass on the table and glaring at me like I'd just told her I was going on a trip to the moon.
"I'm not—" I started, but she instantly cut me off.
"Then be ready to crawl and beg, big boy!" she shouted, standing and putting her hands on her hips. "You fucked up. Now, you must show her that you care for her enough to forget about your ego and are willing to do anything to earn her forgiveness."
"I am willing to do anything," I stated, rising to my feet, mirroring her stance, and she smirked. She always knew how to push my buttons.
"Then, start with this." She fished a blue file from her bag, handing it to me. I scowled, opening it, and my eyes widened in surprise.
"You don't need to do this," I muttered, staring at the paper. She wanted me to sign the termination of our contract.
"I know, dear." She smiled softly, giving me a pen. "But I won't stand in the way of your happiness."
"You're not..." I wanted to object, yet she wasn't interested. She had made up her mind.
"You will always be my best friend, Fluffy." I chuckled when she used the nickname she'd given me when we started dating. I hated it. "That won't ever change."
"But—" and again, she wouldn't let me finish.
"But nothing." She placed her hand on my forearm, grinning at me. "I'm not a damsel in distress. I'll survive."
I wasn't sure about this at all. She had medical appointments that she skipped if I didn't control her.
She often forgot to attend the meetings with her psychiatrist if I didn't remind her of them.
I never knew if she did it on purpose or if she really hated them that much, but the truth was that the treatment was helping her.
She was better, and I didn't want to risk the whole progress.
I wasn't prepared to choose between her and Electra.
I loved my princess with everything in me, but this wasn't the solution.
"I won't sign it, Rose," I stated, tearing the paper in half. "Until you find someone to take my place, you're stuck with me."
"You can't force me," she objected, glaring at me.
"We both know that you're functioning thanks to that contract.
You have a job, a relatively normal life, and things are fine.
" I raised the glass of whiskey to my lips, gulping down the remaining liquid before I continued.
"Electra is a very empathetic person. She will understand this.
I just need your permission to explain it. "
"You want to tell her about me?" Rose's eyes widened, and her voice was soaked in disbelief. No one knew the real story of her life. She'd been through some nasty things that completely destroyed her, and during that time, I was the only one who stayed by her.
I didn't intend to leave that place until she was okay.
"Yes, I do," I confirmed, gently taking her hand. "I promised to never leave you, and I won't do it—no matter what."
"What if you lose her?" she inquired, giving me a dejected look. She didn't want to be the reason behind my breakup.
"Then it'll be completely my fault," I said, feeling my heart painfully clench.
For a few moments, I forgot about the pain that was consuming my body, but it returned with full force, complemented by the fear that was eating me alive.
The only answer to those horrible feelings was to fight.
I had to prove myself worthy of another chance.
The ringing of my phone distracted me, and I answered it without a second thought. It was Daniel.
"We have her, boss," he announced, relief evident in his voice. "I'm on my way there."
"No!" I shouted, grabbing the jacket from the chair. "I'm going there myself."
"Yes, boss," he replied, ending the call. In five seconds, I received the text with the address three hundred miles away.
"Good luck," Rose whispered when I kissed her cheek goodbye, and I gave her something that could be interpreted as a smile.
"Thanks, I'll need it."